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The death of my daughter ruined my marriage

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:39 PM
  • 53 Replies

 Its only been 3 weeks 6 days since my precious Carllylse passed away.  I know its not that long ago but it feels like forever ago. Everyone has seemed to forget about her, including her own father. He doesnt seem to understand my pain. He thinks Im being rediculous. We fight a lot more than we used to and a lot worse. WE got into a huge fight this morning b/c we were suppose to have portraits done w/ his so called family. I didnt want to go b/c his cousins wife is pregnant. She is 21 wks w/ a little girl. The same gestation I was when I started losing my daughter, Carllylse was 22 wks when she was born and lived 30 minutes. Dh wasnt there when she was born b/c he thought it was a false alarm so he didnt rush but he did see her alive for a few minutes. Anyway he is dealing just fine me not so much. I am so angry and I hate that I was being forced to go this "family portrait". I didnt want to hear all about her perfectly healthy pregnancy. Its not fucking fair! I did everything right, I should be having a healthy pregnancy too. Anyway b/c I am not doing so well Dh told me that he wants a divorce. He said he cant handle me like this. I dont understand why he thinks leaving me at the worst point in life is going to help anything. I need him more than ever. But when I do have  meltdown he doesnt want hear any of it. He says that Im so bitter and trying to find someone to blame and he cant handle it. I honestly dont know what it is that Im looking for and I dont know why im so angry. I do know that I cant control it and I do look like a nutcase. I feel like I am going crazy but my husband is not here to help me thru this. Instead he wants to abandon me altogether. He says Im dealing w/things all wrong. So how do I deal w/ things right? How do I save my marriage when I feel like Im losing myself?

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AHmom103
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:41 PM

 I'm so sorry, I wish I could help you!

mharleyghal
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:42 PM

i'm so sorry. 

Miss-B
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:43 PM

hugs


mommageek
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:45 PM
I think you need couples counseling. You may want to see someone by yourself as well. I'm sorry for your loss and hope it works out for you.
ambermario4ever
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:45 PM

BUMP!

LisaMarie27
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:46 PM
3 moms liked this
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. My suggestion is to pray, and pray a lot. Pray for peace, comfort, understanding. God has a plan for everyone. As bad as this is he's not done working with you. Marriage is forever. Better for worse and this has defiantly got to be the worst part of the for worse vow. You can't just skip out. I'm so sorry that your husband is not relating to you. Men are built different than we are. Their emotions are different. But he should still be sensitive to your needs. Biggest hugs for you.
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afwifeandmommy3
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs I'm so sorry. Marriage counciling and maybe grief counciling. I can't imagine your pain and watching your lil angel pass
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Christiansmom44
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I remember when this happened and I am so very sorry that things are getting this bad for you. I wish i had some kind of genius advice for you, but i don't. :( *hugs*
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MKSers
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:50 PM
You need to get into counsling. He doesnt have the answers to the loss of your baby. Neither will the counsler but they will help you cope and find happiness in life again.
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novachick
by Gold Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:50 PM
Oh my goodness hun, this made me cry. You are a mother who lost her child. I know I would completely fall apart and go crazy if I lost a baby. I can not even imagine your pain. You are dealing with it the only way you know how and he is awful to leave you right now. Death is hard on marriages and many break up after the death of a child because of differences in grieving. There is always so much blame as to who's grieving Wrong. You think your dh is being too ok with it and he thinks you've become consumed. This happens all the time. The woman mornes with her every being and a man pushes it away and everything associated with it. I would suggest counseling. I think at this point that is the only thing that may help. I am so so sorry for your loss. :-( I hope you guys can work through this, things like this should never happen.
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