Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

unreasonable?

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:49 PM
  • 22 Replies

Ok, so I need to know if I'm being totally unreasonable here. If I am, please feel free to be completely honest. My family understands, but that's just that. They are family, of course they're biased haha.

My son is five months old. My husband is a marine, we've been through a rough few years, and the last deployment he went on was hard for us. He came home, and we started falling in love all over again-until I got pregnant. I basically went through the entire pregnancy alone. He did not go to any appointments, go shopping, look at baby stuff, didn't do any of the lovey-dovey stuff. I think he put his hands on my stomach ONCE the entire time. I had extremely hard pregnancy, as far as sickness. I wasn't much fun, I understand that. BUT still. My son was born premature, so he was in the hospital for a few weeks before he could come home. I think my husband went three or four times, for a total of maybe 30 minutes. He showed NO interest, and I had NO help for the first three months of his life. And then I laid it out on the table, he would help-with ANYthing or I would leave. Another month passes by, and he finally starts to help out some. Well, we've just been fighting. We have always had beyond exceptional communication, and since I've gotten pregnant, it's just bein nonexistant. I am currently seeing a therapist.

Well, at the beginning of this month, I had to come home (one state away) to dog sit for my mother while she went out of town. While I was up here, I logged onto his facebook (he knows I have the password) and found out he had been talking to his old girlfriend, and had invited her to dinner and drinks, and then to go skating. She is also from this area. Well I confronted him about it, and he says he was just talking, and he would never do it. Well, I have decided I want to stay up here with my family for a while. I have only been up here two weeks... I am thinking possibly til the end of the month. I am hurt and I think I'm positive that deep down, them talking would probably never materialize-but after everything we are going through, struggling to save our marriage... He does this. I want to work it out, but I am just NOT ready to go back and face it. He says I just need to confront it... But I don't think I can do it right now.

Am I being childish, by not giving in? I just don't think I could tackle it, and not use the ex-girlfriend bit as ammunition. I do NOT want to do that.

Any input would be really appreciated. I just don't know what to do. Thanks in advance.

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
silverdawn99
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:55 PM

uuum no offense there is no excuse to be talking to an ex girlfriend. stay with your family as long as you like. take your time. He needs to realize he messed up. if you are welcomed at your familys i would stay there and get some prospective. Good Luck!!

SuprMom08
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:56 PM

Hey...the term "cheating" has many definitions! If my hubby did that, I would be furious!! I would stay with your family as long as you wanted. He is in the wrong - not you.  He had better have a better explaination than "he was just talking, he would never do it" - I would have said...you shouldn't have even been talking! 

steffielou_who
by Stefanie on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:58 PM

I would stay with my family as long as it took... But then again, I'm also the kind of psycho person to beat the shit out of the bitch & nearly kill my old man so....

MrsDex
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:58 PM


Quoting steffielou_who:

I would stay with my family as long as it took... But then again, I'm also the kind of psycho person to beat the shit out of the bitch & nearly kill my old man so....


LOL

NSeni
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:59 PM

i would have gone home and packed all of his shit and threw it on the lawn.

PeaceMuch
by Kali on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:59 PM

Stay with them as long as you need to! He did wrong, not you.

MegaMutant
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:03 PM

People are perfectly capable of being friends with ex's. It's actually healthy. Being jealous over it, however, and saying he's not allowed to see a friend simply because they have a past is not. It means you don't have trust in him.

That aside, it sounds like he may be like a lot of guys: He doesn't know how to emotionally handle being a new parent. It's a huge step. And being a marine, his training could make it that much more difficult. He's expected to leave all his emotions behind when he's deployed and it's not something you can automatically turn back on. I think your best course of action is to sit down, face to face, and have a real, deep discussion about exactly what the both of you are feeling and see how you can work it out. It's not going to be easy, it's not going to be quick, but if you both work at it (not just him) I think you can make it work.

Brittany0602
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:04 PM

Hope everything works out for you but in my opinion, Dinner, Drinks and Skating... that's a date. 

 

MrsDex
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:08 PM


Quoting MegaMutant:

People are perfectly capable of being friends with ex's. It's actually healthy. Being jealous over it, however, and saying he's not allowed to see a friend simply because they have a past is not. It means you don't have trust in him.

That aside, it sounds like he may be like a lot of guys: He doesn't know how to emotionally handle being a new parent. It's a huge step. And being a marine, his training could make it that much more difficult. He's expected to leave all his emotions behind when he's deployed and it's not something you can automatically turn back on. I think your best course of action is to sit down, face to face, and have a real, deep discussion about exactly what the both of you are feeling and see how you can work it out. It's not going to be easy, it's not going to be quick, but if you both work at it (not just him) I think you can make it work.


I never said he could not be friends with his ex girlfriend. I was aware they were talking, but dinner and drinks, and then going skating (which I've asked him to do with me, but he won't)... That's unacceptable. Especially when she lives in another state. I AM working on it, that's why I'm so hurt. I am in counseling, I try to talk to him, I try to be patient about him and our son (I remind you, I waited for almost a year for him to 'come around'). I am hurt he chooses to turn to another woman and not me.

MegaMutant
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:14 PM

It sounds like you're doing all the work. You BOTH need counseling.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)