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Living at home :( Kinda long

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 10:10 AM
  • 11 Replies

Let me start off by saying i love my mom dearly and i appreciate everything she did and still does for me. However, lol..

She's driving me crazy.  I mean, sometimes my mom seriously over-steps her bounds when it comes to me and how i want to raise my children. lately, i just feel myself going crazy because everything just seems ALL screwed up!! For one, i can't stand to discipline my children and to feel like im being watched or monitored by anyone. And i don't like being...whats the word..undermined as a mother. Like if i say something to my kids, they will go to my mom and it used to be that she would give them or say something completely different to them then what i said. I see IT as, these are my kids, im going to raise them how i want to raise them. So thats one of the problems, i just feel like she is constantly stepping in when i don't need or want her too. sometimes i'd like to do things myself or at least be given the opportuinity too but she always steps in. Okay prime example: last night my daughter had an accident and peed on the floor in the room, so i went to bathe her because she had school this am and when we came back in the room, the whole room smelled of cleaning fumes because my mom sprayed the floor and was cleaning the area. Okay, i appreciate that, number 1 and i see she was trying to help but she didn't give me the chance to clean it and on top of that it smelled really strong and my son was still sleeping in the room so i guess he was just inhaling all of the fumes. I mean i understand pee is a strong smell but so are cleaning fumes and i dont want him breathing that in while he was sleeping.*SIGH* Okay next kids fathers' yes i have two. one is barely involved cuz he can't seem to get his self together, thats my son's father. My daughter's father he is involved but not as much as he could be. I don't remember the last time he bought her anything but he calls and talks to her and occasionally she goes over there for the weekend. he also started his own business recently. Okay so me and my daughter's father, let's call him N. N and i don't communicate at all. Someone thing happened between us so long ago but i guess he has not gotten over it which is weird because im the one who ended up with a bruise on my back but whatever. Anyway when he wants to call and talk to her or anything, he calls who? My mom. And sometimes my mom will take it upon herself to call and tell him stuff about my daughter as well. She doesn't gvie me the opportunity, just takes it upon herself so i guess she's acting like the middle man but she always complains about it but says that once i move out he'll have no choice but to communicate with me. My thing is, he will never take me seriously until i move out and until my mom stops advocating for my daughter and i. she shouldn't have to play the middle man just because he is too immature to call my phone. my phone number hasn't changed. Did i mention my mom is always stressed or hollering around the house about something?? it can be the smallest thing but she lets it stress her out to the point where the kids sit down or ask me why NANA is mad and that stresses me out because it creates an intense environment for the kids and i dont like that. i'm more cool, calm and collected i dont let every little thing stress me. I mean when she is mad she slams DOORS, curses, throws things the whole dramatic 9. And then there is the thing with anxiety and panic attacks. She almost can never be left alone with the kids or by herself and this makes it hard for me to get out and find a job because i have to worry about leaving the kids with her. My old job i had, i had to leave early or call out several times because of her health. Her health is also one of the reasons im here, she says she needs me. But at the same time is always talking about me to other family members or just being nasty and saying stuff about how i raise my kids. i told her im gonna stop giving my daughter a bath in the am because its gettting colder in the morning and i dont want her to get sick. what does she say? oh you can still give her a bath, so i do and what happens? now my daughter is has the sniffles and sneezes a lot. Then what really pissed me off is that i noticed my son had a lil bit of a stuttering problem and i told her about it, she writes it off and says he's just playing around. it's not until my daughters teacher did an at home visit and SHE noticed it, did my mom actually stop and say ohh okay he's not playing. DON'T DOWNPLAY MY FEELINGS AND DECISIONS ABOUT MY KIDS AS A MOTHER. I don't like that AT ALL.

