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need some advice

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:08 PM
  • 7 Replies

so my sons sperm donnor left me when i was a couple months pregant and moved to new york and i live in NC, which he was there for about a month before he moved in with this girl who has one child and was pregant with another and tells me that he wants nothing to do with his son. well then when i was 37 weeks he contacts me and decides that he has changed his mind and moved himself back to NC even after everything i did let him come to the hospital to see his son be born, but he expects that i should all of a sudden keep taking my son to see him whenever he wants, he exspected me to just get back together with him because he came back and gets really mad when i say that i cant do that i had to move on when he left and im not ready to go through more heartache. everyday i have been back and forth with him never quite sure what mood i am going to get. i dont really trust him, i feel as if he should really earn his way back into our lives, do you guys think that im wrong for feeling this way? he believes that just bc he came back that i should just let him have all sorts of rights without any sort of consquences.

by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:08 PM
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Replies (1-7):
MrsDGasser
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:10 PM

 I completely agree with you he has to earn the trust,who is to say that he is going to leave again, you don't deserve that & neither does your son!!

sdwyer
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:14 PM

 I don't think you're wrong for feeling the way you do. It sounds like he just wants to do things on his terms which is just him wanting to be in control of everything. I think you and your son deserve a lot better. Your son needs a dad who will actually be involved ALL the time, not just when it's convenient for him. That's not how parenting works. Good luck!

heartmom84
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:15 PM

you are doing the right thing! like if you did that to him he would just let it go!!! men are such idiots sometimes

ponceswife
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:15 PM

No, girl... Make him earn it! And if he doesn't want to then screw him! He did you wrong!

HollyLC
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:25 PM

Hey there.  Here is my two cents.  He was a sperm donor.  Last I checked......most men didn't donate sperm to become a lifelong father!  They did it to make money, or just help someone out who couldn't have a baby.  There was a reason you chose to use a sperm donor.  If you wanted this guy to be an active father to your child, then you could probably have gone about it in other ways than just a donor, or gotten married first?  I don't know the situation but I think you are wrong in him having to earn his way back--because he didn't have a role to begin with!  He gave his sperm willingly,...not under written consent to be in the baby's life forever.  Right?  However, if you really like the guy, and want to work it out then yes there should be ground rules.  But he sounds like a loser who isn't worth your time and you deserve someone SO MUCH better.  If some guy left me while I was pregnant,...I'd never want to speak to him again because that is the most CRUCIAL and fragile time for a woman.  He easily could have caused you to have a miscarriage from stress from leaving.  And he left and expects you to get back together, travel to see him, bring his child to see him, etc?  I don't think so.  Go find a real man who loves you and get rid of this loser forever.  Remind him he donated his sperm,...not his daddy for lifetime guarantee.

lovealwayzashes
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:38 PM

hes not really a sperm donnor i call him that because he doesnt do anything to be a father

babygomez
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:40 PM

No, i don't think you're wrong for feeling that way. You have the right to feel that way..what does he expect?? I mean for any man to say he wants nothing to do with their child, even though he didn't mean it, is just plain WRONG and should not be deserving of a relationship with their child...but on the other hand, if he's willing to step up and mean what he says, then that's your decision to make..if you do decide to let him back in, do it slowly and be careful :)

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