i need advice *DH related* i just found her on his FB* He didn't even have the nerve to tell me in person *another update* shopping today*update*

[eryn.stocks]

I have this bad feeling that my husband is cheating on me, he is always texting this girl that he works with at first i didn't mind it but its now to the point that if i ask him who he is talking to he lies to me even though i know who he is talking to, and if we are cuddling on the couch and she texts him he gets up and walks away to read the text and text her back or he hides his phone. i have wanted to get his phone while he is asleep and look through it but i just haven't yet. And i have met her before but when i met her it was at walmart and she walked up to DH and was flirting with him right in front of me, then looked at me and our kids and say "oh you weren't kidding you do have kids" then gave me the worst "eat shit and die" look i think i've ever been given. and this might be a little TMI but DH and i have a bunch of "toys" and i went to put some our new toy in with the rest and there were a few missing that i know he loves to use. i looked everywhere and i can't find them we hadn't used them in a few days so they should be in my nightstand. 

I have brought this up with DH before and he sits there and defends her to no end, and says that i'm being too sensitive about it. 

i guess i'm just looking for advice or something to help me

He just got home and when he walked into our room the only thing he said to me was "i thought you were going to be asleep when i got home" then when i asked him about the toys he just said "hmm did you look for them" i told him i did i looked everywhere (because one of them is glass and we have a 20 month old who likes to break stuff) 

well when i woke up this morning DH was still asleep with his phone under his pillow and the toys were back in my nightstand. i didn't really get a chance to ask him anything because he slept until he had about an hour til he had to be at work then he got up took a shower and then left, so i just don't know what to do now

Ok so i asked him about everything and he told me i was over reacting and that he found the toys in the living room in a pile of our son's toys and so he put them back in my nightstand, and he said that i don't need to worry about anything they are just friends. so i asked him why he hides his phone when he texts her and he said its because they talk about work stuff that is embarrassing and he doesn't want me reading it.then when i asked him why he erased all his texts and calls he said cuz his phone was freaking out and so he erased all his texts and calls so it would work better

i just got online to see how many texts he has been sending and who he has been talking to ( i haven't figured out how to read the messages yet)  and he told me that he can't text while he is at work unless he is on lunch or on break and he has been texting that same freaking bitch all damn day and he was texting her all freaking night too i asked him to stop talking to her a few days ago and he doesn't fucking listen to me!!!!! i'm going to give him an ultimatum tonight either stop talking to her or i'm leaving and taking the kids i can't believe him he is such an ass i i'm just so pissed its hard to type!!!!! oh and when i told DH that i looked through all of DS's toys and our toys weren't in there so he said well one of them were the other one was in the recliner (DO YOU REALLY THINK I DIDN'T LOOK THERE WTF) so i just dropped it, i'm looking through his phone tonight since i know that he has been texting her tonight

i figured out his PW and he is like 3 years younger than i am and DH is 2 years older than me WTF, there are no PM's to or from her on there and nothing on his wall or anything so idk

After all this i get a text just about an hour ago from DH (he is at work) saying  "babe, i have to tell you something that i haven't had the courage to tell you in person, i have been thinking about this since before i met J***** (the name of the chick i thought he was cheating with) i want to try a separation, and yes i like J***** i have tried to get a spark back with you but it hasn't worked. i don't want to talk to you on the phone yet because i'm really emotional today and i don't want to cry at work"  i couldn't say anything to him i was just in shock i guess so i called one of my friends that lives sorta close and asked her if i could bring the kids and stay there for a few days til i get everything worked out but i can't go tonight because A: the car seat is in DH's car and B: there is no car here because DH sold my car today to this girl he works with and her boyfriend and my friend can't come get me because sh has a baby and not enough room in her car for 3 car seats and me and her and there is no one there to watch her baby. 

and then about 30 min ago DH calls me telling me that he is so sorry and that he loves me and loves our family too much to leave us and that he will stop talking to J***** tonight and that he was minuplated into thinking that she was better for him than me and our kids were and that she was telling him that she wanted to be with him and that he should leave me and the kids, AND HE FUCKING AGREED WITH HER!!!!! but now he wants to work everything out and i just don't know if i can trust him anymore to be honest i want to shoot him right now but i would never do that for the sake of my kids

