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Two options, wwyd

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:05 PM
  • 79 Replies
I am going to put you in a scenario and ask you what you would do and what you would say to your SO.

You have been with your SO for two years. You have a nine month old son, who was an unplanned baby. So from the start you guys were not financially set. Your SO is horrible with money and never budgets his paycheck or follows budgets you set up for him. You are a SAHM and can't afford childcare to work, and your SO working funky non-set hours doesnt make finding a job for yourself any easier. Your SO only works part time and doesnt make enough money to cover rent. He can cover most of it, but not all. He is looking for better work but it seems he isnt giving it his all. You all are on foodstamps, the highest amount. He likes to treat himself to little things here and there. Nothing too expensive, but little things do add up. You are frustrated. You do love him. He is a great father, helps out with yalls son when asked or not. He just isnt a good provider.

Would you take your ds and leave, or would you stay?

And whichever you choose, if you wanted to say something to your SO, what would you say?
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by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mollymae09
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd get a job...
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GumDropDiva
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:09 PM
I'd move out. I think part of being a good dad is being a good provider... Singes not really a good dad.
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kjbennett26
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:10 PM
I would give him 2 months to get a job so he could provide for his family or I would leave so I could provide what my child needed.
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Gealach
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:11 PM
Yep.
Dss has a program to help you pay for childcare.


Quoting mollymae09:

I'd get a job...
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rosemagic01
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I went through this. Although  my husbands obsessive about working he's never worked less than full time but he does like to spend. I had a discussion about how we need to save for the things we want and we need to put bills first. (gas and food are bills) I wrote out a budget and showed him how much per month we needed to live and how much we needed to get buy and that anything AFTER that could either be saved or used. It helped a lot. We have a joint account and he has a debit but he can't buy anything that costs more than $5 without checking in with me and I check the account every 2 days. If we get to $50 I cut him off. There's no buying anything if the account hits $50. You never know when you might need that for gas or food or something.  My husband completely agree's with the system. 

Unfortunately if he doesn't want to agree with the system and doesn't want to change his behaviors then yeah then there is cause for leaving. But only you can really decide that truly. You know the whole story.

Bren07
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:12 PM
2 moms liked this

 i would talk to him and get a job for myself and find a friend or family to watch my kid for free or for little cost..leaving just because he "isnt a good provider" is crap because u are a parent too and its a partnership to have a family. it doesnt fall all on him.

MrsCrutcher88
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:13 PM
1 mom liked this
I would stay!!!! You love him and he's the father of your child... Things will look up... He'll be able to provide for the family one day..

You should take charge of the finances. Because that's what I do. I'm a SAHM but paying bills and budgeting all the finances is my job.. Let him get a few things he like per month because he worked hard for it.. Even if it is just part time..
Also trying helping him find jobs.. Apply online for him..
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Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I would take the baby and go to my mom's. She would watch the baby so I could get a job, and save up money for my own place.  I think it is incredibly immature to dick around with finding a better job while spending money that should be going toward rent and bills. I would explain to my SO that until he decides to grow up, I'll be the adult and provide for my child. I know it sounds harsh, but imo the child comes first.

Alexis Emma 10-13-1999 - 12 years old
Kirsten Leslie 03-14-2004 - 7 1/2 years old
Sarah Mackenzie 08-14-2007 - 4 years old
Chloe Madison & Harmon David due 04-15-2012

MrsCrutcher88
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Also, leaving him isn't going to make the finances any better in your household..
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ffpm10
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:14 PM
2 moms liked this
Get a job.
Quit making excuses
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