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Having daughter's father at delivery

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:30 PM
  • 51 Replies

So I need some advice because the more I think about it the more I don't think I want him there. My daughter's father has been very unsupportive this entire pregnancy (financially, emotionally, you name it). We were together when we found out we were pregnant and he was happy about it but then his parents got involved and wanted a pre-natal DNA test and were trying to get him to coax me into adoption! Needless to say there have been ALOT of hurt feelings over this 8 months with him going back and forth not even sure if the child is his (which it is!!!!) He had expressed to me a while back that he wanted to be at the delivery and I told him no problem with that, but the closer it gets the more I don't think I want him there. We are being civil for the baby, but a friendship is just too hard for us right now so we have stopped communicating unless its urgent and about the baby. What do you ladies think? Have you ever been in this sort of situation? It's really hard because I dont want to be mean, but I need a peaceful delivery and I am pretty bitter right now that he could not step up and stand up to his family and friends and take the responsibility for his daughter that he should have. thanks as always you ladies give great advice :)

by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Charli627
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:33 PM
I didn't have my DS's dad there cause he was being an ass so I understand. Do what you are comfortable with.
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JaivonsMommy
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:35 PM
Honestly go with what you think is right. Me and my oldest sons father were not getting along at all but I decided to let him come and everything was fine but if you feel like its going to cause you extra stress then don't do it if you don't want to. I wouldn't want extra stress in the delivery room.jmo...
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sandjmom99
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:37 PM

 hon, i say go with your gut. if its no, then don't allow him. you don't want him stressing you out and not letting your enjoy your special day with your special lil one!! whatever you choose i wish you the best of luck!!

MizStarr
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:38 PM
My SS mom had her boy toy at the time there for SS birth she had told DH he wasn't his. Well 9months later DH found out SS is his. But he can never get those moments back the birth the first tooth crawling ect. So from seeing it on the other side I would say if he is going to be a parent to this baby he has a right to be there. JMO
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TheBabyFactory4
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:40 PM

I was in a similar situation with my oldest dd. I left my x when I was 2 months preggo, my coworker/friend was there to help me get out of the apartment and let me stay in the guest bedroom at his house, he drove me to meet my ex when i needed to get the pregnancy test (i had no health insurance) so i could go get medicaid. Well we became closer friends and started dating, he would bring me to my dr's appt and was totally supportive of me, I did move back in with my parents. When it came time for my ultrasound I invited my ex to come with me and my boyfriend said he would stay in the waiting room. But he didnt even show up. Well through out the whole pregnancy he was so wishy washy and just loved to start drama, So i decided that I was not going to tell him when I went into labor and had a private room in case word got out. I had my boyfriend, who is now my husband and my dds legal adoptive father in the room with me. I did however call my ex to come the day after to see his dd. That was my choice because I did not need any drama during the delivery, it was already hard enough to have him there the next day.

im4life
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:42 PM

There are many ways to look at this and I do not think that either is wrong. I went round and round about this in another post. My thought is this: If he's not being a total douche--I mean abusive and such--if he's NOT being nasty to you, then I would let him be there. This isn't about the relationship that the two of you have (good or bad) but his child coming into the world. He doesn't have to be down at your cookie doing a "Johnny Bench", but he could be up by your head and a presence while your baby makes her grand entrance. I think it would be nice, down the road, if your child could talk about the day she was born with both of her parents. I don't think he should be denied the joy that comes with the birth of your first child. You also don't know what can happen down the road--maybe you two will work things out. Stranger things have happened. If he's being an ass and abusive then NO WAY! My take, based only on the limited information you gave is that his parents are influencing him. If he wants to be there don't you think he already knows that the child is his? You can't go back and do this again. If you regret it, well, no harm done--you can just chalk it up to life experience and say, "Yeah, I let the asshole in the room." If you regret not having him there, you can't do an instant replay. Also, as nasty as this sounds, I don't know what your plans are as far as custody. If you are cooperative it's going to look better in the eyes of the judge and moderator. If you allow him there, you are the parent who is working with the situation. He can't say that you are trying to alienate him by keeping him away from all that happens with his daughter. Start things out right, if you can.

mamatiger18
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:44 PM

Tell your Doctor you don't want him there and he will take care of it. 

Bennett121
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:45 PM
I would at least have him in the waiting area, once baby is born then let him in.
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kyliesmom1185
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:51 PM


Quoting im4life:

There are many ways to look at this and I do not think that either is wrong. I went round and round about this in another post. My thought is this: If he's not being a total douche--I mean abusive and such--if he's NOT being nasty to you, then I would let him be there. This isn't about the relationship that the two of you have (good or bad) but his child coming into the world. He doesn't have to be down at your cookie doing a "Johnny Bench", but he could be up by your head and a presence while your baby makes her grand entrance. I think it would be nice, down the road, if your child could talk about the day she was born with both of her parents. I don't think he should be denied the joy that comes with the birth of your first child. You also don't know what can happen down the road--maybe you two will work things out. Stranger things have happened. If he's being an ass and abusive then NO WAY! My take, based only on the limited information you gave is that his parents are influencing him. If he wants to be there don't you think he already knows that the child is his? You can't go back and do this again. If you regret it, well, no harm done--you can just chalk it up to life experience and say, "Yeah, I let the asshole in the room." If you regret not having him there, you can't do an instant replay. Also, as nasty as this sounds, I don't know what your plans are as far as custody. If you are cooperative it's going to look better in the eyes of the judge and moderator. If you allow him there, you are the parent who is working with the situation. He can't say that you are trying to alienate him by keeping him away from all that happens with his daughter. Start things out right, if you can.


absolutely brilliant advice! thank you!!!!! :)

kdasgirl
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:51 PM

If he really wants to be there I would tell him he can wait in the lobby (if it were me!) I wouldn't want any extra stress during the labor. Good luck.

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