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I'm not okay with it. (abortion)

Posted by on May. 23, 2012 at 4:44 PM
  • 55 Replies
I posted last week about my friend that her fiancé ran away. Dropped everything- her, his cats, his car, his apartment, his job. Everything. He disappeared & left her at the airport waiting for a ride. He sent an email days later saying to leave him alone & he didn't want to be stuck & miserable for the rest of his life.

They had just found out she's pregnant. She decided to have an abortion. She says she just can't deal with being a single mom, they weren't trying to get pregnant. Today she called to ask me to foster his cats until she can find them a new home (probably can't I've been looking for a new home for MY cats for months & haven't been able to- DHs allergies are going nuts).

Then she asked me to wish her luck with her abortion on Friday. I just couldn't. I am so emotional about this. I told her I'm here for her if she needs me, but I just can't pretend I'm okay with it. I'm not okay with it. I understand why, but I just can't wish her luck.

I hope I didn't just alienate her or hurt our friendship, do you think this was an appropriate response?
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by on May. 23, 2012 at 4:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ButterflySteph5
by on May. 23, 2012 at 4:46 PM
I think it's an okay response.
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Mommy4-27-08
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2012 at 4:46 PM
I think so. I know it's not your decision, but if your not okay with something then you can't pretend to be for her.
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Meg2011425
by Gold Member on May. 23, 2012 at 4:49 PM
It might of hurt her. Being pregnant she's probably in a sensitive state of mind and emotional. I could not stand by someone who wanted to do that. I just wouldn't be able to. But everyone has their own opinions. I'd put it up for adoption if I couldn't keep it.
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Tay06
by on May. 23, 2012 at 5:05 PM
2 moms liked this

I think it is an understandable response since you are against abortions.  I am pro-choice, but I still would not expect you to wish me "good luck" for an abortion if we were friends.  You should probably define "support" though, because that could mean anything from just someone to talk to to someone to give her a ride.  I think you handled it well though.

Singlemominit
by on May. 23, 2012 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Thats a better response than a lot of women would have said to her. 

My responses to abortion is: if you dont like it, dont get one.

But seriously kudos for you for telling her that youre not ok with it, but youre still there for her. Thats more than my best friend would have said if I went that route

 BabyFetus Ticker

 BabyFruit Ticker
.Pagan.
by on May. 23, 2012 at 5:08 PM

i can understand it. i would say ' i hope that you dont get hurt' but i can see how you would associate wishing her luck with something positive and so you didn't want to say it. she may not want to be friends with you anymore the way she was before but thats  alll abt choice. you chose  that moment to respond the way you did because of theway you feel and now we will see how she responds. it wasn't extremely disrespectful or anything..there are certain things that i wouldn't wish people luck on either.

TheBabyFactory4
by on May. 23, 2012 at 5:09 PM


Quoting Meg2011425:

It might of hurt her. Being pregnant she's probably in a sensitive state of mind and emotional. I could not stand by someone who wanted to do that. I just wouldn't be able to. But everyone has their own opinions. I'd put it up for adoption if I couldn't keep it.
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nurbabe82
by on May. 23, 2012 at 5:12 PM

 

Quoting .Pagan.:

i can understand it. i would say ' i hope that you dont get hurt' but i can see how you would associate wishing her luck with something positive and so you didn't want to say it. she may not want to be friends with you anymore the way she was before but thats  alll abt choice. you chose  that moment to respond the way you did because of theway you feel and now we will see how she responds. it wasn't extremely disrespectful or anything..there are certain things that i wouldn't wish people luck on either.

 

happymommy1105
by on May. 23, 2012 at 5:13 PM
I think it was okay.
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MumsTheWord571
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2012 at 5:19 PM
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The thing is I've always thought of myself as pro choice. But now that I've had two babies I can't imagine having an abortion. Seriously, in my mind it's equal to me just deciding I didn't want to be a mom anymore and just killing my babies. Even though I knew she planned an abortion this week when she posted on FB about drinking with another friend of hers on Sunday I was upset because she's pregnant. I think inside I keep hoping she will change her mind.

I don't think I'm handling it as well as I might have because I also have PPD.

And if she did want a ride, I would give it. I am not okay with what she's doing, but I get it.


Quoting Tay06:

I think it is an understandable response since you are against abortions.  I am pro-choice, but I still would not expect you to wish me "good luck" for an abortion if we were friends.  You should probably define "support" though, because that could mean anything from just someone to talk to to someone to give her a ride.  I think you handled it well though.


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