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Will I have to hear about this for the rest of my life?!

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Hi Ladies,

Here is a little back info. My bio dad wasn't in my life the way he should have been. He moved to Indiana when I was 9 and I heard from him on my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. When he came back to Denver to visit, he did get me and my half siblings together to go the movies and stuff but I still feel that is less than a part time dad an unacceptable. I do still resent him for leaving me with my drug using and abusive evil mom so he can drink and party all the time. We didn't talk for years, we are now on speaking terms. We talk every few months.

Well, my step dad, well not really, he didn't marry my mom just common law. Anyway, my step dad means the world to me and is a big part of the reason I am the woman I am today. My step dad will be walking me down the aisle when I get married because he has always been there for me and didn't abandon us when my mom left him and got back with a man who beats her ass everyday and got her started using drugs.

My bio dad has always wanted a son and has all girls. My son is his first grand son and when I found out I was being blessed with a son that I have been praying for, for years, he had the balls to ask me if I would give my son his middle name Lydell! I felt he didn't deserve that because he wasn't there and just told him we went with something else. I am tempted to tell him the reason we went with something else just so he will stop mentioning it every single time we talk!

I asked my step dad if I could give my son his name, his last name is Carter but I wanted my kid or kids name to all start with a K like mine. He was very happy and I told him how much I love and appreciate him so he said of course! I said with a K, he said that's ok and was still sooo happy.

So, my son's name is Karter Chance. His middle name is chance because my miscarriage 6. Years ago was the most devastating event of my life and I feel God is giving me a second chance to be the best mom I can be!

I talked to my bio dad today and he is still like you should have named him Lydell. What would you do?

Would you continue to ignore him? Tell him why you didn't use his name and hurt his feelings and hope it's never brought up again? Tell him why we chose Karter and where it came from? Or something else?

He doesn't know where we came up with Karter and doesn't know I still talk to my step dad. It is not a secret or anything, just not something we talk about the very few times we do talk. Sorry it's so long, just tried to include some relevent info to help you all better understand my situation. Thanks so much for your help. I am so tired of hearing about this and my son is only 3 weeks and 2 days old today. I will post a pic in replies since I am mobile.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:07 AM
Replies (21-30):
first.time.momy
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:45 AM
1 mom liked this
We went with Parker Robert.


Quoting misslady80013:

Aww, thank you! :-) Cool! Lol. So what did you decide to go with?



Quoting first.time.momy:

First off your son is adorable! (We almost named our son 'Carter' :)) Second off I would just explain to him that you chose a name that you thought suited your son. And after meeting him Karter Chance was what fit him the best. And thank him for his suggestions.

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misslady80013
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:47 AM
That is a very strong and nice sounding name! Love it! :-)

Quoting first.time.momy:

We went with Parker Robert.




Quoting misslady80013:

Aww, thank you! :-) Cool! Lol. So what did you decide to go with?





Quoting first.time.momy:

First off your son is adorable! (We almost named our son 'Carter' :)) Second off I would just explain to him that you chose a name that you thought suited your son. And after meeting him Karter Chance was what fit him the best. And thank him for his suggestions.

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veggiebender
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I had to learn this myself to. I always feel the need to kindly explain myself. I am still learning to assert myself. No means No. Doesn't matter if the person you say, "No" to is older or your parent. We are adults. They should respect your answer. To not do that is disrespectful, manipulative, and controlling. As the mother you have the right to name your child as you please. Good Luck, with however you decide to handle this situation!

Quoting misslady80013:

Oh wow! I didn't think about it like that but it makes perfect sense. Thank you.



Quoting veggiebender:

I would say," The child's name is __." End of discussion. Period. His constant harping on the subject means he is trying to control you. I would not give him that power. There doesn't have to be any explanation at all.
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first.time.momy
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you! :)


Quoting misslady80013:

That is a very strong and nice sounding name! Love it! :-)



Quoting first.time.momy:

We went with Parker Robert.






Quoting misslady80013:

Aww, thank you! :-) Cool! Lol. So what did you decide to go with?







Quoting first.time.momy:

First off your son is adorable! (We almost named our son 'Carter' :)) Second off I would just explain to him that you chose a name that you thought suited your son. And after meeting him Karter Chance was what fit him the best. And thank him for his suggestions.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:08 AM
Thank you! I am usually IDGAF with everyone but family that I do still love. I do resent him and he just apologized last month. It was nice to hear him finally admit he was wrong. I said what's done is done, I accept and let's not talk about it anymore. I am also still seeing a therapist, have been for 7 years because my childhood was very traumatic. That's why I don't know how to be nice in situations like this because I would usually say I do what I want and if you don't like it, there's the door. I am trying to change and stop being so mean though. I am not a mean person all around I just don't care what other people think and am not nice about letting them know that.

Quoting veggiebender:

I had to learn this myself to. I always feel the need to kindly explain myself. I am still learning to assert myself. No means No. Doesn't matter if the person you say, "No" to is older or your parent. We are adults. They should respect your answer. To not do that is disrespectful, manipulative, and controlling. As the mother you have the right to name your child as you please. Good Luck, with however you decide to handle this situation!



Quoting misslady80013:

Oh wow! I didn't think about it like that but it makes perfect sense. Thank you.





Quoting veggiebender:

I would say," The child's name is __." End of discussion. Period. His constant harping on the subject means he is trying to control you. I would not give him that power. There doesn't have to be any explanation at all.
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veggiebender
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I am glad you are working on bettering yourself. Funny, you are working on being poliet. While I am working on being assertive, and at times confronational. Lol!
It kind of upsets me that he would ask that of you. Especially, under the circumstances. Yet, I know this is your life. You will know what works best for you. Imo, to have a child named after someone is an honor that should be bestowed. To ask for such an honor is crude. Anyho, good luck Momma! Your baby is gorgeous!


