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Will I have to hear about this for the rest of my life?!

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Hi Ladies,

Here is a little back info. My bio dad wasn't in my life the way he should have been. He moved to Indiana when I was 9 and I heard from him on my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. When he came back to Denver to visit, he did get me and my half siblings together to go the movies and stuff but I still feel that is less than a part time dad an unacceptable. I do still resent him for leaving me with my drug using and abusive evil mom so he can drink and party all the time. We didn't talk for years, we are now on speaking terms. We talk every few months.

Well, my step dad, well not really, he didn't marry my mom just common law. Anyway, my step dad means the world to me and is a big part of the reason I am the woman I am today. My step dad will be walking me down the aisle when I get married because he has always been there for me and didn't abandon us when my mom left him and got back with a man who beats her ass everyday and got her started using drugs.

My bio dad has always wanted a son and has all girls. My son is his first grand son and when I found out I was being blessed with a son that I have been praying for, for years, he had the balls to ask me if I would give my son his middle name Lydell! I felt he didn't deserve that because he wasn't there and just told him we went with something else. I am tempted to tell him the reason we went with something else just so he will stop mentioning it every single time we talk!

I asked my step dad if I could give my son his name, his last name is Carter but I wanted my kid or kids name to all start with a K like mine. He was very happy and I told him how much I love and appreciate him so he said of course! I said with a K, he said that's ok and was still sooo happy.

So, my son's name is Karter Chance. His middle name is chance because my miscarriage 6. Years ago was the most devastating event of my life and I feel God is giving me a second chance to be the best mom I can be!

I talked to my bio dad today and he is still like you should have named him Lydell. What would you do?

Would you continue to ignore him? Tell him why you didn't use his name and hurt his feelings and hope it's never brought up again? Tell him why we chose Karter and where it came from? Or something else?

He doesn't know where we came up with Karter and doesn't know I still talk to my step dad. It is not a secret or anything, just not something we talk about the very few times we do talk. Sorry it's so long, just tried to include some relevent info to help you all better understand my situation. Thanks so much for your help. I am so tired of hearing about this and my son is only 3 weeks and 2 days old today. I will post a pic in replies since I am mobile.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:07 AM
Replies (81-87):
misslady80013
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:33 PM
I didn't know that about that hospital, lol. Yep, my SOs parents are still together and he's the baby with 4 older brothers. I have mom issues too! She didn't do her job so I raised myself and my siblings, oldest of my mom's five, while she smoked her crack in her room. While classmates were hanging out and playing outside, I was changing diapers, fixing bottles, etc. I feel she robbed me of my childhood. We were put into foster care and split up before so I did what I had to do to keep us together. Lol! I understand, if you aren't in aa certain area much it feels like that. I feel so lost in Colorado Springs, lol.

Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I wad born in Chicago, moved here when I was 9. Got here as fast as I could!! My dd was born at Denver General and I got so much crap for that cause it's known as the druggies hospital but they redid the whole maternity Ward and it was sooooooo nice!

I can't talk to my SO much about my dad cause he likes him and he's from a whole other world. Both of his parents are still together, mom stayed home and raised the family while dad worked. As much as he tries, he just doesn't get it.

Aurora feels like another planet to me!! LOL I get lost everytime I'm near that side of town haha






Quoting misslady80013:

Cool! Were you born here? I was at Denver General. I hope things get better. It is really hard for others, like my SO to understand that it's not so easy to just get over. I wish more men would take the time to think about the choices they make and consider how it will affect their children. Well, women too! I am in Aurora near Iliff and Buckley. Right down the street from the base.





Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I'm not either, I'm dealing with a whole separate issue with my dad and it SUCKS.



I live in north Denver, by Sloan's Lake








Quoting misslady80013:

Sure we can! LOL. Where do you live? Yes, they truly do. I am working on letting go of all the hurt and resentment but I am a honest human and can say I am just not there yet right now.









Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You live in Denver AND have dad issues?!











