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Update on my situation... Kinda long.

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:31 PM
  • 13 Replies
I'm going to try to make this short, and understandable. My brain has been all over the place this week and it has been a hard thing to process. 

Right now we are trying to understand this. Grieving is difficult, because the moment I feel sad for my son, I feel guilty because I still have 2 living children to take care of. I have my daughter Payten and my daughter Emmalynn who has yet to be born, and I have to hold it together for them. But at the same time, when I rejoice in any amount of good news about Emmalynn, I feel horribly guilty as if I am not honoring my son. I know that everything happens for a reason, and while I am having a hard time believing that and I can't see the reason, I am keeping my faith. I know that He has a reason, and I will see it, on His time. I am going to keep faith in Him that He get us through this. 

Ever since Monday, I have been in the hospital, and it has been a whirlwind of tests, procedures, and even doctors arguing about how to proceed with my care. As it turns out, this is a very rare circumstance, and my case is a completely unique one. We heard the opinions of many doctors on what to do and how to stop the labor, because we found on day 2 that while it was slow, it was progressing when we did nothing but complete bedrest. I was not even allowed to sit up to eat. The most I was able to get up was to go to the bathroom. 

We ended up having to make the decision about our care on our own, and I honestly feel like we made the best decision for us. The opinions of most were radicals of one end or the other. They had me on a medication that was slowing my labor and had nearly reversed all progress my cervix had made in 24 hours time. The opinion of one side was that I stay in the meds for 5 days, and then come off of them and see what happens. The opinion of the other side was to stop the medicine, and do a surgical procedure called a circloge (in pretty sure thats spelled wrong. But I don't known how to spell it right) to close my cervix and keep it closed. We talked it over, and decided the best route to go was somewhere in the middle. We had the surgical procedure, and continued on the meds for 5 days. Today, we stop medication and see what happens. Today is day 6. 

The surgery went perfectly. I was put under general anesthesia, which is very scary, but it was necessary. It's hard waking up. And I was groggy and exhausted for a whole day. 

Since the surgery, I had an ultrasound to measure the baby, and to measure my cervix, and so far it is not trying to open against my stitches. that is the best news we have had since Monday. It seems the surgery was a success.  I have continued on bedrest, but I am permitted to sit up, showering is now permitted, but minimal activity is a must. I cannot get up and walk around for more than a minute. I am more than willing to stay in bed and rest for my daughter's sake. But it makes dealing with the loss a little harder. 

The last few day I have had some generalized weakness and have been a little lethargic along with some dizzy spells and lightheadedness and I get shakey. They thought at first It was low blood sugar because the day of the surgery I was not allowed to eat before so I spent most of a day not eating. But my sugar was normal. So right now we are waiting for the results from some labs and we are currently talking with the doctor about a discharge to go home. They can't do anymore for me here then I can do for myself at home. 

At this point, we are still at the hospital, and we are just waiting and watching. Our emotional state is completely different moment to moment. We are doing the best we can and I am doing my best to feel better about all of it, but I feel guilty or even wanting to. This is going to hurt for awhile. 

I know I said I would make this short, but there is so much going on that short is hard to come by. I hope this was understandable
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama_pink_tink
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:36 PM
I hope all goes well and sending well wishes your way! May I ask.... What happened to ur son?
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TempestRayne
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:37 PM
I am glad your daughter is all right for now.
EmmaZate
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:38 PM
I will bump my other post. It's kindof long. Basically I was having twins and miscarried one before I even knew what was going on

Quoting mama_pink_tink:

I hope all goes well and sending well wishes your way! May I ask.... What happened to ur son?
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AmericanChild82
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:40 PM
We were going to name our daughter Emmalynn also. Praying for you all and praying that you make it full time.
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RockstarsMoM08
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:55 PM
You are honoring your son, its rough and though we may not understand it God's purpose and will for us will be what's best. Living, loving and continuing is honoring your son. Xoxo. Relax and remember that when it feels like all hope is lost and we should give up that God is working overtime and will carry us through.
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EmmaZate
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:34 AM
In case people don't remember the other post or can't find it: http://m.cafemom.com/groups/read_topic.php?group_id=266&topic_id=15459620

Quoting EmmaZate:

I will bump my other post. It's kindof long. Basically I was having twins and miscarried one before I even knew what was going on



Quoting mama_pink_tink:

I hope all goes well and sending well wishes your way! May I ask.... What happened to ur son?
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Kaylawv2
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:39 AM
Im so sorry, ill keep your family in my prayers.
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Duke311
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:44 AM
Glad to hear your doing better. I'm sorry for your loss. Keep us updated. :)
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XoXomommaXoXo
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:32 AM
So question, since you said your son Is inside you. Isn't that risky or dangerous?
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EmmaZate
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 4:06 AM
They said that its not, because he was the second in line and they were fraternal. He can't harm her, and there is a very minimal risk of infection

Quoting XoXomommaXoXo:

So question, since you said your son Is inside you. Isn't that risky or dangerous?
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