My husband's sister is accusing me of her son (who she left when he was 4 years old and wouldn't have even gotten into contact with after 25 years if it wasn't for me) having to go back to Kentucky because he moved out of our house after being asked to leave. We suppported him for 6 months (spent a total of $6,000 on him for cigerettes and dip, medications, doctors, food, utilities, and random things he may have needed) and he lied to us and on us, started fights between my husband and I, and was even screwing his half sister. But yet I am the reason for him leaving.
Anyways, she blames me and told me that I am not worthy of his last name (we have been together for almost 8 years and have 2 kids together - we aren't officially married yet because of my education - I get more money being classified as a single mom), and that she is going to get him a good woman because I am a b***h.
Well, today he went over to her house instead of going to cash a money order which had to be done by noon. When he got home an hour later he lied and said he was at the auto store putting in transmission fluid. Like I am seriously that stupid that I would believe that. He eventually told me he went over there and talked to his niece (the one the nephew was screwing).
I would hurry up taking a test to take her drunk a$$ home, I would wake up at 6 am to take her daughter to school (when I homeschool my kids and we don't wake up till 9) because she had to be at work early, I missed New Years with my husband because the kids (my 2 and her youngest) weren't allowed at the party, I bent over backwards for that woman for a kick in the face.
I went off on him after hearing that. I was so pissed because I felt that he betrayed me. At points in the 8 years I have given up my family for him. He tells me that he doesn't want her back over here yet he goes to talk to her because he wants to "mend our relationship." There is NOTHING that anyone can do to fix it.
How should I take the fact that he is talking to her? Should I feel like he is choosing her over me? What can I do to stop feeling like this?
I am just so confused and upset that I don't know what to do - any advice would help! Thank you!
Uh.......
I must be tired because I can't seem to completely understand. >.<
Some family bonds are extremely strong, so no he is not choosing you over her, he's actually doing the right thing, by trying to mend your relationship. He's respecting you enough that he follows your rules to not have her over. She is obviously upset and doesn't know who to blame. My mother is like that and I get blamed for everything even if i don't live with her or spend time with my sisters.
Don't putting in the middle of this, it makes it very stressful. If u want to be in his life just learn to deal with the facts (meaning that she might like you or any other reason), and he should probably tell her the same to control herself and respect you when she's over. Talk to him CALMLY, s hard to do but with LOVE it can be done.
Good Luck!!
!
Love Always,
Angel
Im sorry - basically what I was saying is that my husband's sister (who he hasnt seen in about 15 years) blames me for her son (who she hasnt seen in 25 years) having to go back to Kentucky because he never got a job during the 6 months that we supported him.
Today he went over to her house and I feel that he is choosing her over me and our kids because he knows how she is treating me. When her son was living with us, I was in my last semester of college and I would stop everything to take her home because she was drunk.
I don't know how to stop feeling like he is trying to just tell everyone what he thinks they want to hear. I feel that in a way he is betraying me because he tells me that he doesn't want to talk to her again but yet goes over to "mend the relationship between me and her"
Quoting Shermy:To be honest, I don't understand a single thing about what you just said.
I know some families are strong, but he hasn't seen her in 15 years and has really only known her again for 6 months. I don't think there is any mending the relationship between her and I. She really screwed things up. She told me that I should just pack mine and my daughters things up and move back to Kentucky because my man doesn't love me (which is not true so he says) then she says that I am not worthy enough to have his last name.
Yes, I give you the fact that he respects me and not lets her come over. I love him more than anything but I have given my whole family up for him because of complicated issues. I don't expect that from him but I do expect him to defend me and not side with the person who hates me when I never did anything to her except help in every which way possible.
She needs to blame the lard butt who sat on my couch for 6 months and didn't get a job and kept lying about everything instead of the person who bent over backwards for her and him.
Thank you for your advice!
Quoting LilTymomma:Some family bonds are extremely strong, so no he is not choosing you over her, he's actually doing the right thing, by trying to mend your relationship. He's respecting you enough that he follows your rules to not have her over. She is obviously upset and doesn't know who to blame. My mother is like that and I get blamed for everything even if i don't live with her or spend time with my sisters.
Don't putting in the middle of this, it makes it very stressful. If u want to be in his life just learn to deal with the facts (meaning that she might like you or any other reason), and he should probably tell her the same to control herself and respect you when she's over. Talk to him CALMLY, s hard to do but with LOVE it can be done.
Good Luck!!
!
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! That makes so, so, so much sense now. OKAY!
Not at all within this context, but I totally get how you feel, or at least how it sounded. My husband has an aunt who has been super rude to me in the past. Nothing I engaged in, it was her own thing, but I have been unamused by her since then. He is always quite cordial. He knows she went totally berserk on me, but she is family, and to him that isn't a bond you break. The way he sees it, she went crazy, she has turned a little looney, but we only control our own actions, so he has the duty to be coridal. Not out of disrespect to me, but with respect for his family. Which I can totally stand behind.
I would handle it by sitting down and talking to him about how you feel and how he feels about the situation. Make sure each person's side is heard and then you can go from there. Sometimes when you understand where the other person is coming from, you can understand and let everything else go. Men emotionally, on average, tend to be fixers.
She does need to blame her son and not you, but sometimes when you haven't been around for a child, and your are feeling bad about it, sometimes it is easier to blame someone else. I would keep calm, be respectful to the aunt and just ignore her. It sounds like she has her own issues going on and it most likely has little, or nothing to do with you. You can only control your own actions.
He tells me that he doesn't want anything to do with her yet he wants to mend the relationship between her and I. There is nothing that would fix it. I swear if she comes on my property (his sister or not) I will call the law for her trespassing. I bent over backwards for her and she is too stupid to see that her kids (who are half siblings) were screwing each other.
I hope talking to him will help him see how I feel - but I don't think so.
Thanks for the advice.
Quoting Shermy:OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! That makes so, so, so much sense now. OKAY!
Not at all within this context, but I totally get how you feel, or at least how it sounded. My husband has an aunt who has been super rude to me in the past. Nothing I engaged in, it was her own thing, but I have been unamused by her since then. He is always quite cordial. He knows she went totally berserk on me, but she is family, and to him that isn't a bond you break. The way he sees it, she went crazy, she has turned a little looney, but we only control our own actions, so he has the duty to be coridal. Not out of disrespect to me, but with respect for his family. Which I can totally stand behind.
I would handle it by sitting down and talking to him about how you feel and how he feels about the situation. Make sure each person's side is heard and then you can go from there. Sometimes when you understand where the other person is coming from, you can understand and let everything else go. Men emotionally, on average, tend to be fixers.
She does need to blame her son and not you, but sometimes when you haven't been around for a child, and your are feeling bad about it, sometimes it is easier to blame someone else. I would keep calm, be respectful to the aunt and just ignore her. It sounds like she has her own issues going on and it most likely has little, or nothing to do with you. You can only control your own actions.
Yeah - that is exactly how I feel - I feel like he is trying to please everyone at my expense and not defending me like he should. Heck we have been together for almost 8 years - you think he would have learned how to do it by now <LOL>
I also feel like he is pushing my feelings behind everyone else because he has been with me for so long and has only been in contact with her again for 6 months.
Thanks - at least I know he's not the only one.
Quoting TexasWife:So are you upset because you don't feel like he is standing up for you? I had that feeling the whole first year of my marriage. It takes a while for them to sort of get it. Does that make sense? My husband is a lot like your so. He wants to please everybody.
God help me if my son ever tells me he heard...
- 2012azmom
on May. 26, 2012 at 9:30 PM