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Overreacting??....sorry long

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:08 PM
  • 17 Replies
My SO had a bad relationship before me. His ex has 3 kids and he thought the first two were his but third wasn't. She even told the judge the third one was his. He has found out this last year the middle child is not his and the youngest one is his. Right now we have visitation with the two older ones and are going back to court to get everything fixed with the youngest. He meets his ex in Safeway parking lot to drop the kids off. Sometimes he has to go to work early and usually his sister takes them. Well she can't take them today so I was going to take them and have his 17 year old niece go with me. I have ran into his ex a couple times and nothing has happened. We are both polite but don't really talk. Now he's trying to get off work so he can take them. He told me it was because he didn't want to lose any time with them. But he wasn't worried about it before he found out I had to take them. He only works part time and I basically support our family right now. So I told him I didn't mind taking them today and he should probably work because we need the money. He then admits that he lied he didn't want her to be upset that I dropped them off and then send someone besides her mom or her to meet him. I'm am ok with his thinking because she does have some shady friends but I don't understand why he lies to me. He always lies about little things and says he just didn't want to upset me. So I've tried to explain to him that I would rather be told the truth. And 99% of the time the truth wouldn't have caused an arguement but the lie does. He gets upset because I question him but I said I question because he has lied so much about things that don't matter. It really upsets me that he continues to lie. Am I overreacting?
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by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
daulton_dustin
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:16 PM
No ur not. I believe everyone should tell the truth no matter what. I hate liars and it makes it hard for people to believe
RaeVega0813
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:18 PM
Exactly I was always told if you can lie about something small then you can lie about anything.


Quoting daulton_dustin:

No ur not. I believe everyone should tell the truth no matter what. I hate liars and it makes it hard for people to believe

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Mom2Phoenix2011
by Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this

 it is a catch 22 in this situation imo, I can understand why he may not have wanted to tell you he loves you and does not want to hurt your feelings, or cause problems with the kids mom. I do think that you need to drill it into his head that the small lies need to stop because the small ones eventually turn into big ones. He has his own example right in front of him with his kids, I am sure their mom started with small lies that eventually turned into the massive ones that he is now dealing with in court.

Stevie, I am the proud mom of Phoenix, and the proud wife of Boston My OTR Trucker.  

daulton_dustin
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:21 PM
So true! I've been lied to by so many people there really isn't anybody I trust besides my father, and my df is slowy gaining my trust back.




Quoting RaeVega0813:


RaeVega0813
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:30 PM
Thanks its just hard for me. I get he didn't want to hurt my feelings its just hard with the constant lies


Quoting Mom2Phoenix2011:

 it is a catch 22 in this situation imo, I can understand why he may not have wanted to tell you he loves you and does not want to hurt your feelings, or cause problems with the kids mom. I do think that you need to drill it into his head that the small lies need to stop because the small ones eventually turn into big ones. He has his own example right in front of him with his kids, I am sure their mom started with small lies that eventually turned into the massive ones that he is now dealing with in court.


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Mom2Phoenix2011
by Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:55 PM

 I agree that it is hard, and maybe you should use the example that I used for him to understand where you are coming from, granted be prepared for him to say it is not the same and just counter with you know the way you feel that is how I feel every time you lie to me no mater how small it is.

Quoting RaeVega0813:

Thanks its just hard for me. I get he didn't want to hurt my feelings its just hard with the constant lies


Quoting Mom2Phoenix2011:

 it is a catch 22 in this situation imo, I can understand why he may not have wanted to tell you he loves you and does not want to hurt your feelings, or cause problems with the kids mom. I do think that you need to drill it into his head that the small lies need to stop because the small ones eventually turn into big ones. He has his own example right in front of him with his kids, I am sure their mom started with small lies that eventually turned into the massive ones that he is now dealing with in court.


 

Stevie, I am the proud mom of Phoenix, and the proud wife of Boston My OTR Trucker.  

RaeVega0813
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:57 PM
I'm going to try that. Hopefully it helps. Thanks for the advice


Quoting Mom2Phoenix2011:

 I agree that it is hard, and maybe you should use the example that I used for him to understand where you are coming from, granted be prepared for him to say it is not the same and just counter with you know the way you feel that is how I feel every time you lie to me no mater how small it is.


Quoting RaeVega0813:

Thanks its just hard for me. I get he didn't want to hurt my feelings its just hard with the constant lies



Quoting Mom2Phoenix2011:


 it is a catch 22 in this situation imo, I can understand why he may not have wanted to tell you he loves you and does not want to hurt your feelings, or cause problems with the kids mom. I do think that you need to drill it into his head that the small lies need to stop because the small ones eventually turn into big ones. He has his own example right in front of him with his kids, I am sure their mom started with small lies that eventually turned into the massive ones that he is now dealing with in court.



 


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MamaLub
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:02 PM
SOunds like he learned to lie with his ex because she was psycho.
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RaeVega0813
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:06 PM
I've always tried not to judge other mothers but she is definitely like no one I have met. We have to keep track and write everything down. My biggest concern is the emotional damage the kids are going to have. She plays nice in public and plays the victim and she's good st it I almost believed her when I first met my so until I started seeing all the messed up texts she was sending. My so deleted them....now he saves them all


Quoting MamaLub:

SOunds like he learned to lie with his ex because she was psycho.

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aidenmomplus4
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:11 PM

It's hard to say his lying to you to spare your feelings rather then to hide something. I think the best thing to do is tell him that lying is what causes the problem not the situation. But I wouldn't be too concern there is always going to be ex drama while the kids are still young.

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