Can we be besties?!?! Lol











I had a similar issue. I gave my dd my step dad's middle name. His middle name is Lee, I gave her Leah. For a while my dad tried to turn her middle name into something that fit his family. So he'd say Leah like for Lois or Leroy (his parents names) and I corrected him the first few times and eventually let it go. Sorry mama. Daddy issues suck.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KenzieQsMommy
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this
You are nothing short of a miracle coming out of that with a decent head on your shoulders!
My dad left us when I was 3. He preferred cocaine and drinking so away he went. We had limited contact for years. He rarely remembered birthdays or anything. He got sober when I was 13 but the damage was done. I tried when I was 17 to let him on and we've been on speaking.g terms since. Honestly, some days I regret letting him in my life. He causes a lot of hurt and thinks he was Mr mom. He's delusional.
My sister lives in Aurora, near Quincy and Parker, I think. Its just so twisty and turny in thar area! Streets turn into other streesmts and I get lost fast. Though I'm notoriously bad with directions, so that could be it! Lol


Quoting misslady80013:

I didn't know that about that hospital, lol. Yep, my SOs parents are still together and he's the baby with 4 older brothers. I have mom issues too! She didn't do her job so I raised myself and my siblings, oldest of my mom's five, while she smoked her crack in her room. While classmates were hanging out and playing outside, I was changing diapers, fixing bottles, etc. I feel she robbed me of my childhood. We were put into foster care and split up before so I did what I had to do to keep us together. Lol! I understand, if you aren't in aa certain area much it feels like that. I feel so lost in Colorado Springs, lol.



Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I wad born in Chicago, moved here when I was 9. Got here as fast as I could!! My dd was born at Denver General and I got so much crap for that cause it's known as the druggies hospital but they redid the whole maternity Ward and it was sooooooo nice!


I can't talk to my SO much about my dad cause he likes him and he's from a whole other world. Both of his parents are still together, mom stayed home and raised the family while dad worked. As much as he tries, he just doesn't get it.


Aurora feels like another planet to me!! LOL I get lost everytime I'm near that side of town haha









Quoting misslady80013:

Cool! Were you born here? I was at Denver General. I hope things get better. It is really hard for others, like my SO to understand that it's not so easy to just get over. I wish more men would take the time to think about the choices they make and consider how it will affect their children. Well, women too! I am in Aurora near Iliff and Buckley. Right down the street from the base.







Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I'm not either, I'm dealing with a whole separate issue with my dad and it SUCKS.




I live in north Denver, by Sloan's Lake










Quoting misslady80013:

Sure we can! LOL. Where do you live? Yes, they truly do. I am working on letting go of all the hurt and resentment but I am a honest human and can say I am just not there yet right now.











Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You live in Denver AND have dad issues?!













Can we be besties?!?! Lol













I had a similar issue. I gave my dd my step dad's middle name. His middle name is Lee, I gave her Leah. For a while my dad tried to turn her middle name into something that fit his family. So he'd say Leah like for Lois or Leroy (his parents names) and I corrected him the first few times and eventually let it go. Sorry mama. Daddy issues suck.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks so much! ;-) Wow! I am very sorry! My mom is delusional too! She thinks she was the perfect mom and never did anything wrong and I am the devil according to her. The family tells her they saw me doing everything and she still won't admit she was wrong. She even tied me up naked and beat me with an extension cord because she thought I was lying. I honestly wasn't she was high and paranoid. I have to look at these scars everyday and it pisses me off all over again. Even if I don't think about it for a while, I have to shower and change. You know what I mean? She also locked herself in the bathroom and let me get raped. She told me if I went to the police, she would tell them I wanted it. Who does that?! I have been regularly seeing a therapist for 7 years now. I decided to start going at 18 because I knew my childhood wasn't normal and I needed help to move past all that and break the cycle. I am gonna send you a friend request! :-)

Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You are nothing short of a miracle coming out of that with a decent head on your shoulders!

