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Conflicted

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:36 PM
  • 30 Replies

I'm 25 years old and have been married for three years. I have a two year old son and I thought I had an okay relationship with my husband...until about a month ago.

See, we have had some major issues in the past but I thought we had moved past them until my hubby started a very awkward conversation. Out of nowhere, he started talking about our Exs. See, we are both very good friends of an ex (I'm friends with mine, him with his, you understand?) but it's just friendship. Well, I was getting ready to take a trip to my old town to visit old friends and my ex was going to come into town to catch me while I was there because we live over 2000 miles apart and don't get to see eachother.

So anyway, he starts in about how sometimes when exs get together, a moment can turn into something else and how he wouldn't consider it cheating if it didn't go very far and the person confessed it and didn't themselves into that position again. I took that to mean he thought I was going to cheat on him when I went back there. So, sensing maybe he wasn't exactly comfortable with me seeing my ex, I told him I was planning on meeting him at my old coffee hangout (a place I never went WITH him when we were dating) and it would be mid afternoon and I would call him when I got back to my friend's house. He responded with "Oh, well I wasn't saying I minded if you spent a couple hours with him or anything. I'm just saying if you might have feelings for him still or something, you should explore that so we dont waste time trying to work on our relationship if you want him."

So, how do I take that? I mean, it seems to ME that he's trying to get me to cheat on me so he has a way out of this relationship. Maybe he's overwhelmed with being a husband and father...or maybe he just didn't really want this life afterall. I don't know what to think or how to respond to that. I cancelled all my plans because I couldn't go and face my friend (ex) with my own husband's words in my head because he made me start thinking "Well, maybe he said that because I'm exhibiting some sign that I still have feelings for this guy?" and that has me questioning myself and everything now.

So what do I do?

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cLanief
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I would think he was telling you something and I dont mean about you. He may want to end it but he doesn't want to.. He wants you to.
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JMKristy
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:41 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm sorry, I just don't think having friendships with ex's is ever a good idea. I think it was smart of you to cancel your plans, especially if your wanting to make your marriage work.
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BrownEyedGirl86
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:41 PM

 It kind of sounds like he may have wanted to get a read of how you felt about it bc something happened with him and his ex and was giving you the ok if you thought it was acceptable then was going to tell you about him???

that is where my first thought went..

GirlWSlingshot
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:46 PM
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It sounds like he's giving you an out. This is your chance to tell him in no uncertain terms that you are fully committed to your marriage and to him. It's time to level with him and tell him how much he means to you. Cancel the coffee date with the ex and make sure you make it sound as if it isn't a sacrifice you blame him for, but a good faith gesture to show that you have no interest in rekindling old flames.

It sounds as if you're at a turning point in your marriage.

RandiBear
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:47 PM

I want to clarify that my ex and I haven't been together for almost 11 years now. We weren't friends for 2 years after we broke up and then started talking again and just became friends again over that first year of talking. That was like 9 years ago. There has never been flirting, talking about the old times except stuff from when we were friends BEFORE we dated, and as I said...he is 2000 miles away. It's a long distance friendship.

I was thinking maybe he either HAS done something or wants to do something...whether with somebody he knows, or maybe he wants to meet somebody and have that opening? I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable to not know what's going on in his head with this stuff.

RandiBear
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this

That's what I did by canceling my plans altogether. I don't know if it was just the idea of me flying out to see old friends from a place where he was not involved in my life...or if it was JUST the idea of me seeing my ex. So, I just canceled the whole trip until I can figure things out with him.

aidyns_mommy
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:50 PM
Same. def sounds like something happened on his part


Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

 It kind of sounds like he may have wanted to get a read of how you felt about it bc something happened with him and his ex and was giving you the ok if you thought it was acceptable then was going to tell you about him???

that is where my first thought went..


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Delila12
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:50 PM
Yeah. It sort of sounds like he did something with his ex, or planning on it, but doesnt want to feel, or look guilty by talking you into doing it with your ex. Ask him if there's something he wants to tell you.
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RandiBear
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:57 PM

Thank you everyone. I think it's time for a talk. I'm going to try to get a babysitter so we can sit down and have a serious heart to heart without the baby there. Should it be in our house or a place more impersonal and neutral?

MamaHome
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:36 PM

This is how I would take it. I would reaffirm the crap out of him, and tell him I love him.


Also....I would ask if something happened on his end. Just to be sure......

Quoting GirlWSlingshot:

It sounds like he's giving you an out. This is your chance to tell him in no uncertain terms that you are fully committed to your marriage and to him. It's time to level with him and tell him how much he means to you. Cancel the coffee date with the ex and make sure you make it sound as if it isn't a sacrifice you blame him for, but a good faith gesture to show that you have no interest in rekindling old flames.

It sounds as if you're at a turning point in your marriage.


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