Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'll admit it, I feel guilty about being a broke a$$ sometimes

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 12:50 PM
  • 14 Replies

As some of you know, my DH was laid off. Income has consisted of odd jobs - I filled in for a few weeks at my old job (but couldn't be permanently rehired b/c they needed someone to stay from 9am-6pm, and I couldn't b/c of the kids and they don't pay enough to justify daycare/after school care for three kids lol - so I just filled in where needed). DH has done sheet rock work, laid carpet, fixed some guy's car... etc... Odd jobs... Plus his unemployment, which is peanuts. DH is now back in school, working on a sports massage therapy certification. He loves it! And should be done by June. 

But we have made it work. Don't ask me how lol. Kids are taken care of. Lights are on. Car note is paid. Horses are fat and healthy. 

But I feel weird sometimes... b/c it *looks* like we are still in the good, financially speaking. And I'm afraid people who don't know me actually think that I neglect our finances and buy $200 jeans (like my kid's teachers... they know our kids are on the free lunch program, yet I pick them up in a bmw. do they realize that the situation for us changed, or do think I'm some sort of ghetto rat that spends money on cars but not my kids?!). 

Like, right now... I'm headed to the grocery store in my $200 jeans, $100 shoes with my iphone in my Hermes Kelly bag that happens to full of coupons. I feel guilty, even though I haven't purchased anything like that since our finances changed. I've been a VERY good girl as far as budgeting goes lol! I feel silly because I don't know what the future holds for us, yet I have three horses! Is there such a thing as consumer guilt? Is this like buyer's remorse? 

I purchased X back when I could afford X. But, now that I can't currently afford to buy something like X, I feel like I should even havve the X I bought beforehand. 

Ok, I'm making zero sense! LMAO! Sorry. 

I guess I feel like I LOOK like the people we sometimes talk about on here - the ones that live in public housing but drive brand new cars, kwim? I don't live in public housing and my car is 3yro, but that's how I feel - like I shouldn't have my old things because of my current situation. And now I feel bad about judging some of those people b/c what if they went through the same thing I'm going through now?!? Maybe they don't spend their SS or SSI or Childsupport (or whatever their only means of income is) on Coach bags - maybe they had those bags BEFORE. 

IDK. 

I'll shut up now and go to the store :P

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 12:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mrsniebo
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 12:57 PM

It's less expensive to keep the jeans/shoes/bag you already have than to buy new, less expensive ones. It sounds like you are doing what you need to to take care of your family. Hopefully the job situation for your family will turn around when your hubby finishes school.

dsptchmommy
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:00 PM
That's why I don't judge people who are hard on their luck with nice things. You never know.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kaethe
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:01 PM
bump i dont know mama. i wouldn't feel bad about stuff you had before your situation changed.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ambermario4ever
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:08 PM

it dose not matter what you already have what matters is what you buy now so don't feel bad it 

Kool_Aide
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:11 PM

 I understand feeling guilty. But, you have to remember you didn't just buy this stuff. People are always going to assume and judge. But, you know the truth and you sound like a really good person. Don't get rid of the things that you have that are nice just because you can't afford to have newer items that cost the same. Just be thankful that you have these things and cherish them. Some people have had it hard for so long that they really just have nothing left from their past that represents wealth.

I don't like to judge people and I wouldn't assume that you are cheating the system just because you drive a BMW. Like you said...you never know what someone has gone through.

TIFFANYT1432
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:22 PM
Thats right... Thank you for sharing, because maybe some ppl will see why they shouldn't judge anyone!!! Its not our place, and until we walk a mile in someone's shoes, we should stfu and worry about ourselves.. Bc you're right, I bet there are ppl looking at your car, the kids clothes, etc and judging you.. Just keep doing what you gotta do, and don't worry about it..


Quoting dsptchmommy:

That's why I don't judge people who are hard on their luck with nice things. You never know.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Chris030406
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:26 PM
Maybe it's the realization that I NEVER actually needed any of these things. They are just things! Why did I have to search everywhere for the perfect Dooney in the latest "hot" color? Really... Why? Now that I can't do that, I feel silly for ever having done that.

Sure, I do hate that I couldn't pay my dues with my horse club, but I don't have a spare $3000 this year lol. So, I do MISS THAT, but... My horses are just fine in my friend's free pasture and I still know how to ride without having to pay a club's exuberant annual fee!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mrs.Cornelius
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:37 PM

I wouldn't feel bad about it. If those are the clothes and items you already have, then let people think what they want because they don't know your personal situation, and they shouldn't. Me personally, when money gets tight, I would sell all of that expensive stuff if I didn't need it. I like expensive stuff but I don't get attached to it unless it has sentimental value; a gift or something like that. I have sold my belongings because of being low on money and needing to clear space as well.

chrissy8907
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:40 PM
I feel exactly like you. I have nice jeans and shoes but will have them for years! My SO is the our only income so I can go to school and take care of dd. Her father stopped paying cs so we are on a real tight budget! Don't worry you are doing everything you can to make a good life for your family :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Tara922c
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:08 PM

I have had that feeling before. I was broke when I first had dd. I was a single mom from day one, I couldn't work for 8 weeks so I didn't get paid, I had my income reduced before I had dd because I was waitressing, and then had to host. I tried to get a new job, but it is hard to get a job when you are big and pregnant. I lived off of my WIC food, and I ate free at work. I would actually stay after work, and do odd jobs so my manager would give me a free meal every day. Then to top it off, six weeks before I had dd, my work cut hours, and I went from 30 hours to 15 hours. I was BROKE. I wasn't rich before, but I was only supporting myself, and I worked all the time.

Anyway, my good friend bought me a coach diaper bag and gave it to me at my baby shower. I felt so guilty going to the grocery store, and buying formula with WIC that I barely used it. I also didn't take it to dd's doctors appts. because I was on medicaid, and didn't want to seem like I was abusing the system. I could have sold the Coach diaper bag, but a few hundred dollars wasn't going to change my financial situation. Eventually I caught up, and got back on track, but that few months was tough.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)