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Feeling guilty...

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:11 PM
  • 17 Replies

 So last night, as i layed in bed with my daughter all snuggled up on me..i started thinking about when i was in elementry school. I dont know what started my mind on this, but suddenly i just pictured this lil boy that lived near me, rode the same bus as me, and went to the same school. He was even in my class a few times. His name was Angelo..and he had a disease called Alapecsha. Its an autoimmune disease that effects the hair folicles, in turn making ones hair fall out..whether fast or slow is all individual. This lil boy didnt show symptoms till maybe like..2nd grade..and i remember how everyone use to tease him..badly. I too teased, and was a bit of a bully..but also had a big heart. My best friend had cancer and had no hair and it didnt scare me..i still played with her even when no one else would! So it was my ignorance and prolly everyone elses about the loss of his hair that made us tease him, cause i know if i had known it was cause he was sick..i would not have been as cruel. I thought he was pulling it out himself or something.

   Anyways..as i thought about Angelo.and what he must of went through, i started to cry. I was hugging my lil girl to close to my chest, as the tears soaked my pillow. I couldnt stop thinking about Angelo's mother..and how it must of been for her. Her lil boy had some horrible sickness, and there was ZERO compassion from any of his peers. Being a mother now, it makes me think about how i would feel if Summer went through that..and it breaks my heart. I feel so bad for how i acted back then..and wish i could change it. I kept thinking about how when he must of came home from school everyday, crying..how his mothers heart must of just ached for her son. The cruelty a child can express is limitless, and sad in the sense that childhood is meant to be filled with innocense and joy. This poor lil boy prolly dreaded everyday he had to go to school. I just feel so awful.

   I have decided to be quite specific with Summer as she grows up, and educate her on stuff like that (if needed..like if a kid in class has Downs Syndrome, or Terrettes.) yknow? I think its ignorance to things like that wich creates the fear in a child..and when a kid is scared it can manifest itself in different ways. I do think that as time has gone on..and kids are moving at a much faster rate to grow up..they have also become meaner..more jaded. I sincerely do not want my daughter to be one of those kind of kids..and its up to me to make sure she doesnt repeat my mistakes

~*~jeri smith~*~

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommymegan06
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:13 PM

 bump

cadeesmommy0120
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:15 PM

Bump!

MegStorey
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:16 PM

BUMP!

Mrs.Murray27
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:17 PM

Well put mama, my sister found out she had a mild case of this in high school when a patch of her hair went missing. Now it seems when she is really stressed randomly patches will just fall and she wont notice until its gone. luckily it has always been where she could cover or hide it...thank you for sharing, kids do get jaded but I'm sure summer will listen and make the right choices! *hugs*

cadlecr4
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:17 PM

My DD has adhd and while its not as bad as alot of other things out there she has these hand ticks that go along with it and in kindergarden she got made fun of for it. (I mean these children are only 5 years old and already know how to hurt others).  Shes in 2nd grade now and just 3 weeks ago on the bus (she still does the ticks but not as much) a girl threatened to punch her in the face if she didnt quit. I mean really?? Its not like it bothers or annoys anyone. Its something a little different and other students dont get it.  I think what you are instilling in your daughter is great! I wish more parents would teach children that not everyone is the same and that its ok.

XxFade2BlackxX
by on Feb. 10, 2011 at 7:46 PM

 What does "bump" mean? heh..i know i know..im new ok?

Anyways..thanks for all who replied..this post is close to my heart.

LiveBreatheSing
by on Feb. 10, 2011 at 7:54 PM

Beautiful... you have a great artistic voice. We don't really know better a lot of the time when we are kids. I was one in MS who was teased A LOT, and I'll tell you what - if just one of those kids found me now and said something like that, it would mean the world to me. I can't imagine it would be that difficult to find this boy on facebook and tell him exactly what you told us. I bet you would really touch his life.

XxFade2BlackxX
by on Feb. 11, 2011 at 4:00 PM

 

Quoting LiveBreatheSing:

Beautiful... you have a great artistic voice. We don't really know better a lot of the time when we are kids. I was one in MS who was teased A LOT, and I'll tell you what - if just one of those kids found me now and said something like that, it would mean the world to me. I can't imagine it would be that difficult to find this boy on facebook and tell him exactly what you told us. I bet you would really touch his life.

 I did JUST that..i found him on FB and wrote him a letter telling him exactly what i had told you guys. I havent heard back from him yet. I really just wish i could go back in time and repair the damage i caused...like..as i got older..especially in HS i started kinda bullying the bullies. My sister (who is 3 years older) use to get beat up cause she was different..and "old soul" of sorts with a punk rock look to her. She was NOTHING like the girls in her grade...and they hated her for it. I remembered her comming home with 2 teeth knocked out when she was in 8th grade...and after that i decided i wouldnt allow that to go on anymore. I kinda started to protect those who couldnt protect themselves..i just wish i had done it sooner, and hadnt been so ignorant. It took someone I loved to get hurt..badly..in order for me to see the damage that could be done. Besides the fact of my sister comming home from school everyday in tears, or faking being hurt or ill in order not to go. I remember i even once denied being my sister's  sister...and i felt so awful. I was only 7..b ut still..and after..i remember looking up the kids number and calling him after school to admit i lied and that i was her sister!

 

 I hope i hear from him..i just hope he can forgive me...

~*~jeri smith~*~

toffypie
by on Feb. 11, 2011 at 4:16 PM

I just gotta say Bravo!  I was the girl that was bullied too for crooked teeth, wild hair, wacky imagination, and then I developed breasts in 5th grade...I went from like nothing to a C cup overnight, no joke...and this automatically made me a slut, apparently, and boys got quite grabby, shall we say.  I heard when you lost weight that the boobs were the first to go, so I developed a bit of an eating disorder, I lived in the baggiest clothes possible...UGH.  I still deal with that crap a lot in my mind.  Though I have embraced my boobs (except for when I go bra shopping lol), I still hate that I wasted my skinny years on baggy clothes and am still so damn insecure about so much.  If one of the many bullies I had messaged me an apology, it'd probably take me a while to respond.  No idea how I'd feel.  But oh man, that gesture would be amazing. Give him time.  Don't feel guilty either.  Kids are vicious when they don't understand, ya know?  Hopefully he realizes that.

Luvmyfam7
by on Feb. 11, 2011 at 4:19 PM

BUMP!

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