I think you can have the relationship you want with her but you will have to disregard any toxic thinking about the one she has with someone else. It doesn't matter how she gets along with others and you are focusing on this relationship because it is his ex. You are also seeing it negatively as if it is some competition. As a woman with sisters and mother to 3 daughters, you can love more than one person like a daughter. So instead of feeling inadequate, not good enough, like a competition, or anything remotely negative, let all of that go and start working toward a friendship with your bf's mom. From what you have revealed, I see substantial adults that are level headed and remaining relationships are not dissolved simply based on one relationship being altered.
If anything find the positive. Your bf and his mom sound mature and have been civil and friendly with an ex that he did love but couldn't be with so they parted nicely to raise a child. Why should the mom disown her friend of 10 years when her son divorced her? The ex has 10 years in the family and she is part of the family. She always will be as she is forever tied to him and his family by a child. I can't fathom wanting the crazy ex or any of the other drama and I would think people who could behave with humanly compassion and adult actions were more suitable for me.
Reevaluate the need to focus on the ex. If she is nice and you have interaction with her child then I would befriend her too. She wants a nice woman for her ex because that woman is involved with her child. Harbor no jealousy and certainly no insecurity. Start getting to know your bf's mom by having them over more often, including them in your outings or asking her to meet you for lunch. Anything you know his mom likes or knows, that you are truly interested in learning is a great place to build a relationship. If he has a favorite meal by his mom, maybe ask her to teach you. Let her know you are looking to learn it to surprise him and realize that it will never be her cooking but you would like to get it as close as possible with the woman who does it right. Never discuss the ex with her. It's not a competition. Never compare yourself. You are with a man who wants you. Build a relationship on your own with his mom but be careful as those relationships take years to work kinks out of and they have bumps along the way. Remember that what you now witness is ten years old and bonded by the love for a shared child.
Best wishes and prayers. Hugs too.
What's a good gift?
Apple or Android network?
- DoubleTheBundle
on Aug. 11, 2012 at 12:24 AM