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i'm so mad at him and her! (and i'm almost never mad which makes it worse!)

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:50 PM
  • 21 Replies

my SO left his facebook logged in when he went to work today.  i thought it was my page (we have a lot of mutual friends so it didn't look wrong) and there was a new message so i clicked it.  well the message was from our mutual friend and apparently he told her that we're never getting married (we've been together for 7 years).  she asked if anything had happened and that she wouldn't say anything to me if that was the reason.  his reply was "no but why screw up a good thing?"  

i've been through SOOOOOOOOOO much with this man.  no, i didn't want to get married like tomorrow but i wanted to eventually.  i just feel like "well what am i doing all of this for???"...  i was there for him during the worst time in his life (emotionally and financially) and i litterally saved his life last december, plus we have a child together.  he's at work right now so i can't even talk to him about it.

AND i'm so mad at my "friend".  i know he knew her first but we've spent a lot of time together over the last few years and i thought i could trust her.  i'm not a drama queen so i'm not even going to say anything to her unless she asks why i don't talk to her (because she's obviously someone i don't want to hangout with anymore).

grrrrr!  i'm just so mad!  i also worked seven 9 hour days in a row this week so maybe i'm just over-reacting because i'm tired.  thanks for letting me vent ladies :)  any advice?

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
brae425
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:53 PM
Don't tell him what u saw just bring up the marriage thing and see what he says and tell him how u feel about it...good luck
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victoriaherring
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:55 PM

this is how i would handle it also.. good luck.

Quoting brae425:

Don't tell him what u saw just bring up the marriage thing and see what he says and tell him how u feel about it...good luck


sdwyer
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:57 PM

 So he thinks that if you get married it would ruin your relationship? I would be more hurt at that then what she said. Just going off how you worded this, it doesn't sound like she was trying to get in between you two. If there was something going on she probably just didn't want to hurt you OR she could've just said that so he would tell her something and then she was going to tell you anyway. IDK because I don't know her, but you said he sent her the message and she just replied. So why are you mad at her? Take some time to relax and don't get too worked up about it because maybe he was having a bad day and not thinking clearly (like men tend to do lol) when he wrote that.

Jozzie
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:57 PM
This

Quoting victoriaherring:

this is how i would handle it also.. good luck.

Quoting brae425:

Don't tell him what u saw just bring up the marriage thing and see what he says and tell him how u feel about it...good luck


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WesAndNicksMom
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:58 PM


Quoting brae425:

Don't tell him what u saw just bring up the marriage thing and see what he says and tell him how u feel about it...good luck

that won't help.  he's been joking (well, i thought it was joking) the last few years that we're never getting married because i waited too long.  end of conversation.  it drives me insane that he never talks about how he's really feeling.  sometimes i feel like an idiot for staying with him for so long but he's my best friend.  we've broken up many times (which is all i can think to do now, even though i don't want to admit it) but we enjoy spending time together so we always end up back together.  it just seems like it's a waste of time to stay with him (since it's not going anywhere) but it also seems like a waste of time to break up because we always end up back together.  ugh my brain is too tired to try to think rationally about this tonight lol

dababiesdreams
by on Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:02 AM
there are alot of people nowdays that never get married but spend their whole lives together!
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ilovexzavier
by on Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:06 AM

So just tell him the truth and ask him what is up with not getting married? I mean if you two are supposed to stay together then I do not see what the problem is.?

saduncan
by on Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:14 AM

I know a lot of people that are in committed relationships but marriage is not something that they desire at all.  My aunt and her SO have been together for...lordy, almost 15 years?  My sister and her SO have been together for 5 but will more than likely not be getting married.  They've all wanted to at some point but it always comes back to "why mess up a good thing?"  They still wear rings and the whole nine yards, just no certificate or ceremony.  To me it's just a piece of paper.  Nothing should change because of that.  Maybe he just sees it as not being necessary to show you how he feels?  

I would not bring up the FB message.  Give it a few days and just bring up the idea at some point.  Beat around the bush a little.  Just see what he says?  You two have been through a lot together as you have said, is this really going to be a deal breaker for you?

Mom2Jade08
by on Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:59 AM

Hmm I don't know... You should have probably not read the message, but why is she talking to him... Girls should stick together, and she is not being a friend... And he should not be telling your friend things about your relationship... He should be telling you... I would talk to him...

Charli627
by on Jul. 26, 2010 at 1:07 AM
Well, just speaking from MY experience. My DD#1's father waited till after he proposed and I said yes AND after he asked me to have his baby (which we planned for and I was three mths pregnant) that he didn't see me as ever being his wife. So I asked him "so does this mean we're breaking up". He said no cause he wanted me to still be his girlfriend. I told him that since our relationship will never get any further when the time comes that he does want to break up, it'll be so much harder for me to deal with so we needed to end it now cause the person who wants to be with me might be out there and he's wasting my time. Three years later I got with my DH. So I know I made the right decision. My ex never loved me like that. My ex's "why mess up a good thing?" meant that he wanted all the benefits of me being with him without him totally committing to me. And he was also waiting for his ex to turn her life around again (she's a lesbian, he's still waiting for her to turn back straight). But that doesn't mean its your situation. I would talk about it to see what it further means. Cause like a couple people said earlier it could be that he wants to be with you but just doesn't want the whole marriage thing. Just act like its a conversion about where you guys see yourselves in the relationship, you don't eve have to bring up the fb. GL
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