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Does marriage constitute "family"?

Posted by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:40 PM
  • 49 Replies
I've seen all over cafemom that mostly married mothers (they also base this on facts, which I find very biased...) that you are not a "family" until you are married...and that children thrive better in a home with parents who are married, and living together.

Is this biased information? Or do you agree with this?

My personal opinion is that just because two people are not married and have children are still a family. Just because two people with kids choose not to get married ( for whatever reason) are still a family. I didn't think having matching last names and a shared bank account made someone more of a family than unmarried couples.
But, before I'm bashed, that's just MY opinion. (my opinion is based on life experience, not biased things, by the way.)

thoughts?
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by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sahm_of_rj
by Marisa on May. 18, 2011 at 12:43 PM

 I'm married, I can't imagine having kids without being married, but that's what works for ME.  My sister is divorced and her ex is still family - he's the father of her youngest and the only father her oldest ever knew.  We all treat him with kindness and respect.  They still do things as a family, such as Christmas and birthdays.  Family is whatever life throws at you and you do what you can with your situation.  On the other hand, my parents being married didn't make my family much of a family.  It's all about YOUR situation, nobody should be making blanket judgements.

MOTHERofTHR3383
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:45 PM
I totally agree!! I was married once and it was horrible....(which I think it was just the jackass I was married to) but I'm with my SO now! And I ain't fixing something that ain't broke!
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Tink0711
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2011 at 12:45 PM

I'm not married. In fact, my fiance isn't even my daughter's bio dad. Yet we live together, we have a shared bank account, & we are more of a family than some married couples with children who are both the adults' bio kids. I don't plan to get married any time soon, so that also means I won't get divorced. 

crabtreemommy
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:46 PM

NO. You are family even if you arent married. I have family that isnt even related (blood) to me!! :)

Joppamomofsix
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:46 PM

I don't feel like people have to be married in order to be considered a family.  In fact, I think a lot of families would have been better off if the parents had not felt like they had to get married, or if they had been mature enough to realize that marriage was not the best thing for them.  Marriage is difficult, and should never be something that you enter into just because there will be a baby, or because anyone tells you that your family doesn't count because you're not married.

GirlWSlingshot
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:46 PM

Marriage doesn't make a family. I think the commitment is what makes the family. It's people that made a commitment to spend their life together (and possibly procreate) whether they're feeling particularly happy with each other on a given day or not.

I guess I don't see a point to purposely remaining not married if you want to stay together forever. It makes things simpler legally, but I think it's just a public declaration of that commitment. However I wouldn't say that remaining not legally married makes a family any less real.

MommaJ428
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:46 PM

no i dont think you have to be married to be considered a family.  Marriage is not for everyone and my husband and I were family before we got married.  I dont think that you need to be married in order to raise your kids as a family either or even live in the same house.  Sometimes its better for everyone if they are sperated. 

briellesmomma
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2011 at 12:49 PM


Quoting GirlWSlingshot:

Marriage doesn't make a family. I think the commitment is what makes the family. It's people that made a commitment to spend their life together (and possibly procreate) whether they're feeling particularly happy with each other on a given day or not.

I guess I don't see a point to purposely remaining not married if you want to stay together forever. It makes things simpler legally, but I think it's just a public declaration of that commitment. However I wouldn't say that remaining not legally married makes a family any less real.

Well Said! Agreed!

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mommyjenn84
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:50 PM
I think being committed makes you a family: married doesn't = family, kids don't = family. Help I think you could have kids and be in a relationship and it NOT = family
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gilbertgrl627
by on May. 18, 2011 at 12:50 PM

Yes and no. My mom and dad (stepdad, but raised me since I was little) were never married, but we were a family. I didn't want to have kids without being married, but that's just what I wanted to do. If you are in a committed relationship (married or not), and you have children, you are a family.

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