My dad left us when I was 3. He preferred cocaine and drinking so away he went. We had limited contact for years. He rarely remembered birthdays or anything. He got sober when I was 13 but the damage was done. I tried when I was 17 to let him on and we've been on speaking.g terms since. Honestly, some days I regret letting him in my life. He causes a lot of hurt and thinks he was Mr mom. He's delusional.

My sister lives in Aurora, near Quincy and Parker, I think. Its just so twisty and turny in thar area! Streets turn into other streesmts and I get lost fast. Though I'm notoriously bad with directions, so that could be it! Lol




Quoting misslady80013:

I didn't know that about that hospital, lol. Yep, my SOs parents are still together and he's the baby with 4 older brothers. I have mom issues too! She didn't do her job so I raised myself and my siblings, oldest of my mom's five, while she smoked her crack in her room. While classmates were hanging out and playing outside, I was changing diapers, fixing bottles, etc. I feel she robbed me of my childhood. We were put into foster care and split up before so I did what I had to do to keep us together. Lol! I understand, if you aren't in aa certain area much it feels like that. I feel so lost in Colorado Springs, lol.





Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I wad born in Chicago, moved here when I was 9. Got here as fast as I could!! My dd was born at Denver General and I got so much crap for that cause it's known as the druggies hospital but they redid the whole maternity Ward and it was sooooooo nice!



I can't talk to my SO much about my dad cause he likes him and he's from a whole other world. Both of his parents are still together, mom stayed home and raised the family while dad worked. As much as he tries, he just doesn't get it.



Aurora feels like another planet to me!! LOL I get lost everytime I'm near that side of town haha












Quoting misslady80013:

Cool! Were you born here? I was at Denver General. I hope things get better. It is really hard for others, like my SO to understand that it's not so easy to just get over. I wish more men would take the time to think about the choices they make and consider how it will affect their children. Well, women too! I am in Aurora near Iliff and Buckley. Right down the street from the base.









Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I'm not either, I'm dealing with a whole separate issue with my dad and it SUCKS.





I live in north Denver, by Sloan's Lake












Quoting misslady80013:

Sure we can! LOL. Where do you live? Yes, they truly do. I am working on letting go of all the hurt and resentment but I am a honest human and can say I am just not there yet right now.













Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You live in Denver AND have dad issues?!















Can we be besties?!?! Lol















I had a similar issue. I gave my dd my step dad's middle name. His middle name is Lee, I gave her Leah. For a while my dad tried to turn her middle name into something that fit his family. So he'd say Leah like for Lois or Leroy (his parents names) and I corrected him the first few times and eventually let it go. Sorry mama. Daddy issues suck.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KenzieQsMommy
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 9:35 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow!! That takes a lot of courage to stand up and day you need help. Good for you!!!
My mom, though she can't stand my Dad, tries to tell me that he likely has a skewed view of the last 20+yrs because of the drugs but to me, its hardly an excuse. He did those drugs, he made those choices, ya know?
gosh you've been through so much mama!!! I hope the cycle has been broken with you and your son has a happy and healthy childhood!! Sounds like he will :)


Quoting misslady80013:

Thanks so much! ;-) Wow! I am very sorry! My mom is delusional too! She thinks she was the perfect mom and never did anything wrong and I am the devil according to her. The family tells her they saw me doing everything and she still won't admit she was wrong. She even tied me up naked and beat me with an extension cord because she thought I was lying. I honestly wasn't she was high and paranoid. I have to look at these scars everyday and it pisses me off all over again. Even if I don't think about it for a while, I have to shower and change. You know what I mean? She also locked herself in the bathroom and let me get raped. She told me if I went to the police, she would tell them I wanted it. Who does that?! I have been regularly seeing a therapist for 7 years now. I decided to start going at 18 because I knew my childhood wasn't normal and I needed help to move past all that and break the cycle. I am gonna send you a friend request! :-)



Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You are nothing short of a miracle coming out of that with a decent head on your shoulders!


