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I want to talk to PPD/Bipolar/Anxiety/Etc sufferers!

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:40 PM
  • 26 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Have you ever felt so out of control that even your logical mind see's what your doing and you want to stop but can't? Have you ever been on the brink and known you were wrong but not been able to stop??

Options:

Yes

Something similar but not exactly

No

Other...please explain.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 47

View Results

Ok most people probably know at this point I deal with PTSD. I also have 2 other anxiety disorders. I have been untreated for almost 4 years now. I feel like things are getting worse.

I'm not looking for help! I simply want to know if others have felt this way! 

I'll openly admit that I now have rage issues. I never had these before. I've always had a bit of a temper as a teen and I reformed it a bit as a early 20 something but as of the last 6 months its exploded into something more. Doesn't help that my husband is basically sick of my behavior and pushes me to the brink though. I just explode with rage to the point where yes I have gotten physical (never in front of my son!) and my husbands a really strong guy normally I can't even push him off balance but I've been able to shove him across a room and out the front door with EASE during one of my anger moments. All the while having a reasonable logical thoughts in my mind of "What the hell am I doing what is wrong with me STOP IT This isn't me" but whats coming out of my mouth and what my body is doing....I can't describe the completely uncontrolable feeling I have. Like I'm watching whats going on and seeing it and wanting to stop but I can't. I see what I'm doing and I'm trying to stop but its not me doing what I'm doing. I feel out of body. I feel like someone else has taken over my body. 

This happens when I get super depressed too. I just get so down and so sad and I just cry and cry for hours but my logical mind is thinking 'you have nothing to be this upset over why are you crying!' but again I feel like there's someone else in here trying to control my moves. Only when I'm ok when I'm normal and feeling logical and full control do I feel like a normal person. But I can switch in a heart beat and without any warning. (AGAIN never ever has it been directed towards my son I don't think that even my unreasonable side has the ability and I force myself to walk away when I feel that coming and I lock myself in my bathroom when I do) 

Am I alone???? 

I got into a massive fight today with some people on a forum (not CM) about how this guy was off his drugs for his mental illness he went at a cop with a knife and they shot and killed him. They later found out that it was because he was off his drugs because he couldn't afford them that he had basically just had a complete break and went off the deep end. I can understand that feeling. Others said "You shouldn't need drugs to control your behavior" and that it was an excuse.

I don't think its an excuse at all. I've been there!!! I think I understand at least some of what this guy was feeling! Have you ever felt so out of control that your screaming inside about what your doing is wrong but you can't get your behavior sorted out until the fire dies? Am I making any sense to anyone? I'm not looking for help...I know what I 'need' to do and what I can do and take. I want to know if anyone else has simply felt this way!! 

I'll make a poll for those who do not want to share.


PLEASE I beg of you no bashing!!! 

by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
osubucksbaby
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:41 PM
PM me mama, we can talk more.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rosemagic01
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:45 PM

I put a poll for those who want to just simply say yes or no. But I'm not really looking to talk about what I need to do or that I need help. This I know. I'm working on what I can do and I've started taking something natural because I can't get insurance and I can't afford to go to the doctor. I don't want to discuss this. But thank you!!! 

Quoting osubucksbaby:

PM me mama, we can talk more.


Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:47 PM

 yep. been there. even the physical- although not so much against someone else (if someone became physical with me, i got them back-- does that count? at times, i know its better to back off- logically speaking at least... but that thing takes over and its like a horror movie!)...

you definitely arent alone. i havent really found a way to "deal" with it- except control my mind/self when i'm able to and a very limited few know of my issues- not even my dad and i live with him! just my sister (she's beginning to go through it so she asked for my advice), my BF and one of an aquantince- only b/c she witnessed it. =( pretty sure DS has seen it too, but at this point, he might think its normal mommy behavior (yea, including the physical- when i beat the SHIT outta my steering wheel)

osubucksbaby
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:49 PM
Oh ok sorry, was just trying to help... good luck! :)

Quoting rosemagic01:

I put a poll for those who want to just simply say yes or no. But I'm not really looking to talk about what I need to do or that I need help. This I know. I'm working on what I can do and I've started taking something natural because I can't get insurance and I can't afford to go to the doctor. I don't want to discuss this. But thank you!!! 

Quoting osubucksbaby:

PM me mama, we can talk more.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ZanderandBella
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:49 PM

I haven't let myself get to that point. As soon as I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression, I imeediately started to find natural remedies for it. So I started taking Relax Now and it's controlled my depression, even somewhat cured it. I only have to take it every once in a while when things are tough.

But I can understand how some can lose their mind in a sense. It IS an excuse because some people need medication. I don't think it is their fault. I truly believe a lot of it has to do with medications that are pumped into our systems and environmental things or lack of vitamins even.

Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:49 PM

 lol can i add that the steering wheel fight was one of my most pathetic moments in life? it was over a birthday lunch! thats it! gah! i think thats when i truly realized i either needed help, or i was mentally insane. (i do wanna add that i'm 95% sure the steering wheel won that fight)

rosemagic01
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:50 PM

I've only gotten physical twice. But both in the last 2 months. I used to throw stuff/break stuff (again not with my son around I would go to another room) I hate it! I'm a very strong logical mind thinker. I hate that I lose that control. 

Quoting Shy_Dia:

 yep. been there. even the physical- although not so much against someone else (if someone became physical with me, i got them back-- does that count? at times, i know its better to back off- logically speaking at least... but that thing takes over and its like a horror movie!)...

you definitely arent alone. i havent really found a way to "deal" with it- except control my mind/self when i'm able to and a very limited few know of my issues- not even my dad and i live with him! just my sister (she's beginning to go through it so she asked for my advice), my BF and one of an aquantince- only b/c she witnessed it. =( pretty sure DS has seen it too, but at this point, he might think its normal mommy behavior (yea, including the physical- when i beat the SHIT outta my steering wheel)


AlyDezEli1422
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:52 PM
I have problems with rage, depression and cutting.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rosemagic01
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:53 PM

I appreciate it!!! I really do!! Please don't think otherwise. I've posted before and been given some alternatives to try out and I'm trying 2 right now but its the first time I've ever tried anything. I really do thank you though for wanting to help!!! 

Quoting osubucksbaby:

Oh ok sorry, was just trying to help... good luck! :)

Quoting rosemagic01:

I put a poll for those who want to just simply say yes or no. But I'm not really looking to talk about what I need to do or that I need help. This I know. I'm working on what I can do and I've started taking something natural because I can't get insurance and I can't afford to go to the doctor. I don't want to discuss this. But thank you!!! 

Quoting osubucksbaby:

PM me mama, we can talk more.



wilesmomma
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:57 PM
I have bipolar disorder, a panic disorder, an anxiety disorder and adhd. I have felt the exact same way you have. I am really fucked up in the head and am not medicated myself. I'm looking into natural remedies to help with some of it. But yes most of the time I'm having 3 different conversations in my head about what I should be doing instead of what I am doing.
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