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How long do you support someone who chooses to stay in a abusive situation?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:42 PM
  • 36 Replies
I don't even know where to begin.... My best friend Lauren, she moved next to me last summer after a terrible breakup with this guy Mike. She was doing really well after she moved here, she would hang out with me, her other friends and her family a lot. I guess she was trying to get to know herself and gain her independence from men. Good for her right??

Well like last September that all changed. I'm so worried about her. Long story short.... She started dating this guy who lived next door to her named John. In the beginning he was nice. But slowly things fell apart. At the end of Jan. she found perkosette (sp?) along with a credit card and snort straw in his bathroom drawer (by Jan, they were pretty much living together at his house, she never went home to her apartment.). She didn't confront him at first and it upset me that she wouldn't question him. Now John works at a large employer in town.... Pretty much everyone you meet here works there or knows someone who works there. So I started asking around to my family members and friends. Surprisingly, a lot of people knew him and his habit!!! I told Lauren about this, and she decided after a huge fight one night that she was done with him.

K, strap in your seatbelts because this is where mad drama happens. Fast forward about 2 weeks after she dumps prince powder brain. She finds out she is pregnant. She cries and cries and cries. Decides that an abortion is best. I told her I loved her but I couldn't support her... At this point I just watched my daughter struggle in a nicu and I didn't have it in me to support her through it. So she decides on abortion and says that her abortion is ONLY between me n her. She didn't tell Johnthat she was pregnant or about the abortion. Well ok, I guess. It's her life. And I thought it was the smartest choice at the time.

K so fast forward about a week after the abortion. She gets back with him!!! Not only does she get back with him, during an arguement one night, she told him she was pregnant and that she miscarried!!! Uhh... No you didn't.... She said she told him that bcus she was having trouble coping with the loss and thought John would give her sympathy and comfort if she lied....uhh but you aborted because you couldn't stand the thought of being tied to him and having a child with him. K.... Sicko... But you just lied the biggest lie EVER to make yourself feel ok with your decision. Ugh I can't, it disgusts me.

So fast forward like another month. John is saying he is clean, which he's not. He gets evicted, has his trucked repoed and steals Laurens debit card and drained 4k from her account when she got her tax refund. He moves to the next apartment complex, buys a Acura integra with the money he stole from LAUREN. This guy is Satan in street clothes!!! And he isn't even nice!! Like the third time I met him, he screamed at me for not giving him laurens spare key to her apartment. (I have a spare to walk n feed her dog if she works late) . I never spoke to him after that, but he calls Lauren names, he screams at her, he storms off, he comes to her house in the middle of night demanding money and screaming outside of her window, he texts her things like "if you ever leave me I'll kill myself."

dude is off his FLIPPIN rocker!! I have told her to call the cops and file reports with them, she won't because she is afraid he will hurt her, OH and because he has a warrant for unpaid traffic fines. I've told her to report him for saying he will commit suicide and have him committed for 48 hr supervision and HOPEFULLY they chain him to the bed forever. She won't because she says she loves him....

Thinking about this, it makes me sick. I've come from an abusive relationship and I can see all the signs. I hate that she involves me because he scares ME to death. he is unpredictable, he owns lots of guns, and I found out through my cousin that he is now running jobs for his dealer.
I can't turn my back on her. But I can't continue to associate myself with her. I have 4 kids and a husband to keep safe. And with him being so unpredictable I don't know what else to but tell her she is on her freaking own.

She texted me yesterday that she couldn't come over because it would upset John. He doesn't want her with me anymore. WTF??? And she's so fucking stupid that she does whatever he says now!!!

I'm so scared that one day I'm going to come home and see her being carried out in a body bag. Or I'm going to be woken up by the cops saying she's been beaten to a pulp and she needs someone at the er. Considering I'm her emergency contact at work, on her healthcare and with the apartment management... I'm going to end up getting one soon enough!!!

:(
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by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
treynlisa
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:46 PM

If she is a close friend all you can do is be there for until the end. You don't have to support her financially or anything just be there for her when she needs you because she will.

WesAndNicksMom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:46 PM

i just stopped talking to my ex-bff in february.  it just got to the point that i didn't enjoy hanging out with her at all the last year we were still talking.  she would only call if something was wrong and if you didn't want to talk about it then she would get angry.  i sat down and asked myself if her in my life was a positive or a negative so that made up my mind.

mom2twins9909
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:48 PM

Wow.. That is crazy, Kelly. If he is unpredictable then I suggest you stay away from both of them. I know it will upset you to stay away from her because you care about her, but you have to look out for your family to like you said.

She is off her rocker. You can't help a person that doesn't want out of the relationship. My mom was like that and kept going back to him everytime.

I am sorry I have no idea what to say. *hugs*

2ninos4me
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:48 PM
Im sorry but yes u can turn her back on her u just dont want to .... If she doesnt want to open her eyes and care enough about herself than theres no much u can do for her and if i were u , id have left her friendship a long time ago , i dont need friends like that and ur family could be at risk so think about them first not your friend
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2ninos4me
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:51 PM
** ur back ** sorry i had a type-o lol
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kngarber
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:53 PM

 Wow.  I would have cut our friendship off, not when she had the abortion, but when she lied and said she miscarried.  That would have been the end of our friendship for me.  He is obviously off his rocker, but so is she. 

PhiLLy-StyLe
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:54 PM
I know. I'm embarassed to be associated with so much drama. She's been my friend since preschool. We've been through a lot together and I'd feel awful just leaving her. I kinda blame myself too, if I would have supported her through her abortion, she may not have needed him to deal with it.... Even though she lied to him about it. Such a mess.

Quoting mom2twins9909:

Wow.. That is crazy, Kelly. If he is unpredictable then I suggest you stay away from both of them. I know it will upset you to stay away from her because you care about her, but you have to look out for your family to like you said.


She is off her rocker. You can't help a person that doesn't want out of the relationship. My mom was like that and kept going back to him everytime.


I am sorry I have no idea what to say. *hugs*

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My3LuVs83
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:55 PM
I'd cut contact with her.. As much as I love my bff if friendship with her puts my FAMILY in danger just because she refuses to leave this guy i cannot continue to be involved in any way.. I dont know why you havent called the cops when he was yelling outside her door.. Or when he yelled at you! I would call next time i hear fighting they dont have to know its you.. Then maybe they lock him up.
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My3LuVs83
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:57 PM
its kinda rediculous to blame yourself because you didnt support her abortion.

Quoting PhiLLy-StyLe:

I know. I'm embarassed to be associated with so much drama. She's been my friend since preschool. We've been through a lot together and I'd feel awful just leaving her. I kinda blame myself too, if I would have supported her through her abortion, she may not have needed him to deal with it.... Even though she lied to him about it. Such a mess.



Quoting mom2twins9909:

Wow.. That is crazy, Kelly. If he is unpredictable then I suggest you stay away from both of them. I know it will upset you to stay away from her because you care about her, but you have to look out for your family to like you said.



She is off her rocker. You can't help a person that doesn't want out of the relationship. My mom was like that and kept going back to him everytime.



I am sorry I have no idea what to say. *hugs*

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ZanderandBella
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:58 PM
Sorry, for the safety of my kids, I would end all contact with her while she is with that ass!
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