My dad left us when I was 3. He preferred cocaine and drinking so away he went. We had limited contact for years. He rarely remembered birthdays or anything. He got sober when I was 13 but the damage was done. I tried when I was 17 to let him on and we've been on speaking.g terms since. Honestly, some days I regret letting him in my life. He causes a lot of hurt and thinks he was Mr mom. He's delusional.


My sister lives in Aurora, near Quincy and Parker, I think. Its just so twisty and turny in thar area! Streets turn into other streesmts and I get lost fast. Though I'm notoriously bad with directions, so that could be it! Lol






Quoting misslady80013:

I didn't know that about that hospital, lol. Yep, my SOs parents are still together and he's the baby with 4 older brothers. I have mom issues too! She didn't do her job so I raised myself and my siblings, oldest of my mom's five, while she smoked her crack in her room. While classmates were hanging out and playing outside, I was changing diapers, fixing bottles, etc. I feel she robbed me of my childhood. We were put into foster care and split up before so I did what I had to do to keep us together. Lol! I understand, if you aren't in aa certain area much it feels like that. I feel so lost in Colorado Springs, lol.







Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I wad born in Chicago, moved here when I was 9. Got here as fast as I could!! My dd was born at Denver General and I got so much crap for that cause it's known as the druggies hospital but they redid the whole maternity Ward and it was sooooooo nice!




I can't talk to my SO much about my dad cause he likes him and he's from a whole other world. Both of his parents are still together, mom stayed home and raised the family while dad worked. As much as he tries, he just doesn't get it.




Aurora feels like another planet to me!! LOL I get lost everytime I'm near that side of town haha















Quoting misslady80013:

Cool! Were you born here? I was at Denver General. I hope things get better. It is really hard for others, like my SO to understand that it's not so easy to just get over. I wish more men would take the time to think about the choices they make and consider how it will affect their children. Well, women too! I am in Aurora near Iliff and Buckley. Right down the street from the base.











Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I'm not either, I'm dealing with a whole separate issue with my dad and it SUCKS.






I live in north Denver, by Sloan's Lake














Quoting misslady80013:

Sure we can! LOL. Where do you live? Yes, they truly do. I am working on letting go of all the hurt and resentment but I am a honest human and can say I am just not there yet right now.















Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You live in Denver AND have dad issues?!

















Can we be besties?!?! Lol

















I had a similar issue. I gave my dd my step dad's middle name. His middle name is Lee, I gave her Leah. For a while my dad tried to turn her middle name into something that fit his family. So he'd say Leah like for Lois or Leroy (his parents names) and I corrected him the first few times and eventually let it go. Sorry mama. Daddy issues suck.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:57 PM
Aww, thanks so much. :-) Yeah, she is nuts and we have been estranged for a long time. I have nothing else to say to her and am done. She told me a couple years ago that the reason she abused me and only mistreated me was because I look so much like my father. Not because I was a bad kid or disrespectful, my looks are something I had no control over and that excuse really pisses me off! Yes, I love my SO but even if we don't work out and my son happen to look exactly like him, I would NEVER abuse and mistreat my baby!!! My son is apart of me and came from me so being a mom who loves her child with all her heart, her excuse is bullshit and she is nuts!

I agree! That's not an excuse and he chose to use them without thinking about others. Sorry, but I find that very selfish, especially if you have kids! Oh, my son is my world and we are ok. I pray everyday for help to get rid of all this resentment and hurt so I will be ok. Check your box. ;-)


Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

Wow!! That takes a lot of courage to stand up and day you need help. Good for you!!!

