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Does grandma love Joel more than Alyssa?

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 5:35 AM
  • 8 Replies
I have this issue with my mother in law. my husband feels the same way, but doesnt like to discuss it much b/c it upsets him. Well for one thing, he even feels like his mom treats him differently than his other two siblings. And he feels like it has alot to do with the fact that he has a different father and his other two siblings have the same father to which she's still married to. So, sometimes he feels like they leave him ( well us) out of family things.

So, anyway heres the main sister in law has a 3 yr old son. she had him at 16, so the first year of his life...well yr and a half, they still lived in my in laws house, until my sis in law moved out with her bf ( baby's dad) nearby. well anyway, my MIL is very close to Joel. she even sees him everyday. While my daughter, Alyssa on the other hand, doesn't see her unless we go to my MIL's house, which is only 20 min away. Mind you, I don't drive, and bus transportation out here is bad, so my hubby and I only go to my MIL house on the weekends. But sometimes we want some alone time, so we don't go. She never calls to ask how shes doing and she never ever comes by to see her. OK, so I'm not that close to her as I should be ( thats a whole other issue), but she knows she can come by anytime to see her granddaughter. And when shes around, she doesn't pay much mind to her. Oh, and babysitting, FORGET IT...the couple of times we've asked shes made us feel guilty. And my daughter is an easy child to take care of. She's actually fun and funny, or sometimes quiet. People have asked us if we'd like to drop her off ( like friends) but we just cant. But in the meantime, my MIL takes care of Joel all the time. And while he is a cutie, hes two handfuls. I DON'T GET IT! We just feel like she loves our daughter less......
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 5:35 AM
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by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 8:02 AM
I am in the same boat it is so sad. My husband doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to start anything. What do you do?
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 11:33 AM
My MIL (okay I'm not married, but she will be someday I'm sure) has seen my boys MAYBE 3 or 4 times. She has never seen Kyla. He husband is a dick (and guess what? That's his name too!! Laughing Sorry) and he doesn't let her do anything. But I'm sure even if he did she still wouldn't come see them.
My grandpa on the other hand has always hated Dominic, my 6 year old. We thought maybe it's 'cuz he's racist and Dominic is asian, but Noah my 4 year old, was always Grandpa's favorite and he's asian too! Who knows. Everything Dominic did he got yelled at for and Noah could do no wrong.
My grandpa has always lived with my parents, but then I moved back in and we fought too much so he moved out. I felt really bad for a long time, but my mom feels better now that he's gone and he's her dad! She was always scared to leave Dominic out here with Grandpa while she went in the bathroom! He wouldn't hurt him, but he yelled A LOT! Now Kyl is almost 5 months old and Grandpa has never seen her. Oh well I guess. He knows where we are.
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 11:42 AM
Ok i am in a boat similar to this... my husband had a child with an ex girlfriend, and his mother sees this little boy more than we do... but she NEVER ever even called to check on my daughter when we were in the hosp or when kenzie was in NICU. she saw my daughter 3 times... once because she was beating on our door at 830am. and kenzie was up eating, and we made her leave 2nd time was bc my husbands gma was in town and she wanted to see kenzie.. but his mom tried to tag along... and on other time (and it was the last) we had to drop something off at her house for hubby's brother. and she saw kenzie through the car window.... and she will never ever ever ever see my daughter again. she hates me bc i married her son, and now she loves my hubby's ex. so it is a much longer story. but my thing is, i only want positive people in my daughters life, and people that love her... and if someone in our life is negative or doesnt want to see kenzie then they never will.... and thats that!

by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 11:52 AM
I know how that feels too. My husband is the baby of his family, it use to be his mom would do anything for him but now its changed. But his sister has 3 kids and her oldest girl is his moms favorite then when his siter had the second girl that became close to her too. i have 2 girls that she treats differently and my husband knows how I feel about it and he understands and he does speak up. He has been deployed since Feb. his family hasnt sent him anything I have sent it all which I have to say I love that. But its wrong and if he doesnt call them they have a cow because he calls me as much as he can but doesnt call her. Well he has no reason too. But my 8 wk old has seen her maybe 5 times and when she does see her its usually at family gatherings and she tries to show her off and acts like she loves her too death and that pisses me off more than anything. But she favors this one sisters children I think because she relies on her for everything because shes not with any of the kids fathers and 2 of their fathers have nothing to do with the kids. She is now living with her parents again, she was living with me but my husband told her she had to find her own place.(I have a 2 br apt) i dont understand how people can show favorites to one child more than the other. oh an holidays makes me not even want to go over there, my kids always get short ended. Its just not right. So I dont go over there unless I'm invited which is rare. I know my girls have all they need for love in me and they will know when they get older and then the grandparents will regret it because the child wont have anything to do with them.
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 11:56 AM
We had that situation. The problem is with my gram. My cousin had a little girl abotu 6 years ago. My sister than had my nephew a year later and then I had Sycily 2 1/2 years later. Well my gram would buy everything and anything for my cousins little girl but not for Hunter my nephew. She would make sure she would see my cousin every week and Hunter would see her like once a month. Well when I had Sycily she did the same thing with her that she did before she paid tons of  attention to my lil girl but not to Hunter. Finally my sister and me sat down to talk about it because we wanted to find the reason why. Well what we came to was my gram had only to kids which were girl my mom and aunt. Well so we put that as part of the problem. Also she saw my cousin much more when she was first born than she ever saw Hunter. Which was in part because Hunter was born in the middle of winter and my cousin was in summer. My gram doesnt go anywhere in the winter she just stays put. Well I had my daughter in the summer so we saw more of her. Also my gram lives at a lake so we are up there during the summer all the time. Well we decided to have my sister take my nephew you up to see my gram at least 3 times a week!! Since she started doing that OMG Hunter is sooo spoiled now if more so than Sycily or my cousin!! Heck its like we dont even exist anymore since she became close with Hunter. So the problem was simple!! She just wasnt close with Hunter and we had to make the effort to make her feel more comfortable around him and bring them closer!!

So try that do family dinners with your MIL and her hubby but no one else!! That will give her the time to get to know Alyssa. Also invite her to go to the zoo or something with you. Gives her time to get to know her yet again!! It just seems to me like she just is closer to Joel than Alyssa not that she loves him more!! Good luck
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 11:57 AM
My MIL was like that at first when I got with her son, so what he did was just never talked to her, never went over (and when he use to go over he would bring baby girl with him) and never called her, then one day she called and asked what happened, he told her he felt she wanted nothing to do with him and us so we granted her wish. Well it worked a lil to well, some weeks she calls here like 20 times, but I just never pick up the phone (we hate each other). good luck.
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 12:12 PM
Something my mom told me is that she feels it's natural as a grandma, to feel closer to HER own daughters kids. I guess because the baby is coming from your own child. I don't know......just a lil' conversation we had.
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 9:50 PM
my mil does this with my kids. she says that she feels closer to our daughter because we lived with them for about 5 weeks after we got married and for another 5 weeks when she was 2. she sits there and complains about her relationship with our son, yet she never asks to take him, and she always calls to ask to take claire. i think that the reason she acts like that with your child is the same reason why my mil acts like that with my kids. she feels like she has more of a bond with joel. and how she treats your husband is the same way that my fil treats my husband. i think that it has to do with the fact the i got pregnant at 17, so its kinda like his dad wrote him off. so i completely understand your frustration in this issue here!
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