Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

SERIOUSLY? Why are people so stupid? **LANGUAGE**

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:24 PM
  • 33 Replies

 Before I even write this I am going to say this isn't a post about if it is right or not to smoke around children.  This isn't a post for you to come in and blabber ignoarnce about "I smoke around my kids and they are FINE"  This post is about MY child and why no smoke is to be around HER.  I seriously will freak if I see one comment about how it is okay to smoke around kids. Okay sorry...just had to throw that out there.

Most mama's in this group have seen my post about my DD, Ava.  If not...here it is...

http://www.cafemom.com/group/266/forums/read/13682551/My_baby_is_in_the_PICU_Edit_day_19_WE_ARE_HOME

She has been through a horrific ordeal and is still healing.  My ex and I weren't together when Ava was born.  I had just kicked him out and he was living with his mother.  They are heavy smokers.   He is a smoker.  His whole damn family is.  In the hospital when she was born the doctor (her pediatrician) was doing an exam on her and could smell smoke on her from them holding her.  They all grew up smoking and their parents smoked while pregnant, and smoked around them and so on and so on.  They are the "my  mom did it and I am fine" type people. Funny though...they are NOT fine.  They are always sick, have asthma, and it just seems like something is ALWAYS wrong with them.  Yet...to them...it has nothing to do with smoke.

Sorry I am getting side tracked.  Anyway -- I put my foot down and said that she was not to be in a car that had been smoked in and she was not to be in a house that had been smoked and she was not to be around people that were smoking even outside. This seems like common sense to me. Well my ex swears to me that no one ever smokes around her, yet she always came home smelling like a bar.  I had it put in the court paper work that she isn't to be around smoke.  Yet it continued.

FF to a couple of days ago and I get an email from my ex's step mom saying they are so happy Ava is better and that they have vowed not to smoke around her.  WTF?  I flipped.  I wanted to know why the fuck they were smoking around her to begin with.  Then that in turn made my ex and I get in to it.  She admitted they smoked in the house in the same room with her and he of course plays stupid.  Then she sends me another email today saying that for Easter she has told everyone there is no smoking in their house except in the bedroom.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Like do you not get it?  Did you not see the tube in her throat.  Did you miss the 19 days she was in the hospital?  WTF?  She can't be in a house that people are smoking in or have smoked in!!!  How hard is that to get through your ignorant skull????????????  IDK what to do.  By law I can't keep her from going tomorrow with her dad.  I already have my foot shoved halfway up his ass about it and I feel like as her father he should be smart enough to keep her out of that situation.  I am tempted to get an attorney and use the email as proof that they broke the court order.  IDK.  I have no idea how this works.  But these people obviously don't get it and I can't let her little unhealed lungs be around this and if her dad doesn't care enough to keep her away from it someone has to. 

I guess this is mostly a vent, but also if anyone knows the legalities of it?  Would getting an attorney make a difference?  I know my cousin in Ohio has it in his court order as well and his ex breaks it and smokes constanlty and they have taken her to court for it time after time, but nothing gets done.  This is so stupid.  This is the last thing I should have to be dealing with :(

 

EDIT - So I talked to my ex and I said that since I was going to be on the other side of town that I would just bring DD to his family's house for Easter.  He said that was fine.  That way I can go, walk in the house, and decide if I am comfortable leaving her there.  They don't know when I am coming so I will just pop up and see if they are doing what they say or not.  I am most comfortable with this option.  That way he gets his time and I can know for sure if she is safe to be there.  Sounds like a good plan.  Only thing that would turn it ugly is if there is smoking in the house or if I can smell smoke.  We did agree that he would no longer take her to his actual Mom's house and that makes me happy.  That is a long story for another post.  Wish me luck.

by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
metalhealthmom
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:30 PM
i totally agree w you.

i have one question: why does being in a house thats been smoked bother her? is it the scent?

im just wondering bc the only smoker im around is my friend and she doesnt smoke in her house or car bc her son has asthma.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kngarber
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:33 PM

 It can irritate the airway.  Same with anything aerosal, perfumes, and anything you use to make your house smell good.  I was told to keep her away from all of it.  And I am a big smell person.  We love sprays and candles and have put it all away.

Quoting metalhealthmom:

i totally agree w you.

i have one question: why does being in a house thats been smoked bother her? is it the scent?

im just wondering bc the only smoker im around is my friend and she doesnt smoke in her house or car bc her son has asthma.

 

luvhubandbabys
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:34 PM
If its a health issue I'm sure u could do something immediately...does papers say that he gets her tomorrow.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommyrheinhart
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:35 PM

she shouldnt even be held by people who have smoked unless theyve changed their cloths and taken a shower i know what you mean my daughter went throught the same thing!!! i hope everything gets better and that you can get it through his head that she cant be around that stuff!!

UrbanSoccerMom
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:37 PM

how likely is he to file in court because of it? that would be the consequence, then you would have a hearing to determine if you were wrong or not for doing it. in this case, that email eludes to a lot.

if the police come to your door, tomorrow for visitation. you don't have to open it. they cant make you for a civil matter.

bcmommy0829
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:38 PM

when a doctor specifically tells you to not let your child be around things for her health but you do it anyway, that is called medical neglect. get cps involved. he and his family will either shape up or not get to see her. simple as that.

kngarber
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:39 PM

 The papers don't have exact dates.  It is the schedule the state recommends.  He hasn't had her in over a month because of the hospital.  Really I could get in trouble for not letting him have her last weekend.  Ugh.

Quoting luvhubandbabys:

If its a health issue I'm sure u could do something immediately...does papers say that he gets her tomorrow.

 

mrs_smiph
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:40 PM

If it were me, I would keep her away no matter what!  They won't haul you to jail for protecting your child.

melisawoosley
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:41 PM
2 things, it's in the papers AND medical neglect! Hellloooooo! WTF is wrong with people?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Loveing_My_Life
by on Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:41 PM

 I Agree with you! I do not let anyone smoke around my kids, Nor will anyone be allowed to smoke at my house where my kids can smell it

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)