My mom, though she can't stand my Dad, tries to tell me that he likely has a skewed view of the last 20+yrs because of the drugs but to me, its hardly an excuse. He did those drugs, he made those choices, ya know?

gosh you've been through so much mama!!! I hope the cycle has been broken with you and your son has a happy and healthy childhood!! Sounds like he will :)




Quoting misslady80013:

Thanks so much! ;-) Wow! I am very sorry! My mom is delusional too! She thinks she was the perfect mom and never did anything wrong and I am the devil according to her. The family tells her they saw me doing everything and she still won't admit she was wrong. She even tied me up naked and beat me with an extension cord because she thought I was lying. I honestly wasn't she was high and paranoid. I have to look at these scars everyday and it pisses me off all over again. Even if I don't think about it for a while, I have to shower and change. You know what I mean? She also locked herself in the bathroom and let me get raped. She told me if I went to the police, she would tell them I wanted it. Who does that?! I have been regularly seeing a therapist for 7 years now. I decided to start going at 18 because I knew my childhood wasn't normal and I needed help to move past all that and break the cycle. I am gonna send you a friend request! :-)





Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You are nothing short of a miracle coming out of that with a decent head on your shoulders!



My dad left us when I was 3. He preferred cocaine and drinking so away he went. We had limited contact for years. He rarely remembered birthdays or anything. He got sober when I was 13 but the damage was done. I tried when I was 17 to let him on and we've been on speaking.g terms since. Honestly, some days I regret letting him in my life. He causes a lot of hurt and thinks he was Mr mom. He's delusional.



My sister lives in Aurora, near Quincy and Parker, I think. Its just so twisty and turny in thar area! Streets turn into other streesmts and I get lost fast. Though I'm notoriously bad with directions, so that could be it! Lol








Quoting misslady80013:

I didn't know that about that hospital, lol. Yep, my SOs parents are still together and he's the baby with 4 older brothers. I have mom issues too! She didn't do her job so I raised myself and my siblings, oldest of my mom's five, while she smoked her crack in her room. While classmates were hanging out and playing outside, I was changing diapers, fixing bottles, etc. I feel she robbed me of my childhood. We were put into foster care and split up before so I did what I had to do to keep us together. Lol! I understand, if you aren't in aa certain area much it feels like that. I feel so lost in Colorado Springs, lol.









Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I wad born in Chicago, moved here when I was 9. Got here as fast as I could!! My dd was born at Denver General and I got so much crap for that cause it's known as the druggies hospital but they redid the whole maternity Ward and it was sooooooo nice!





I can't talk to my SO much about my dad cause he likes him and he's from a whole other world. Both of his parents are still together, mom stayed home and raised the family while dad worked. As much as he tries, he just doesn't get it.





Aurora feels like another planet to me!! LOL I get lost everytime I'm near that side of town haha


















Quoting misslady80013:

Cool! Were you born here? I was at Denver General. I hope things get better. It is really hard for others, like my SO to understand that it's not so easy to just get over. I wish more men would take the time to think about the choices they make and consider how it will affect their children. Well, women too! I am in Aurora near Iliff and Buckley. Right down the street from the base.













Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

I'm not either, I'm dealing with a whole separate issue with my dad and it SUCKS.







I live in north Denver, by Sloan's Lake
















Quoting misslady80013:

Sure we can! LOL. Where do you live? Yes, they truly do. I am working on letting go of all the hurt and resentment but I am a honest human and can say I am just not there yet right now.

















Quoting KenzieQsMommy:

You live in Denver AND have dad issues?!



















Can we be besties?!?! Lol



















I had a similar issue. I gave my dd my step dad's middle name. His middle name is Lee, I gave her Leah. For a while my dad tried to turn her middle name into something that fit his family. So he'd say Leah like for Lois or Leroy (his parents names) and I corrected him the first few times and eventually let it go. Sorry mama. Daddy issues suck.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
larschick
by on May. 4, 2012 at 2:16 AM
My papaw kept telling me I shoulda named my ds joseph instead of isaac(& he's named after my papaw) I have caught him calling my ds joe before - oh well it won't matter.

Maybe it dad can just call him lydell as a nick name
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 4, 2012 at 2:26 AM

Oops, I meant comfortable. 

Quoting larschick:

My papaw kept telling me I shoulda named my ds joseph instead of isaac(& he's named after my papaw) I have caught him calling my ds joe before - oh well it won't matter.

Maybe it dad can just call him lydell as a nick name

Thanks but I wouldn't be comfotable with that.

 

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