I Talked To My Sister. I'm Likely Going To Hell Now. ***UPDATE***
She responded: "Zero for my family".
Yup. THAT is how you drop a bomb, end my world, & break your little sister's heart all at the same damn time!
Just like THAT!
So, I ask: Why?
Excuse #1: sceduling conflict: DH can't get that weekend off of work.
Rebuttle: BULLSHIT! We've known about this since March.
Mmmkay. Try again.
Excuse #2. Religious conflict: "I don't go to bars, what makes you think I want my kids around a bunch of drunks?"
Rebuttle: The invite said "bring your own drinks for your family". It is a PUBLIC beach, we can NOT monitor what people CHOOSE to bring. PLUS, nobody said that you had to bring your kids.
Mmmmhmmm... Try again!
Excuse #3: (AND I QUOTE) "I'm not entirely convinced that this is what mom would want."
***Yep. Bitch hit the WRONG fucking button!***
Rebuttle: Fucking EXCUSE ME? I don't remember YOU being the one who HAD these oh-so-pleasant conversations with your dying mother??? I'm pretty-fuckin sure it was *ME* that sat with tear-filled eyes & essentially asked her: "What would you like me to do with your dead body once you die, mom?"
FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!
I have NEVER in my life been so offended!!!
HOW DARE she even question for one fucking mili-second that I wouldn't do everything in my power to carry through with the words that ran off of my mom's tongue & straight to my own ears!
THIS was when I calmly (yeah-fuckin RIGHT!) Told her that it is her judgmental, selfish, disgustingly heartless ways that kept her from having a relationship with our mother.
Her ENTIRE adulthood was spent saying (essentially): "Mom, live your life the way *I* want you to live it OR, stay away!"
MY adult years were spent saying: "MOM! I love you unconditionally. No matter WHERE life leads, I'm here!"
^^ see the difference?
SOoOoOo.... Hmmm.... Kinda fuckin hard to blame MOM for your lack of comunication, NO?
I mean: the days following her diagnosis, INSTEAD of calling her & saying "Mom. I love you!". You sent her babbling Bible scripture that SHE DIDNT UNDERSTAND!!!
So much for loving unconditionally & being Christ-like, EH? :/
SMDH!!! I have SOOoOo much more to say, but hung up on her when she told me that she decided not to come over 6 weeks ago & just planned to not show up.....
So, you were going to leave your baby sister & brother, URN IN HAND, grieving deeply, on a boat.... Wondering where the fuck you were?!?
BRILLIANT, oh, Christian one! O_o
The cherry that tops it all?
HER HUSBAND (my BIL) CALLS ME AFTER I HANG UP ON HER!
Now, mind you, I bawled like a baby while screaming at her.... FIGHTING to keep the small OUNCE of honorable reputation that my mother has left & the girl spoke to me as if her words had been rehearsed over the past 6 fucking weeks!!!!! Here I was pouring my heart out & her tone of voice said: "IDGAF, sucks to be you".
Sooo, imagine my surprise less than 5 minutes after hanging up w/ her when her DH loudly exclaims: "What did you say to your sister? She just called me crying!!"
Awwww... Well, that sux, since she did a really good job of NOT crying while *I* was on the phone with her!!!
I THEN get a lecture about how i'm not "respecting HER grieving process."
Ummmm.... WHAT grieving proces? HER GRIEF NEVER EXISTED! She chose the hard-hearted, cuntastic, dont give a fuck about anyone else route. REMEMBER?
I seriously don't even remember my convo with him, but DAMN RIGHT it felt OHHh SOOO good to drop the F-bomb on that "perfect" lil' Christian pastor. SURE DID!!!
DON'T get involved, fucktard!!! This is between 3 siblings & their mother.....
Hung up on HIS ass too!!!
THEN, I called my brother. All it took was 4.5 seconds of crying, before my brother was FUMING mad!
Yup. Ya just don't go makin a man's baby sister cry. Sorry ya missed that memo, fella! ;)
Bottom line: I no longer want my sister at the ceremony. Guess we'll al be getting what we want then, huh? :/
My mind is a mess ATM.... I'll be back to update later.
First, I want to thank ALL of you for letting me vent my drama here! It both comforts & saddens me at the same time that women whom have never met me seem to have more compassion & understanding than my own damn sister. (HUGS BACK) for all the hugs & love i've recieved! <3
Well, my brother called my sister. :/
I'd like to say that I am currently the luckiest girl on earth since my bestie from HS just so happens to be my brother's G/F. She texted me the "play by play" as she ease-dropped on my brother's & sister's conversation! HA! I <3 her!
Anyways, My brother calmly explained to Christy that he understands why (as a solid Christian *gag*) she wouldn't find any value what-so-ever in the scattering of ashes.....
