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tell me what u think no bashing please

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:04 PM
  • 13 Replies

my so and i have been dating for almost 2 yrs we have a beautiful 5 mth old dd together..we have lived together for almost a year..im his first serious relationship and ge just moved out of his moms house ( hes 37 im 27).. ive been married  before and divorced.. he told me that we wants more kids but he wants to be married before we have anymore.. im kinda scared to get remarried...( my other marriage was abusive and controling...) so what do u ladies think i should do?

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dragonfly.1982
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:08 PM

 I was married for 3 years I was 18 when I got married the first time and 21 when we got divorced.  He was physically abusive but mentally. I was very unsure if I would ever remarry I knew I wanted children someday buy not sure if I ever wanted another husband.  When I met my DH I just knew that someday I would marry him and my life would never be the same.  2 months later we were engaged and a year after that married now we are expecting our first child in 4 weeks.  I just knew.  So the only advise I can give you is trust you heart and gut.  Good Luck. Your happiness is what matters the most.

Foxy2404
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:09 PM

it depends how you really feel about this guy!...I realize its scary coming out of a realtionship like that but if you truly love him and you think he loves you then im sure it would work out great!...maybe just talk to him about your fears. good luck x0x0

BusyB4thm
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:10 PM
I totally understand where your coming from... you had a bad experience but not all guys are like that (i use the word guy because a REAL MAN would never do that to a woman). youve been living with him for a year and you are ok with it. The question is are you afriad he will turn out like your exhusband? If your in love with him and want more children then I would. Not all marriages are the same. Hope you all the best wishes and all the happiness!!!!...Good Luck

Desiree C. Mom to 1 vibrant boy!toddler boy

Tracyfly
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:10 PM

I would give it another 6 months at the least but would recommend another year.  I totally understand about getting remarried.  My ex husband was abusive too.  You want to make sure you're not getting yourself into that type of relationship again.  Above all listen to that inner voice.

babygomez
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:10 PM

Well i'm assuming you found someone(your SO) different than your ex husband, and to even have a child with this person, you should also feel comfortable enough to marry him and build a life together. If you feel that this is something that you really want deep in your heart, then go for it!♥:)

Cafeolait
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:14 PM

I was in a relationship with DH for 7 years and had two children before we got married and I can say that having a child with someone is far more of a commitment than marriage!!! You have already done the hard yards, marriage is the icing on the cake. It will not improve a bad relationship OR hurt a great one. If you are happy and love each other it's a great idea! Good luck!

HollyLC
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:18 PM

I think you need to discover Christ, get settled, and evaluate why you got divorced.  Then, if you still think he is a godly man, who will provide for you, protect and love you, marry him and stay with him no matter what.  Marriages can always change through the power of prayer to Christ Jesus.  Mine did.  I've been abused, I know what it's like,....but don't be scared because of it.  That means you're comparing him to another man.  They are two seperate people.

HollyLC
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:21 PM

Also,...screw the gut feeling!  It will always tell you negative things!  I would have divorced my husband the second night we were married if I listened to my "gut"!  Now we are going on 3 years!

Niqui_lady
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:21 PM

Well, I think if you love him, especially if you love him enough to have kids with him, you shouldn't be afraid to get married. Part of love (one of the harder parts for sure) is trust. I think you know in your heart what you should do already. Take some time if you need it to really think and observe your guy. If he has abusive tendencies, you already know if you aren't blinding yourself to it because you don't want to see it.

If you don't want to get married, don't. But don't reject the possibility just because your ex is a douche.

shamillionaire
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:23 PM

I was married before this relationship as well. We have been together for almost 4 years, no marriage yet. Don't let anyone push you into anything your not ready for.

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