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ABUSIVE EX-HUSBAND UPDATED IN RED

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:07 AM
  • 16 Replies

 

Poll

Question: do i talk to her?

Options:

yes

no

other ( please explain )


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Total Votes: 30

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i am trying to gather evidence to get custody back of my daughter. the reason he got custody is a long story. if you want to know, PM me.

anyway, my daughter has been telling me how her dad is getting scary again. i have talked to her about abuse and what is is, so she understands a little. she is 6. she has told me how he is breaking/throwing things and screaming when he is mad. even beating the animals and threatening my daughter and his new girlfriend.

i am wondering if it would do more harm then good to try to talk to Michelle ( the girlfriend )? i know he has probably told her lies about me and our relationship to try to get her to side with him and cover up his abuse. i want Addison ( my DD ) to be able to go to Michelle when her dad gets scary and have her help Addison get away from him and bring her somewhere safe when things like that happen. i don't know if he will 'punish' Michelle or Addison for even considering he is abusive. 

My DD knows how to call 911 but she said she gets too scared, which is understandable. i have a meeting with her new school teacher and counselor for this year ( school hasn't started yet ). they are going to be our best advocates right now. the police and social services are a crock and laughed at me, calling me 'just another hysterical woman'. he is friends with the cops in that town. 

so DO I TRY TO TALK WITH HER? i am just afraid of the outcome. he can be a scary man and i don't want to put another woman in danger. because even if she hates me because of what he has told her, i don't want to help him be abusive to another woman.

my daughter just informed me that she HAS CALLED 911 on her father when he went on one of his tirades and hit her and Michelle! i was never informed by either the police or by him that the incident had occured. now i'm really scared.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
EMMYBEARSMOMMY
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:15 AM

That's a hard decision to make! I would say you should at least try.

Here's a bump!

luvmybug
by Amanda on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:18 AM

thanx for the BUMP!

mstevens10
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:21 AM
I can't vote from my phone but I try to talk to her
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kaseelove
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:21 AM

 What harm could you do in talking to her? I would want someone to tell me if my SO was abusive and let her know you're comfy with taking your daughter out of harms way. It gives her a small sense in trusting you and knowing you're not the bad guy! :) I would do so!

Danielle_Nicole
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:23 AM

no...she will never listen to you.

Pudge_Pie20
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:26 AM

no, because likely she won't listen to you, i'm sure he's filled her head with lies about you and how crazy you are, and if she tells him that you tried to warn her it's only going to make him angrier. besides which if she's witnessing him screaming and throwing things and beating the animals and sticking around then nothing you say will change her mind.

KrhMsh
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:34 AM

If she doesn't want to hear it at least ask her for the sake of your daughter, if the GF wants to let him beat on her that's her prerogative, but ask her as a woman, someone who also gives life to our children and should protect them to tell your daughter to get out or call 9-1-1. That woman has a choice in what she lets herself put up with, children are stuck with us, tell your daughter if she calls 9-1-1 she has no reason to be afraid, when our guardian angels are away helping someone else the people from 9-1-1 are there to help us, and she shouldn't ever be afraid to ask for help. 

When her dad gets violent it is his cry for help, and explain to her even adults need help sometimes and might not even realize it, or are too stubborn to ask.

ANSnyder
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:46 AM

I would try to tell her. She probably will not listen but at least you tried. If he does do something to her you wont ever have the "What If.." hanging over your head. I would try to talk to your daughter more about calling 911 you need to try to get it on the record that he has these fits.

MrsNewman
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:49 AM

IMO you need to do everything in your power to keep your daughter safe! If that means speaking up and saying something to the new girlfriend, then do it! If he's been getting "scary" with her, than she already knows!

luvmybug
by Amanda on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:49 AM


Quoting kaseelove:

 What harm could you do in talking to her? I would want someone to tell me if my SO was abusive and let her know you're comfy with taking your daughter out of harms way. It gives her a small sense in trusting you and knowing you're not the bad guy! :) I would do so!

there IS harm in talking to her. there is the danger of him 'punishing' her or my daughter. THAT is why i am asking for advice. of course i want to tell her my story, but she most likely won't believe me.

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