"Yes, the body (ashes) is just a shell... The soul has moved on... BUT, do you understand what this means to Stephanie?".
From what I understand, every answer she gave was: "But *I* have moved on... *I* have healed... (And the WORST response) "I'm sick of being forced to take part in the woe-is-me sob fest!"
^^^ O_O @_@ O_o
I must say how absolutely proud of my brother I am!! He stayed mature, rational, calm, & respectful (unlike how *I* handled things) -_-
I guess I never really knew that *I* was the only one making a big deal out of this ash scattering ceremony? Every time he brought up the importance of it, he would say: "But, it means so much to STEPHANIE!". I'm not sure if this was him essentially standing up for me & saying that my own feelings are more important than his own, OR if he is coming because it is important to ME (but, not so much to him)?!?
Either way: I can see why it would have more significance to me than to anyone else. *I* was the one who had these conversations with mom as she slowly died right in front of me. How could I look in her eyes & promise something & not do everything in my power to keep that promies? OF COURSE it is important to me!!
What I DON'T understand is how it isn't (at the very LEAST) symbolic & healing for my sister!?! I mean: My aunt & my siblings & I were the only 4 people at mom's'memorial service that KNEW her urn didn't contain her ashes that day!! *WE* (without the knowledge of anyone else) were battling my mom's ex(abusive)DH (still legally married) for the rights to her remains at the time.
HOW could mom's memorial service be ENOUGH for my sister to find peace & healing? HOW could she be so easily pleased with the fact that "mom" wasn't even AT the service?!
ALSO, come to think of it: At my aunt's funeral (7 yrs ago) my sister wrote a long & heart-felt eulogy. My aunt was a devout Christian woman. We all knew (without doubt) that when she closed her eyes here on earth, she opened them in the arms of the Lord.
^^ my sister (being the oh-so-awesome Christian she is) should find comfort & peace in knowing this, NO? :/
YET, she spent a solid 4 YEARS grieving the loss of my aunt!!!!
NOW, our own mother passes away.... NOBODY knowing (for those that believe in God) whether or not she (FOR SURE) was "saved", or that she made it to Heaven? (Though, *I* truly believe the Lord knew my mom's heart better than any of us did & was by her side always!)
SO, my sister (being Christian) somehow (less than 5 months later) has ALREADY "found peace & healed" regarding my mom's death??? EVENTHOUGH HER BIBLE likely claims that my mother isn't in Heaven??? :/
Seems reasonable, Right? *sarcasm*
NO! It isn't! My holier than thou sister doesn't resemble the heart of a Christian what-so-ever! Even Christ himself mourns the loss of a non-believer! Even Christ himself is known for forgiving prostitutes, addicts, rapists, murderers.... ETC! WHY should I go out of my way to show extra-special respect towards my sister, when the very words her & her husband preach at church every week are nothing but hypocritical?
^^ If THIS is the God they represent, than i'm finding a new one!
So, apparently, Bobby was able to (possibly?) Come to an agreement w/ my sister regarding her attendance @ my mom's ash scattering ceremony.
ORIGINALLY, the plans were to have a party on the beach. Entertainment, food, beverages, ETC....
CLOSE family members would later get onto the same boat, along w/ mom's remains & ride out onto the middle of the lake... Other boats w/ extended family & friends would follow... I'm sure words would be spoken, prayers would be said & then together, we would all say our goodbyes in the very best way we know how.
Well, since Christy is so damn hell-bent on "coming to a drunk-fest" (which was NEVER the intentions anyways *eye roll*). She is currently "discussing" (err likely being brain-washed) w/ her DH about how she MIGHT come to JUST the boat/ash ceremony.....
BUT, she (adimately) insisted that we CHANGE the plans for the day & do the ceremony IN THE MORNING before the "party" starts. :/
OHhHh, OK queen has to have everything HER way... We'll do JUST THAT! *sigh*
BUT, my brother (being the peace-maker) makes a good point here..... The intended purpose of the day will still be carried out no matter what time we do the ceremony. ALSO, whether THIS ceremony is important to everyone or not, maintaining & preserving these important relationships between 3 siblings should always be a top priority! (We shall see if her husband ALLOWS her to come) :/
Bobby & I discussed the Dells vacay w/ dad (the following weekend)... We agreed that it wouldn't be right to cancel plans w/ him. This is is very FIRST effort at enjoying the company of his adult children (30 years to late, if ya ask me, but it's important to Bobby that I go.) So, we shall go with our happy smiles on. Though, I can't help, but wonder WTF my sister is gonna do & say when she realizes that ALL people attending (with the exception of her & her DH) plan to make the weekend a fucking drunk-fest! LMFAO!!! I'm currently researching churches in the Dells area so that my sister has somewhere to go & pray (judge) her loser, alcoholic family members that sunday. ^_^