and she calls my fiance daddy because that's the only dad she knows, he's been in her life since she was a year old and she's about to be 4. I just always have bio dad lurking because he owes so much child support and she has his last name. She still doesn't know her last name and I have a really hard time bringing myself to tell her then having to explain to her even though I know i will have to. Then i feel bad because she does have half sisters that she doesn't know that live with him. We were married for a short time while she was a baby and when we got a divorce he was in jail and wasn't at court and now has 0 rights to her which is the way i want it. I'm just dreading explaining these things to her when she's ready not to mention she is fixing to start school and so it'll start with the name and go from there. How do you explain to your little girl about a biological dad that hasn't been around since she was a little baby? btw he knows how to get a hold of me and has never attempted expect this one time where he asked me around tax time how he could sign rights over only because he owed so much child support. I would just rather drop the child support because he doesn't pay it anyways and move on without that over our heads but she's on medicaid and they won't let me drop it unless i drop the medicaid as well which i can't do. anyways this is just kind of a vent..
Any of you in a simular situation? how are you dealing with it? and when and how did you start explaining things to your child? makes my heart sinks just thinking about it.
thank you great advice :) i never thought about the not refering to him as father or dad that makes sense as she gets older and can put the pieces together better she'll know.
Quoting browneyedmamasf:I can relate to your situation on many levels. This is what I did. My bf has been there as my dd dad's since she was born I told her about the other person when she was 4. First I explained that my partner was her daddy. I told her what he gave to her, personality wise, interests, sillyness, love of baseball etc. I explained what he does for her, and then I asked her what she thought a daddy was. She talked about reading bedtime stories, giving her a bath etc. I then explained that it takes two people to make a baby, and the person that helped me make her is not in our lives. I told her what she has from him, her eyes, etc. Here you could insert the last name as something he gave her. Never say dad or father about the bio guy to her, as this will create confusion. Just by name if you want, so she knows how to ask you about him if she ever has questions. This my advice its works for our family, my daughter is 6 and she never asks about him, she has a dad, the bio parent isn't her dad. He helped make her, that's all.
Michelle
luvmidian, Your SO has helped raise her so, if she calls him DAD, then this is all she needs to know right now.. When she is old enough she will come to you.. You can fill in the blanks then.. Just let her know the basics, then, she'll take it from there.. It's a good idea to have her well old enough to understand what you need to tell her.. By then, she'd more/less figured it out.. She'll be ok /.you not telling her to early of an age.. Take Care, Donna....
I posted this same question cuz I think it about it often and worry that my 5 yr old son will rebell against his dad that isn't his bio dad but has been in his life since 6 months old and loves him as his own. Everyone deserves to know who their biological parents are no matter how uncomfortable the situation is. I wish I could never tell my son but I know thats not right. I'll explain that another man helped make his body but daddy is the one who loves him and takes care of him and wishes he could have helped make him.
My bio dad left when my mom found out she was pregnant and I didn't meet him until I was 18. She met my stepdad when she was pregnant and he's the only dad I ever knew. They got married when I was 2 and he legally adopted me when I was 5 and I took his last name.
My mom said it wasn't an issue until the paperwork was being done. She had to put down my bio dad's name, and I could read, so I said "That's not my dad's name!" And she gave me a brief explanation (not sure what she said). Over the years she just answered any questions I had and then when I was about 9 or 10 told me what happened. I got more age appropriate details as I got older.
I did got through the "why didn't my real dad want me?" stuff as a teen, but just keep an open line of communication with her. Keep things honest but age appropriate. It probably won't be as big of a deal for her as it will for you.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's kind of weird for me because i grew up in a single parent home as well only it was my dad me and my brother. my mom left when i was 4 and never came back but i've kept in some contact with her over the years and my dad gave me everything that had to do with them like wedding album her wedding dress, pictures, cake top everything and i still all those things even though she didn't raise me and i can count on my hands how many times i've seen her in my life time since she left. but i think my dad gave me all the stuff to have of her because i was a girl growing up without her mom and it was really hard for me at times growing up and my dad was single most of all my childhood so it's a much diff situation handled in a much diff way.
Quoting sreichelt26:My bio dad left when my mom found out she was pregnant and I didn't meet him until I was 18. She met my stepdad when she was pregnant and he's the only dad I ever knew. They got married when I was 2 and he legally adopted me when I was 5 and I took his last name.
My mom said it wasn't an issue until the paperwork was being done. She had to put down my bio dad's name, and I could read, so I said "That's not my dad's name!" And she gave me a brief explanation (not sure what she said). Over the years she just answered any questions I had and then when I was about 9 or 10 told me what happened. I got more age appropriate details as I got older.
I did got through the "why didn't my real dad want me?" stuff as a teen, but just keep an open line of communication with her. Keep things honest but age appropriate. It probably won't be as big of a deal for her as it will for you.
Quoting luvmidian:I hope so I'll be looking into changing it for sure
Quoting MomRocs1102:when the time comes be honest with her, she hasn't missed out on having a father figure in her life so she may be okay with it. Since you have all rights to her can you change her last name once you marry?
I would say tell your daughter the truth. To the extent of a 4 year old lol. She will love you and him. I'm some ways in that boat by not having my daughters dad around but consider yourself blessed that you have a man willing to take responsibility. Thats a great thing! I hope whatever you chose that it doesnt hurt your daughter. I know Im not looking forward to that conversation with mine. :/ Good Luck and you guys are in my prayers.
Dark Spot Correctors That Won't Break the Bank?
- luvmidian
on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:32 PM