Well last night when he got home i told him to give me his phone so i could read the texts and he handed it right to me and i read them and i got so mad i threw his phone at him (a few times) because in one of the texts he sent me before he got home it said "if you really want to know we didn't do anything other than talk and hug" and when i read the texts on his phone he was planning on waiting til i fell asleep last night and he was going to leave and go over to her house to see her. she asked why and he told her because i had only given him til this morning to decide if he wanted to be with me or her. she asked what they were going to do and he said "i just want to be able to hold you and kiss you and see if i feel anything" (this is what really got me) she said "well what did you feel the first time we kissed" (at this point i threw his phone at him) i yelled at him for a little bit because of the fact that even when he was coming clean about everything he lied to me and now he is sleeping on the couch until further notice and every night when he comes home he has to give me his phone until he leaves for work the next day any texts he gets i read first then i read the response before he sends it (yes i know this sounds a little over the top but i can't trust him anymore and he is trying to earn it back) we are trying to work everything out and he has deleted her number from his phone and from his facebook and blocked her. he just called me and i guess he ran into her while he was working and she tried to talk to him but he said he just ignored her, but idk if i trust him just yet

Well today i needed to do a little shopping so i asked DH if he would come with (two small children are had to take shopping alone) so we went to walmart to go shopping and just as we were pulling in guess who pulled in right behind us, yeah u guessed it the same bitch DH was going to leave me for. so we got the boys out of the car and made it into the store and started our shopping while making an effort to avoid where she was (we did a damn good job of it too) then when we went to check out we picked a line and then while DH was checking out DS1 and i went to the drinking fountain to get some water and we passed her i didn't look at her i just kept walking, got to the water fountain  got a drink then started to head back to Dh and she made an effort to make sure i saw her glare at me then she had the nerve to try and come over and talk to DH and i but luckly someone stopped her long enough for us to finish checking out and leave

Well things have been going a little better, he has been doing everything possible to avoid her, we drive the extra 30 miles to the other walmart to go shopping, he has been making a lot of effort to make sure he doesn't have a break at the same time as her and he calls me on all of his breaks and talks to me the whole time. so he is doing good and he is slowly earning my trust back, he is still sleeping on the couch until further notice but we are getting there, Thank you to everyone who has giving me support and let me vent to them i will still keep updating this post until we have completely worked everything out.

[lilangel_4206]

get ur butt up and investigate

[mscooper23]

Look through the phone

[Hutersmom]

Check his phone, fb and email. I hope that u get the answer your looking for

[eryn.stocks]

i need to but now his work schedule has changed so now he is working  from 4pm to 12 and it is 1 am right now and he still isn't home

Quoting lilangel_4206:

get ur butt up and investigate

[lulu_tattoos]

I don't believe in invading someone's privacy. Ask to see his phone and if he can't let you, you know something is wrong.

[JeneneRose]

Have you asked your dh about the toys, where they are. Even if hes not physicaly cheating on you it does kinda sound like he might be emotionally cheating. Yes Im one of those girl that feel that emotional cheating is real and is just as painful as physically cheating. Try to talk to him and let him know that it emotionaly hurts you. So that he dont get all defensive about the situation try to not bash on the co-worker right away. Let him know that you feel this way and have the conversation lean more towards you and him instead of her and him.
example Like say I feel this way _____. and I dont like that you txt ppl and wont let me see them. It dont matter who it is we are married and shouldnt have secrets or txts that each other cant see.
If hes not doing anything wrong then he shouldnt be acting that way and if you have brought it up to him before and he defends her throught out there "what about me"

[eryn.stocks]

he doesn't use FB very much and he keeps changing his e-mail password

Quoting Hutersmom:

Check his phone, fb and email. I hope that u get the answer your looking for

[eryn.stocks]

i agree and that is why i still haven't looked through his phone 

Quoting lulu_tattoos:

I don't believe in invading someone's privacy. Ask to see his phone and if he can't let you, you know something is wrong.

[rnmom4lif]

yeah id defaintly be investigating and talk with him. personally if my DH wants to talk to a girl whose just a friend im ok with that i dont get that defensive but he should certainly be able to talk with her in FRONT of me, if he cant then something is seriously wrong.

[lulu_tattoos]

That means you have more backbone than a lot of people lol.
Honestly, it sounds like you already know what's going on. I really think you should ask for his phone, and ask for explanations. Lay all the facts out there to him and watch him squirm to try to come up with some plausible explanation.
Orrrrrr tell him you went through his phone without actually going through it. See what happens... You may or may not get a confession out of it. (I'm iffy on this one too though)