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Cheating...

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:19 AM
  • 9 Replies
What do you think about friends "cheating" on each other? For example....
One of my BFFs and I have known each other for 6 years. She has a newish bf, and her other BFF and I never see her anymore, really. Our kids miss her (The other girl has triplet 4 yr olds), we miss her, it's just not the same. (Long story, really, all around) Well, the other friend of hers and I have been talking over time, and she came to take pics of our kids Friday, and then we went out for food and drinks finally last night. We had a great time, seriously, just us two, and then we thought, omg, BFF is gonna flip out possibly, about us hanging out without her. But here's the thing... 1. We both have kids, and can share that. She is single, no kids, younger than us both. 2. We both needed a chance to get out away from kids and relax with girlfriends. 3. We have our own money to pay for our own fun. She is always broke, her mom pays for everything, rent, clothes, phone, smokes, gas, etc for her, and she owes our other friend over $600 for assorted things like bar tabs, etc, and she constantly is getting money from us for one thing or another, and we just both can't keep paying for HER to go out and have fun, ya know? 4. She was with her bf, as she is all the time, and wouldn't have been able to (in her mind anyway) go out with us anyway, and we both had a free chance, and with 7 kids between us, that's not common, per se.
So....can friends cheat on each other? Was it wrong of us to go out together? Just getting opinions, personally, if she gets mad, I plan on telling her that she has no right, that as moms, we have things in common that only other moms can understand, etc, and we needed time to unwind with someone who understood. :)
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by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-9):
im4life
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:24 AM

If she gets mad, then she is NOT your friend. The appropriate response from her, when/if she finds out, should be, "Did you have a nice time? How nice that you two got together! Anything new? How is she? I really have to make more of an effort to connect with you guys..." If she says anything different than that, then I would unload her. I know, easier said than done, when you have a history and all, but it would be ridiculous and immature for her to react any differently. Until she's walked in your shoes, she should have NOTHING negative to say. Why should you be made to feel bad, in the least, for having a nice time with a friend?

aamommy2011
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:25 AM

i dont like being replaced fully, but i wouldnt mind if my friends found another new friend.....

StarryRain
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:26 AM
Oh, I agree mostly. I was just thinking...you know how it is. One friend makes a new friend, and then the two friends of the one friend become friends and she could feel threatened, like we are "cheating" on her with each other...?

Quoting im4life:

If she gets mad, then she is NOT your friend. The appropriate response from her, when/if she finds out, should be, "Did you have a nice time? How nice that you two got together! Anything new? How is she? I really have to make more of an effort to connect with you guys..." If she says anything different than that, then I would unload her. I know, easier said than done, when you have a history and all, but it would be ridiculous and immature for her to react any differently. Until she's walked in your shoes, she should have NOTHING negative to say. Why should you be made to feel bad, in the least, for having a nice time with a friend?

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CamdensMom12
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:29 AM

It all sounds very high school. You are all adults with children. Who cares? Hang out with whom you want! I wouldnt let anyone tell me who I can and can't hang out with nor would I think twice about it. But I don't have any friends that would care.Good luck!!

lenoxclan
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:33 AM

*insert shocked face*...I can NOT believe you are cheating on me....*runs off crying*

In all seriousness I think it would be pretty childish of her to get mad because you were friends with her friends OR had other friends in general:0)

StarryRain
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:50 AM

You must have missed something there. The mutual friend between myself and this new friend is younger than us and doesnot have kids. That's part of the whole thing. And as I said before, it's a long story, but BASICALLY, she has been going through serious depression, anxiety, etc issues the past couple of years after a quickly dissolved marriage and what have you. We worry about her emotions. We aren't letting anyone tell us what to do, we are trying to be respectful for a friend's feelings. Besides, friend jealousy is a good thing in its own way. It's just her proving that she cares, and that she doesn't want to lose either of us, and wants to matter to us.

Quoting CamdensMom12:

It all sounds very high school. You are all adults with children. Who cares? Hang out with whom you want! I wouldnt let anyone tell me who I can and can't hang out with nor would I think twice about it. But I don't have any friends that would care.Good luck!!


im4life
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 11:24 AM

This adds a little bit of a twist to things--hmmm, I see your concern. Perhaps you could call her and say, "Hey, we got together to get away for a bit and have some girl time. We really missed you. Let us know when you're free and we can hang out..." (You'll know what works for your situation.) Then she won't feel as though you were totally dismising her or her feelings.

Quoting StarryRain:

You must have missed something there. The mutual friend between myself and this new friend is younger than us and doesnot have kids. That's part of the whole thing. And as I said before, it's a long story, but BASICALLY, she has been going through serious depression, anxiety, etc issues the past couple of years after a quickly dissolved marriage and what have you. We worry about her emotions. We aren't letting anyone tell us what to do, we are trying to be respectful for a friend's feelings. Besides, friend jealousy is a good thing in its own way. It's just her proving that she cares, and that she doesn't want to lose either of us, and wants to matter to us.

Quoting CamdensMom12:

It all sounds very high school. You are all adults with children. Who cares? Hang out with whom you want! I wouldnt let anyone tell me who I can and can't hang out with nor would I think twice about it. But I don't have any friends that would care.Good luck!!



mom2twins9909
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 1:30 PM
I agree with Lenox

Quoting lenoxclan:

*insert shocked face*...I can NOT believe you are cheating on me....*runs off crying*


In all seriousness I think it would be pretty childish of her to get mad because you were friends with her friends OR had other friends in general:0)

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ddemarco
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 1:34 PM

I'm one of those people that if one friend hung out with another, I'd be like "awesome!  let's all chill sometime."

I would start getting depressed if they seemed to like the other friend better than me (instead of equally) and if I started feeling more like a 3rd wheel.

I agree.  Call her up, explain the situation.  Tell her you missed her.

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