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My daughter doesn't know her bio dad....

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:32 PM
  • 31 Replies

and she calls my fiance daddy because that's the only dad she knows, he's been in her life since she was a year old and she's about to be 4. I just always have bio dad lurking because he owes so much child support and she has his last name. She still doesn't know her last name and I have a really hard time bringing myself to tell her then having to explain to her even though I know i will have to. Then i feel bad because she does have half sisters that she doesn't know that live with him. We were married for a short time while she was a baby and when we got a divorce he was in jail and wasn't at court and now has 0 rights to her which is the way i want it. I'm just dreading explaining these things to her when she's ready not to mention she is fixing to start school and so it'll start with the name and go from there. How  do you explain to your little girl about a biological dad that hasn't been around since she was a little baby? btw he knows how to get a hold of me and has never attempted expect this one time where he asked me around tax time how he could sign rights over only because he owed so much child support. I would just rather drop the child support because he doesn't pay it anyways and move on without that over our heads but she's on medicaid and they won't let me drop it unless i drop the medicaid as well which i can't do. anyways this is just kind of a vent..


Any of you in a simular situation? how are you dealing with it? and when and how did you start explaining things to your child? makes my heart sinks just thinking about it.

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by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alisha_89
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I am in somewhat of a similar situation. If you have a fiance just let her believe that he is her real dad. She's young she needs to know her last name. She's probably not going to ask why she doesn't have the same last name as you or your fiance. Forget about the dead beat and move on with your life and let your daughter live hers with you and the man who is making both of you happy. My oldest son is 3 and has often asked where his daddy is and I explain it the best I can even though he doesn't really understand. Just tell her her last name and if she starts asking about her biological father(which she'll refer to as her dad) just tell her that whoever you're marrying is her dad and leave it like that. Now when she becomes a teenager and you want to tell her the other side then you should but right now let her believe your fiance is her dad. Just my opinion.

ambermarie2006
by Amber on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this

My son is 6 1/2 and finally at the point where he questions why his 2 sisters have a different last name than him. His bio father has visited once a year since he was an infant, but refuses to have anything "fatherly" to do with him. He has called my 2 daughters father "daddy" and thats who he sees as dad. I explained at 6 years old that he had a biological father who gave him life, but my daughters father is his daddy because thats who has raised him since he was an infant. 

Just recently my son has decided to sever all ties with bio dad completely. He wants me to get his last name changed as well, but that will have to wait. 

mrsbrimer
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:50 PM
3 moms liked this
My DD is almost 3 and has ONLY known DH as daddy. Bio dad has never been in the picture. We aren't gonna tell her. DH is her father since she was 1 month old. Blood isn't everything
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luvmidian
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:02 AM

This is how I feel too. when she started talking she was calling him dada before she could say mama lol and he takes full responsability of being her dad. he's great with her. I try not to think about it but sometimes like tonight it gets to me. in fact df just called while on break at his work and i got emotional telling him it was bothering me thinking about it but he made me feel better always does :)

Quoting mrsbrimer:

My DD is almost 3 and has ONLY known DH as daddy. Bio dad has never been in the picture. We aren't gonna tell her. DH is her father since she was 1 month old. Blood isn't everything


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mrsbrimer
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Yea. dont worry about it. If he wants to be her daddy. Let him!!! Shes way better off with a loving, involved father in her life. When me and DH talk about it hes like "no she is MY daughter " hes very protective lol

Quoting luvmidian:

This is how I feel too. when she started talking she was calling him dada before she could say mama lol and he takes full responsability of being her dad. he's great with her. I try not to think about it but sometimes like tonight it gets to me. in fact df just called while on break at his work and i got emotional telling him it was bothering me thinking about it but he made me feel better always does :)


Quoting mrsbrimer:

My DD is almost 3 and has ONLY known DH as daddy. Bio dad has never been in the picture. We aren't gonna tell her. DH is her father since she was 1 month old. Blood isn't everything


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ambermarie2006
by Amber on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:07 AM

Just be sure if you take this road (not telling ever), that you are ready for the consequences if she finds out later in life that she was told a lie for so long. I had a close family member (my grandmother) go through that and she resented her mother with all her heart after she found out the truth. Kids are more understanding and resilient than you think. Good luck in whatever decision you make though.

Quoting luvmidian:

This is how I feel too. when she started talking she was calling him dada before she could say mama lol and he takes full responsability of being her dad. he's great with her. I try not to think about it but sometimes like tonight it gets to me. in fact df just called while on break at his work and i got emotional telling him it was bothering me thinking about it but he made me feel better always does :)

Quoting mrsbrimer:

My DD is almost 3 and has ONLY known DH as daddy. Bio dad has never been in the picture. We aren't gonna tell her. DH is her father since she was 1 month old. Blood isn't everything



feliciasmith
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this
My dd is almost 2 and the last time my ex saw her she was 10 days old, she has my last name though.

but my plan is just to tell her that the man that helped me make her isnt daddy is was someone else but he let daddy take over from there.

And hopefully that will be the end of it lol but finding the right time is going to be hard because like your situation she already calls dh dad so I dont want to confuse her
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LongBeachLiz
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:14 AM
1 mom liked this
My dd doesn't know her bio dad. Wen she was 4 before starting school I had her last name legally changed to mine. She had/has no idea she had a different last name. It's not very hard to do as long ad he doesn't object to it. Now my dd is 8 and I am married. She has a baby brother who has my married name. She doesn't know about the whole step thing or that he is a half brother.

Her bio dad has 4 other kids (1 older and 3 younger than her) that she has NO idea about. When shes older we'll talk about it. Her older brother lives here in the same city and his mom has Facebook.... I just don't really want to go there...
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luvmidian
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:16 AM

I understand and I will have to tell her regardless. df has a 6 year old daughter and we have already explained it to her so I'm just waiting till she is mature enough to understand. yep him and i both have a daughter each from previous relationships and we are expecting one together in november :) i think it will make everyone feel more comfortable after the baby is here to tie everyone together and i feel it will make her feel more comfortable with her situation growing up.

Quoting ambermarie2006:

Just be sure if you take this road (not telling ever), that you are ready for the consequences if she finds out later in life that she was told a lie for so long. I had a close family member (my grandmother) go through that and she resented her mother with all her heart after she found out the truth. Kids are more understanding and resilient than you think. Good luck in whatever decision you make though.

Quoting luvmidian:

This is how I feel too. when she started talking she was calling him dada before she could say mama lol and he takes full responsability of being her dad. he's great with her. I try not to think about it but sometimes like tonight it gets to me. in fact df just called while on break at his work and i got emotional telling him it was bothering me thinking about it but he made me feel better always does :)

Quoting mrsbrimer:

My DD is almost 3 and has ONLY known DH as daddy. Bio dad has never been in the picture. We aren't gonna tell her. DH is her father since she was 1 month old. Blood isn't everything




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Mazi184
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I never knew my bio dad. My stepdad is dad. My mom married my bio dad and I had his last name. He ditched not to long after. ( they were young) I say she's to young to bring any of that up. My mom talked about it to me when I was older and asked if I'd like for her to find my bio dad so I could meet him ( he had no contact, nothing to do with us.) I didn't want to meet him had no interest at all for someone who didnt care about me. Besides, I have a dad already. So yeah, I would just wait till she is older and ask her what she would like to do.
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