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Pretty sure this will get me bashed on

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but my 15yo SS drives me FREAKING insane! He has become so disrespecful and mean. There are times I really can't stand him and wish he would go back to his moms. He is teaching my 4 yo twins to act the same. They are starting to talk back and swear. When I ask them where they learn those words from they say their big brother. He is also teaching them to be mean to my DD. He is so mean to her and calls her names so now they do it too. 

We have also cought him stealing from his dad and I. I feel like I have to put locks on my fridge because he will take food that is just for his dad and I (we have certant treats we buy for ourselves because we can't eat what we buy them). I will get something that is for the whole family to share and it will dispear and the wrappers will end up in his room. Just the other night (I was at work and his dad was at school) He made one of those big enchalada dinners that feeds a family and ate half of it himself! The worst part is he didn't even dish anything up for his little brothers and we have always told the older kids the babies eat first.

He has pulled pellet guns and knives on his younger brothers and sisters, so I am scared for them. Sometimes it frightens me to leave them a lone with him. 

He is failing all his classes in school. No matter how much I check on his grades and go over missing assignments and ask him if he needs help he just slacks off. We try to talk to him about how important school is and how hard it is to try and make up for it later but he just doesn't care.

I'm pregnant so I'm way more bitchy then normal. I am just tired of trying any more. I want to just give up and send him back to his moms so I don't have to deal with his bad attitued.

His dad doesn't want to do anything about it leagle wise because he doesn't want his son to get into any type of system. We are starting him on counciling the 2nd but I'm worried it wont help.

Anyone else feel this way about SKs? I have a SD (btw) who I used to not get a long with but is a peach now. Sadly she is going to live with her mom after school is over. I deff will miss her. Her mom just moved to WA but wanted the kids to finish out school.

Well vent over....

 BabyFruit Ticker
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:41 PM
Replies (41-50):
Mrs_Szontagh
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:33 PM

he's had a hectic few yrs, just stay strong- show him you still love him. ask if he wants to go to a movie this weekend? try to spend some one on one time with him =)

Quoting ooCherryo0:

His dad and I have been together for over 5 years. SS and I used to have a great relationship. I would take him to movies that he and I liked all the time because DH didn't like them. We talked all the time and I would always take him everywhere with me. It has just changed I would say within the last two years. He doesn't want to do anything with me any more. The only thing I can think that has changed in those two years is his bio mom and step dad got divorced and bio moved in with her boyfriend. DH and I also split up for about 4 months two summers ago. His grandma also passed away almost 3 years go so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. They were really close. 

Quoting Mrs_Szontagh:

being a step child is hard =( he probably doesn't feel like he fits in with his dad's 'new family'-- not that you have done anything to make him feel this way, that's just how it happens! try taking him out to do something just with him every once in a while- something he wants to do. and use that time to talk to him about how you're feeling in a way that won't make him feel bad- i know it's nearly impossible... but voice how you want him to feel a part of your family but there are rules that apply to every family. ask him if he's happy. just TALK to him.. maybe even some family therapy? good luck momma!! 



VictoriousTory
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:36 PM

To me it sounds like he is kinda lost and maybe depressed. Im sure moving in with your dad was hard on him... He doesn't know where he fits in you know? I had some serious shit go on in my life when I was 15 and I didn't know how to deal with my emotions or how to handle them at all. Sounds like he has misplaced anger and the LOs are getting caught in the middle. I am glad you are getting him counceling!! it seems like he needs it. Like another post said maybe he needs to feel more connected with his dad! I think his dad should make a point to take him out someplace he wants to go.... go shoot some stuff in the woods or something! And maybe you should think about trying to do stuff with him too. Even if he huffs and puffs and acts like its a big pain in the ass he will know you care. I wouldn't get too hung up over the food either. 15 year old boys eat... everything.... and still get a double cheeseburger from mcdonalds afterwards I know your hormones are going crazy and all... but if you put those kinda rules on him he may precieve them as ludacris or unfair and resent you for it... I dunno I am just trying to help!! I hope everything works out for you momma! 

ooCherryo0
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:37 PM

That is why I want to get him help. I don't think bio mom would be able to handle it. She is an awesome mom but he is a tough kid and I think he needs his dad.

When I don't have to work I sit with all the kids while they do their homework. But there isn't much I can do when I work and DH goes to school. I tell all my kids homework and chores need to be done before TV or play. 

