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Sorry, just need to vent about the Inlaws!! Long post!!

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:19 PM
  • 11 Replies

I am 24 and pregnant with my first baby, a girl, due in November. My husband and I have been married for two years in August, and I love him a lot. We have had problems though, mostly with my inlaws. They have never liked me, and they are polite to me, sometimes, but lately they have just been a pain in the butt about everything. My husband doesn't have a good relationship with them and they treat him like he is a disappointment all the time, which drives me nuts cause every time we go and visit, I have to deal with the aftermath of how they make my husband feel. His side of the family has get togethers all the time and it is expected that every family member goes to every event, regardless of if they are supposed to work or not or if they have already made plans. They never plan anything in advance so it is really rough trying to get to these events that I for the most part think aren't worth it anyways. I am not just talking immediate family birthdays, I am talking baby blessings, graduations of cousins that he doesn't even talk to, etc. My husband works two jobs right now and they don't seem to understand that he never has time off to do these events, but they yell at him when he refuses to call in "sick" or when he can't get someone to cover for his shifts at work. And we really need the money too, so it really sucks having to choose between them and money. Thankfully, he doesn't agree with all the nonsense of calling in sick when he isn't and he is a responsible person. His parents blame me though and that is what drives me crazy. I was working a full time job where we were getting our insurance from until I found out I was pregnant and because I was working with chemicals and the department wouldn't let me switch to something else chemical free, I had to quit. We now have no insurance. My husband is looking for a full time job closer to my parents because we get along with them better, but he has had no luck so far. His parents keep saying stuff like "don't do anything drastic" when he tells them he is looking for a new job, which translates to "don't move further away from us" and they have even gone so far as to invite just him to his father's birthday celebration and saying that they didn't care about what I did in the meantime. They also told my husband that he ought to keep his current full time job and just get insurance for him and forget about how I am the one that needs insurance more at the moment. His sister is also upset with me and him for no reason. I am just worried about what this is going to do to the baby when she is born. I don't want her second set of Grandparents to hate her mommy or be disapproving of daddy. How can I handle this? I feel like they are blaming me for everything and like I don't even matter to them. They aren't even throwing me a baby shower for that side of the family, when they just did one for one of their other relatives a few months ago. I guess I shouldn't expect much, they didn't even throw me a wedding shower and only came to the one my sister threw for me because they "had to".  I just want my baby to have both sets of grandparents like her and I am worried what this bad relationship situation will do to her.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thefairone
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:23 PM

Well if they don't care, why invite them into your daughter's life. Better to have only one set of loving grandparents than have people in your life that are toxic. You guys should just quit contact with them. You don't need that stress!

Nicolle_09
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:35 PM

My SO's parents are like that.  Well kind of, they threatened to take our son from us when he was in the NICU cause I came from a broken family and wasnt fit to be a mother (out of my soon to be MIL's mouth).  They hate me and even though they say that they care about their son their actions show different.  They talk bad about us behind our backs then are friendly and nice to our face.  I dont want them in our sons life and SO agrees so they only get to see DS on major family functions (like the recent family reunion).  Its hard to have to cut family out but sometimes the taugh choices are the best ones.

Rembrandt2186
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:36 PM

My husband has actually said he wants to do that, but I don't feel right about it. I feel like even if he talked to them and told them that he has to make his own decisions now and take care of his own family that they just won't listen to him. My husband has said that if we did try to cut ties with them they might try and retaliate, and that thought scares me because his dad is a very angry person.

CStanfield85
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:40 PM

If they don't care about you and don't like you, I wouldn't give a damn about what they said. If they tried to "retaliate" tell the to bring it on! If they do something illegal send their asses to jail or get a restraining order. You and your husband don't have to put up with that shit.

NearSeattleMom
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:03 AM

I hope your husband can somehow get past feeling and embracing judgment from his family.  Be patient, don't burn bridges and don't take sides. 

Good luck!

juveli
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:20 AM

huggingim so sorry for you mama if i had any helpful advice i would share it with you but i dont. just remember that your going to have a daughter that doesn't need to be surrounded with people like that and is best that you move on to better things with people who will love her unconditionally.

xxLukesMamaxx
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 6:58 AM

This is great advice! I totally agree!

Quoting NearSeattleMom:

I hope your husband can somehow get past feeling and embracing judgment from his family.  Be patient, don't burn bridges and don't take sides. 

Good luck!


Rembrandt2186
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 11:21 AM

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I really appreciate it!

vboyde
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:29 PM

I totally hear you! My Mother in-law and Sister in-laws are horrible!!!!!! They treat me awful and give my husband a hard time all the time. My little boy Caleb is due in 5 weeks and my husband and I both agree that if they don't like me and are going to continue being awful to us then they don't need to be a part of Caleb's life. I know it's harsh but we need to do what best for our family not for them, it's their loss

daughterofearth
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:45 PM

you know bree vandicamp from desperate housewives? channel her, be very polite, yet as rude as they are...lol...i hate people like that!!how dare they judge you? dont let them get to you, you guys are doing great by the sounds of things and if you can find work closer to a supportive loving set of parents, do it! who cares if it pisses the inlaw off!!!

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