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He's not a true father...

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 3:14 AM
  • 13 Replies

My husband has been my best friend for around 5 or 6 years now. And I love him dearly. But lately he has changed. He has become the biggest jerk I have ever seen. For example when my gorgeous son was born he didn't even want to hold him. And an hour afterwards he was playing on the computer. I have seen numerous messages where him and his ex's are talking in a manner that is not appropriate while your married. And when I walk outside while he has my son I have heard him yelling at him, excuse my language "but telling him to shut the F up." I have asked his family for help but they say it's he needs vitamins or he's adjusting, then try and say it's my fault for being bitchy or not letting him sleep. HE SLEEPS OVER 12 HOURS A DAY! I am expecting again and I would hate to take my children from him but I don't know how to help him anymore, he won't talk to me.....and I have no one. My family is all gone and I moved out of state to be with him so I have no friends and he is the provider. Somebody HELP advice please???

by on May. 26, 2010 at 3:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AMarineLovesMe
by on May. 26, 2010 at 3:31 AM

If you want him to be better and for things to work out then see if you can't get him to go to counseling with you and get him into a parenting class.  If not both push for at least one.  If he's dead set on not doing anything to make himself a better husband/father then do you have a friend or a family member anywhere that will let you stay there for a little while so he can see how empty his life will be if you leave?

cassieslove
by on May. 26, 2010 at 3:37 AM

We have done short parenting classes. And he doesn't want to go to counseling. He has some anger issues and  I have left with his family for a few days at a time and he never even begged and talked to girls while I was gone. He didn't even act excited when I came back. Didn't hug his son. And the only family i have is a grandmother in Ca, I'm in WI

Quoting AMarineLovesMe:

If you want him to be better and for things to work out then see if you can't get him to go to counseling with you and get him into a parenting class.  If not both push for at least one.  If he's dead set on not doing anything to make himself a better husband/father then do you have a friend or a family member anywhere that will let you stay there for a little while so he can see how empty his life will be if you leave?


AMarineLovesMe
by on May. 26, 2010 at 3:44 AM

Oh wow that's rough, I'm sorry.  Have you tried to get him into anger mgmt or to a doc to see if they can give him meds to balance him back out?  But then there's always the chance that nothing will help and he's just an ass - he sounds a lot like my ex who needs to be castrated...

Quoting cassieslove:

We have done short parenting classes. And he doesn't want to go to counseling. He has some anger issues and  I have left with his family for a few days at a time and he never even begged and talked to girls while I was gone. He didn't even act excited when I came back. Didn't hug his son. And the only family i have is a grandmother in Ca, I'm in WI

Quoting AMarineLovesMe:

If you want him to be better and for things to work out then see if you can't get him to go to counseling with you and get him into a parenting class.  If not both push for at least one.  If he's dead set on not doing anything to make himself a better husband/father then do you have a friend or a family member anywhere that will let you stay there for a little while so he can see how empty his life will be if you leave?




babies

cassieslove
by on May. 26, 2010 at 3:51 AM

THAK YOU! Someone agrees. But I will say I know he has stability issues. I don't feel like getting into too much detail about that but you almost have to in order to be able to look at your child and see anything other than love right? I'm just not sure if there is any other safer healthier option for my son anymore but to leave him. But again I have no where to go unless I take him fully away from his father. Which at times he's okay I don't know...

Quoting AMarineLovesMe:

Oh wow that's rough, I'm sorry.  Have you tried to get him into anger mgmt or to a doc to see if they can give him meds to balance him back out?  But then there's always the chance that nothing will help and he's just an ass - he sounds a lot like my ex who needs to be castrated...

Quoting cassieslove:

We have done short parenting classes. And he doesn't want to go to counseling. He has some anger issues and  I have left with his family for a few days at a time and he never even begged and talked to girls while I was gone. He didn't even act excited when I came back. Didn't hug his son. And the only family i have is a grandmother in Ca, I'm in WI

Quoting AMarineLovesMe:

If you want him to be better and for things to work out then see if you can't get him to go to counseling with you and get him into a parenting class.  If not both push for at least one.  If he's dead set on not doing anything to make himself a better husband/father then do you have a friend or a family member anywhere that will let you stay there for a little while so he can see how empty his life will be if you leave?




thetammy
by on May. 26, 2010 at 9:46 AM

my dh is acting like that right now. its tough! he is going through a bout of depression though because he just lost an aunt. hes normally fine, and he never talks to other girls. it just seems like he has too short of a temper and he is constantly yelling at our ds.it causes a lot of fights. i hope things get better for you! my dh gets even more angry if anyone tries to talk to him about it.

TempestRayne
by on May. 26, 2010 at 9:47 AM

Sorry sweety, but I think you need some space for a while. Maybe until the baby is born even. My ex started doing stuff like that when I was pregnant with my middle child and I headed on out until he got his act together. My oldest and I stayed with my parents for a month until he got his stuff together, and I was already working on getting my stuff straight to stay there even longer.

HotMommaStout
by on May. 26, 2010 at 9:52 AM

He sounds depressed.

JohnnyCakes
by on May. 26, 2010 at 9:56 AM

 12 hours of sleep a day is not normal. He sounds emotionally disconnected, depressed. You can't fix that, only he can.

alexa_n_mommy
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:44 AM

Have someone come pick you up.

big_red05
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:59 AM

my husband had some issues too not right after my daughter was born but shortly after, I got on his case and we fought about it for awhile before he finally admitted he didn't know how to be a dad... his dad was never around for him and never took care of him or his sister, so I guess he was getting frustrated w himself cause he didn't know how to deal w crying and not being able to put himself first... he also was feeling neglected cause I was being a mother first... duh I mean the kid has to be taken car eof!! but once I found out what specifcally was bothering him we were able to work past it...so like a pp said he couuld be depressed, having a new baby in the family is hard for some men.. htey are diffrent from women... but you should try to work thru it first but if he is going to be a jerk for the rest of your life its not good for your kids.

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