Quoting JerseyAirGurl:

Your SS sounds like he is deeply distrubed. Counseling sounds like your best option. Shipping him to his bio mother may just inspire abandonment issues... and reeniforce the idea that he is bad. Changing scenery doesn't change the person. Also if he is failing school because he isnt doing hw..... I would wonder what the parent is letting him do with all his free time.


 BabyFruit Ticker
ooCherryo0
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:50 PM

We don't live with my dad, did you mean me moving in with his? I know that isn't the case. When DH and I moved intogether we didn't have SS live with us. He didn't move in with us untill we bought our house and even then we didn't have problems... The problems just started maybe about two years or less ago. I can't pin point that exact time. I'm trying to think back. Maybe it was in the middle of 8th grade and he is now just finishing 9th.... But I know it's not because his dad and I got together (that was SD but we get along great now). 

He used to go out with his dad all the time too. His dad would take him out on Harley rides... That stopped because he was told he needed to bring his grades up. 

We try to spend tile with all the kids alone. Just Monday I picked SD up from school early and took her to lunch. My DD I took her to a beauty school to get our hair done and the twins I took them out to breakfast. SS doesn't want to do things any more. He just likes to sit in his room with the dog. 

I do think he is depressed. I suffered from that as a teen and still do sometimes. I know getting him help is the best option.

I just started this post because I am pregnant and feel really bitchy and needed to vent :)

Quoting VictoriousTory:

To me it sounds like he is kinda lost and maybe depressed. Im sure moving in with your dad was hard on him... He doesn't know where he fits in you know? I had some serious shit go on in my life when I was 15 and I didn't know how to deal with my emotions or how to handle them at all. Sounds like he has misplaced anger and the LOs are getting caught in the middle. I am glad you are getting him counceling!! it seems like he needs it. Like another post said maybe he needs to feel more connected with his dad! I think his dad should make a point to take him out someplace he wants to go.... go shoot some stuff in the woods or something! And maybe you should think about trying to do stuff with him too. Even if he huffs and puffs and acts like its a big pain in the ass he will know you care. I wouldn't get too hung up over the food either. 15 year old boys eat... everything.... and still get a double cheeseburger from mcdonalds afterwards I know your hormones are going crazy and all... but if you put those kinda rules on him he may precieve them as ludacris or unfair and resent you for it... I dunno I am just trying to help!! I hope everything works out for you momma! 


 BabyFruit Ticker
LML1
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:50 PM

Have you tried grounding him or taking away material things (gaming system, tv, computer etc...) ? I hope counseling helps out. Since you're stressed out too if may help you to go to therapy also. It may help your relationship with your SS and help you handle stress w/ every day situations.

ooCherryo0
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:55 PM

Yup, his room is bare. All he has in there is his bed, dresser, lamp, alarm clock, and what ever book he is reading that week. 

Yea, both his dad and I are going to therapy with him. 

It's just fustrating because I know what a GREAT kid he is. He is very loveing and always wanting hugs and to talk. I always listen to him (and he can talk and talk and talk lol).

Quoting LML1:

Have you tried grounding him or taking away material things (gaming system, tv, computer etc...) ? I hope counseling helps out. Since you're stressed out too if may help you to go to therapy also. It may help your relationship with your SS and help you handle stress w/ every day situations.


 BabyFruit Ticker
TempestRayne
by Donna on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:58 PM
Quoting Gealach:

I hope the counseling helps :(


usmcwife.mommy2
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 2:02 PM

no bashing from me.

just hugs!

hope things works out soon!!!!!!!!!!hugs

Love always,
usmcwife.mommy2
ooCherryo0
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 2:06 PM

Thanks to all the moms that have wished me luck. I have been caught up on trying to explain other actions I haven't thank the ones that are concerned about what SS is going through. 

I really hope the conceling helps too... 

(at least no one has bashed my spelling or grammer ;-) lol)

firespurity
by Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 2:21 PM

I think you should take him to get drug tested. Just to be sure it isn't an issue. A friend of my moms suggested that every parent should do that when there is a sudden change in a teenagers behavior. His behavior seems to go way beyond what has gone on in his life. Violent outburst towards small children should be a red flag that something is terribly wrong. Is he being subjected to bullying at school? 

For such an extreme change of pace I would think something has happened to him you may not know about. Maybe he was bullied. Maybe someone convinced him to try drugs of some sort? It's hard to know. You are doing the right thing by taking him to counseling. Also if he is bullying his sister, do you best to reassure her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that it isn't okay. 

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