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How do you (honestly!) handle it when you and DH fight?

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:07 PM
  • 39 Replies

My hubby and I have been married for 7 years.  We have some major issues and are in counseling now.  Its going OK but I feel like we hash things out in counseling or in an argument at home and then its done and we act like nothing happened after.  I think this is why our problems keep going, they are never actually resolved.

So I hear women say they kick their hubby's to the couch, cut off sex, silent treatments, etc... Does any of this work?  Do you do it?  What do you do? 

Any input is appreciated, I feel like I don't know how to get what I want from him!  Maybe it is him....

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CStanfield85
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:13 PM

My hubby and I talk about it. I think one of the big things is communication. Without it, there could be a lot more problems. It works very well for us.

Mrs-Atkinson
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:18 PM

I always put my hubby in his place. Men can just be difficult sometimes. Generally I will blow up on him. One of us will sleep on the couch if it doesn't get resolved before bedtime. Doesn't have to be him. I also ignore him until he apologizes. These things always work for us. His issue is that no one has ever truly respected him. And when arguments came up they would say horrible things or even be abusive. So I do none of that. Just tell him he's being an ass and walk away. You have to find what will work in your relationship. That will start with figuring out why you and hubby argue. What is the root of the problem.

Mommap87
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:18 PM

 I walk away they cant stand it and then later on when we are calm i sit down and say look i apologize for what i said but you have to understand where im coming from. Its the listen then pass rule. He listens and when you done you dont interrupt and he says what he needs to say and try to figure out a medium that will work for both of you. It helps with hubby and I.

mommyof3boys567
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:21 PM

We argue I let him get everthing out then I say my peace and then it stays behind. .we NEVER do the couch or no sex thats is just petty its his house to so he has the same right in everyroom just as I do and we firmly believe in the dont go to bed mad rule.

lovemybabys1106
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:24 PM

 I yell until i feel like my point has been heard, and understood. We try to just talk but he tends to get a little annoyed if my POV on an issue is not exactly like his. Most of our fights are about money or the fact he is never home so I try to wait until I am calm and tell him how I feel. I think our fighting is part of the reason we have managed to stay together and keep our relationship strong enough to survive his family and mine not wanting us to be together. I cant say I am always happy or that we always resolve our issues but at least each one of us knows were the other stands and i think thats important

Dajennible
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:24 PM

When my hubby does something that bothers me I tell him right then and leave it at that. If he wants to start an argument he can have one by himself because I will say "that was uncalled for and I didn't deserve it" and leave it at that. I won't argue with him and give him justification for his words/actions. Then yes I do give him the silent treatment. I won't speak to or so much as look at him until he's ready to sit down and appologize and resolve things. Then i'll calmly tell him my feelings and what he needs to do better from now on and he agrees.

Ladywithtwo
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:25 PM

Our fighting is bc everyone has always done everything for him or bailed him out of any bad situation.  He's 33 and completly irresponsible bc he knows that I will run the house (not an option to stop either bc we have kids that need me) and if he doesn't make enough $ at work, his MOM and DAD give him money!!!

How can he ever grow up?  I don't want to enable him also and I don't know how to get through to him... *big sigh*

I seriously think about leaving him ALL THE TIME bc I could do all of this on my own  without the stress of dealing with him.  And I know that bc we lived apart for 2 1/2 years while he was deployed.  Problem is I'm a full time student now and don't make enough to support me and my kids on my own.  Not now at least.

sunfireprincess
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:26 PM

 My hubby and I usually have a screaming fight, full of cuss words. we settle down, but nothing really changes. He already sleeps on the couch due to snoring, but even if he didn't- I would sleep on the couch if I was mad.

sweettigeress
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:39 PM

When hubby and I fight it never lasts but a day. We will talk about things and try to work through them. I couldn't kick him to the couch if I wanted to. It's his bed too and it's not my place to say he can't sleep there. I personally find it childish that women actually do this. Same with silent treatments and such. How is not talking to each other going to resolve anything? Playing childish games doesn't help your relationship at all.

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Dajennible
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:40 PM

I really can't say that I agree with this. I used to do this a lot and sometimes still do but i've found that the louder you get, the less they listen. And the more often you yell and complain, the less they take you seriously. Eventually he'll start to think "oh she's just bitching again" and act like he's listening when he's really just waiting for you to stop so he can go back to what he was doing.

I'm not saying you don't have a right to yell, or that you shouldn't say anything. You have every right to vent and express your feelings to him but I think if you start approaching the issues a little more calmly, he'll start respecting you more and respecting your feelings more. And maybe the fighting will start to die down and become less severe and less often.

Quoting lovemybabys1106:

 I yell until i feel like my point has been heard, and understood. We try to just talk but he tends to get a little annoyed if my POV on an issue is not exactly like his. Most of our fights are about money or the fact he is never home so I try to wait until I am calm and tell him how I feel. I think our fighting is part of the reason we have managed to stay together and keep our relationship strong enough to survive his family and mine not wanting us to be together. I cant say I am always happy or that we always resolve our issues but at least each one of us knows were the other stands and i think thats important


"I see blindness not as a disability, but an ability. People with sight judge others by what they see. Black, white, red, yellow. Those words mean nothing to me. I can only see what's on the inside." Patrick Henry Hughes

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