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I hate this..(long...mostly venting)

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:53 PM
  • 3 Replies
Today sucks. Its gloomy outside, DS has been a beast, my apt is a mess and I have no motivation...then on top of all that, my mind decides that a little dose of depression would do me some good. So I thought I could get some things out here.

Back story: I left my ex (ds's dad) 2 months ago. He was abusive psychologically and a pro at it, and occasionally physically. Now he's acting like I'm breaking his heart by leaving him and that he's "trying so hard to change".
I hate that I hate you and want you at the same time. I hate that you think i'm hurting you when you hurt me continuously for over a year. Allllllll the constant broken promises, you cheating on me with your ex for six.months while I was pregnant with your child and sending her nude pictures in the living room while I was in the bedroom asleep with our child next to me. The constant addiction to anything not healthy: drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex (just not with me), porn, you name it. And in the end, you constantly telling me "if I ever beat the shit out of you i'll call the cops myself" after i'd threaten to have you arrested for hitting me while I was holding your child, after you threw me on the floor in a corner and spit on me repeatedly. How dare you have the nerve to be the one who's "broken", I should be the one breaking down and I am but I have bigger things to deal with: our son. You know, the one you helped create? The one you've seen for a grand total of two hours in the last month? The one you've never bought diapers, wipes, anything for? I don't get the luxury of breaking down, even though i'm the one who deserves to. And now you hired a lawyer to take me to court for custody? I'm 21, got pregnant on my 20th birthday, and I've put my big girl pants on because I love my son. You're 25 years old acting like you're some hot-shit 18 year old. Grow up, or don't, I don't care. But don't be a dad when you want to be. Either be an adult, or be a child, but be honest with yourself and me and your son. He deserves the best, and if you can't give that to him, accept it and move on and out of our lives.

Sorry it's so long, but I do feel a little better more. Ugh.
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by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:53 PM
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Replies (1-3):
xcassykayx
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:54 PM
*better now.
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brittany21921
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:57 PM

This is why women are the mommas.  This is why mommas are strong.  Hold your head up and good luck!  I hope it feels better getting it out. hugs

xcassykayx
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 9:12 PM
Thank you, and it does. Ughhh. Lol
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