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KEEP ME AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:24 AM
  • 30 Replies

I have to stay awake tonight. Got to take hubby to work at like 3am and dont trust myself to wake to an alarm, hubby is sleeping soundly, JEALOUS! but he needs his sleep. Just got to make it til I get back from dropping him off then I can sleep like a baby :D Post random crap, its fun to read :P lol

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mrschelley1219
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:26 AM
I got nothing right now. You put me on the spot.:( .:))
Good luck staying up.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MumsTheWord571
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:28 AM

pissed at DH. He's been so late for the past 7 weekdays that I have had to put DS to sleep without him. Which means he doesn't get to see Daddy. He misses him! Then the last 2 weekdsay he came home just as I got him to sleep & the garage door woke him up! Then DH was seriously mad at ME!! because I called him an hour after he said he would be leaving to see where he was at... guess where he was?? still at work!! UGH!

tayhoff
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:28 AM

lol thanks. I have been cleaning like a mad women thinking that would help. WRONG! now i'm drained and cranky. If only i didnt need the car in the morning damnit

tayhoff
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:28 AM

Dont you just HATE these akward schedules!!!!! I feel your pain :(

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

pissed at DH. He's been so late for the past 7 weekdays that I have had to put DS to sleep without him. Which means he doesn't get to see Daddy. He misses him! Then the last 2 weekdsay he came home just as I got him to sleep & the garage door woke him up! Then DH was seriously mad at ME!! because I called him an hour after he said he would be leaving to see where he was at... guess where he was?? still at work!! UGH!


MumsTheWord571
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:29 AM

Only a man...
This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "Pocket
Taser" for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of
the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button
AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get the
blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries... right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of
a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect hersel f
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries thinking to myself, "no
possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad....

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and

HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet,
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in
the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat
was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it
again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second
burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't
be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my
wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My
bent reading glasses were on the mantle of the fireplace. How did they
up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs.

I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward
for their safe return.

Still in shock,
Tommy

SkylursMomma
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:30 AM
*pokes ya to keep ya up* lol
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MumsTheWord571
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:32 AM

he's supposed to work 9 to 630, but he's been getting off at 830 or later and then DS is crying for Daddy at bedtime because that's their special time together. That's been something THEY do together since he was 6 months old! so it's been almost 2 yrs now that they've had this routine. It's been skipped here and there because of work but 7 straight weekdays? it's just too much! AND he is allowed to bring his work home if he wants- but he hasn't been doing it!

Quoting tayhoff:

Dont you just HATE these akward schedules!!!!! I feel your pain :(

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

pissed at DH. He's been so late for the past 7 weekdays that I have had to put DS to sleep without him. Which means he doesn't get to see Daddy. He misses him! Then the last 2 weekdsay he came home just as I got him to sleep & the garage door woke him up! Then DH was seriously mad at ME!! because I called him an hour after he said he would be leaving to see where he was at... guess where he was?? still at work!! UGH!



pregnancy due date

rosemagic01
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:32 AM

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

tayhoff
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:33 AM

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed the whole way threw that thing!!!!!!! LMAO

tayhoff
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:35 AM

This reminds me of a fb post *clears throat* "I always wonder where people are poking me on fb, just so i know if i should slap them or not the next time i see them".... hahaha

Quoting SkylursMomma:

*pokes ya to keep ya up* lol


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