Quoting misslady80013:

Thank you! I am usually IDGAF with everyone but family that I do still love. I do resent him and he just apologized last month. It was nice to hear him finally admit he was wrong. I said what's done is done, I accept and let's not talk about it anymore. I am also still seeing a therapist, have been for 7 years because my childhood was very traumatic. That's why I don't know how to be nice in situations like this because I would usually say I do what I want and if you don't like it, there's the door. I am trying to change and stop being so mean though. I am not a mean person all around I just don't care what other people think and am not nice about letting them know that.



Quoting veggiebender:

I had to learn this myself to. I always feel the need to kindly explain myself. I am still learning to assert myself. No means No. Doesn't matter if the person you say, "No" to is older or your parent. We are adults. They should respect your answer. To not do that is disrespectful, manipulative, and controlling. As the mother you have the right to name your child as you please. Good Luck, with however you decide to handle this situation!





Quoting misslady80013:

Oh wow! I didn't think about it like that but it makes perfect sense. Thank you.







Quoting veggiebender:

I would say," The child's name is __." End of discussion. Period. His constant harping on the subject means he is trying to control you. I would not give him that power. There doesn't have to be any explanation at all.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 2, 2012 at 7:12 AM
Aww, thank you so much! I agree with you and that's why I was so pissed he even had the balls to ask in the first place?! Umm, no, you don't deserve that! Then even after he is here and named, you keep the stuff doing?! It really makes my blood boil! I feel he shouldn't have asked in the first place and certainly not keep bringing it up! If I wanted to namesake my son after you, I would have. I badly want to say STFU and leave it alone but that is mean. Lol! Thanks again. :-) He is making it really hard to be nice though. I get this is his first grand son but he is my son and if I tell you we went with something else, that should have been the end of that in my opinion. I badly wanted to tell him why that I didn't even consider doing something like that, but it would start an arguement. Yes, I will admit, I still resent him but I am working on removing that from my heart. I am still seeing a therapist and have been for the past 7 years to get better. My childhood was very traumatic and I do blame him for not handling business and taking me from her. You know what I mean?

Quoting veggiebender:

I am glad you are working on bettering yourself. Funny, you are working on being poliet. While I am working on being assertive, and at times confronational. Lol!

It kind of upsets me that he would ask that of you. Especially, under the circumstances. Yet, I know this is your life. You will know what works best for you. Imo, to have a child named after someone is an honor that should be bestowed. To ask for such an honor is crude. Anyho, good luck Momma! Your baby is gorgeous!




Quoting misslady80013:

Thank you! I am usually IDGAF with everyone but family that I do still love. I do resent him and he just apologized last month. It was nice to hear him finally admit he was wrong. I said what's done is done, I accept and let's not talk about it anymore. I am also still seeing a therapist, have been for 7 years because my childhood was very traumatic. That's why I don't know how to be nice in situations like this because I would usually say I do what I want and if you don't like it, there's the door. I am trying to change and stop being so mean though. I am not a mean person all around I just don't care what other people think and am not nice about letting them know that.





Quoting veggiebender:

I had to learn this myself to. I always feel the need to kindly explain myself. I am still learning to assert myself. No means No. Doesn't matter if the person you say, "No" to is older or your parent. We are adults. They should respect your answer. To not do that is disrespectful, manipulative, and controlling. As the mother you have the right to name your child as you please. Good Luck, with however you decide to handle this situation!







Quoting misslady80013:

Oh wow! I didn't think about it like that but it makes perfect sense. Thank you.









Quoting veggiebender:

I would say," The child's name is __." End of discussion. Period. His constant harping on the subject means he is trying to control you. I would not give him that power. There doesn't have to be any explanation at all.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nverheyn2011
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree. If he wasn't there in your life, then he has no room to speak up about what you name your son. However, if you don't feel you need to tell him the truth, then I wouldn't... just because he wasn't there and all, so IMO he doesn't deserve that either. But, that's just my thoughts. Karter is adorbale btw!

Quoting SadiasMomma:

i would tell him the truth. he is undeserving of a namesake.


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laurensainz
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Hey.

You don't have to explain to your father more than you want to. You should never feel like you have to justify your decisions to anyone. He is the one who has an issue and eventually he will stop pestering. If it were me, I'd flat out say to him: "He is my son and I picked the name I thought would suit him best. If you cannot honor the name I've given my son, that's your problem. I'm not asking for your blessing." Something like that. He'll be taken aback by your frank approach but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

Obviously you have a loving and caring heart otherwise you won't even care about something like this as much as you do. Make peace with yourself about your decision, too. Like I said, you're the mom. You pick the name. It's that simple. You don't need other's approval.

Good luck!

Lauren
WAHM of 2

misslady80013
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Thank you! It's not that I don't want to, it's just if I do, I would like to do it as nicely as possible. Any suggestions? I just can't believe he had the balls to ask me in the first place then every time we talk after that. Wish he would take a hint, ya know? Thank you, I am convinced he is trying to pee. In my face, lol.

Quoting nverheyn2011:

I agree. If he wasn't there in your life, then he has no room to speak up about what you name your son. However, if you don't feel you need to tell him the truth, then I wouldn't... just because he wasn't there and all, so IMO he doesn't deserve that either. But, that's just my thoughts. Karter is adorbale btw!


Quoting SadiasMomma:

i would tell him the truth. he is undeserving of a namesake.


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