Anyway, i'm ready to grow up and face the real world. So i've just recently for certified aS a CNA and im ready to start the rest of my adult life. i'll be 26 at the end of the month. There is this program near my house that helps single mothers. It's called Crossway Community. I can live there with the kids for a minimum or 3 years and they help with training for school/life decidons/financial lanning everything that i would need for myself and the kids as a single mother is at my feet. My own place, a school for the kids.. they also have a montessori school . Bottom line its great for me. Only reason i never bothered with it before is because i have to put the kids father on child support and my daughter's father N always threatened to take her away if i did and my son's father always said to me how are you going to get the support, "you wont be around to spend it". Ladies im sure u can read between the lines on that one. But im tired. Tired of letting my life pass me by and being left behind. I'm getting old dammit! I'm ready to be the head of my household and do things my way and just get my life together. One daddy just started a business, the daddy other is hardly there anyway & cant hold on to a job, i just can't keep letting fear get to me anymore. I want to take advantage of this program while i still can. I want to go back to school to become a health educator and if i can do all of this while i have the opportunites and resources, then thats what i want to do. i want to be taken seriously as an adult by everyone. Even if no one believes in me, i do because i know what i want. Sure it took me a while but i know now. I believe in myself, i know i can do it. I know its going to be hard but i accept that challenge. So my question is..should i go ahead with this program or stay at home and wait? Because if i stay at home and wait its going to take me 2 or 3 more years to finally get out on my own and i dont know if i can wait that long with my mother. Her and i are starting to clash A LOT. SORRY ITS SO LONG GUYS. HELP!!!

by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 10:10 AM
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by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 11:25 AM

GET OUT !!!!!!!! Run if you can.

The fact is this is your life you mother does not get a say and either do the father's of your children. You are taking action to better the living situation for them and yourself and your daughters father can take you to court and try to take her away but he has to prove to them that she is not safe in your care and I'm assuming that will be very difficult for him to do. Take the chance on this program to better your life and your children, I would not thinking about what your mother option is and the fathers of your children because at the end of the day YOU are the one that is there day in and day out so YOU are the only one that gets to decide.

by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:23 PM

You can do it girl!!!!!!! DO IT for yourself, for your children and to prove anyone who doubted you WRONG. Dont worry about the baby daddies... They helped create the children now they need to MAN UP and take care of them... the way they SHOULD be taken care of. NO judge is going to award him his child so he doesn't have to pay child support. Lazzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! And I know how u feel with no one taking u seriously as an adult. I am 30 and my family still sees me as a punk ass 18 year old. 

by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 4:10 PM
Yess i hate that @Victorious. I really appreciate what you guys said tho ur putin it even more into perspective of why and who i gotta do this for! I appreciate it :)
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by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 4:25 PM

 Go do what you think is best for you and yours. The fathers' saying those things about if you put me on child support i will get custody tell him to stick his head up  his ass because that wont happen and the other well jsut forget him pay him no mind... Better your life for your children stop letting people walk on you its not healthy for you or your kids!! Good luck mama! We were made to carry and birth children for a reason because we are strong!!!!

by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 4:26 PM

Do you think the father that threatened you is actually gonna back his word up? Find a way to get his stupid ass in jail. He thinks he's hard? Let him be hard then. What an asshole. As for the one threatening to take your child....psssssh oooookay, no judge is gonna take your baby from you unless you're a bad mom, and I'm gonna assume you aren't so let that one go.

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by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 6:53 PM
That's a great opportunity, get out and take it now!!!

As for child support, you need to
Go after both of those losers for it. A man CANNOT take away your child foraging him pay child support. He I manipulatin you and you are falling for it.
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by Silver Member on Sep. 14, 2012 at 7:04 PM

IF things between you and your mom were workable- i'd tell you to stay home. there's a few times when i had to talk with my parents about how they arent DS's parents and DS has to listen to me above all... and he still tried to go behind my back to go ask my dad, or go ask my BF when he knows i just said no... so what happened? it got DS into trouble. he went into time out, he got spankings, etc. granted- not sure how old your DD is, but DS started about 4 years old, I believe. he knows that when one adult says something, to do it- esp if its me.. and if one adult says no, then we all mean no and he WILL get in trouble for asking another one. (he can go between my dad, my BF and me)

but it doesnt seem like living with your mom is working out... so do it. take advantage of this amazing opportunity. tell them that you are wary about filing CS for DS b/c of his father's comment. DD's dad is starting a business, but that doesnt mean in the mean time, she'll stop growing, stop eating, stop needing medical attention- does it? no. life goes on, bills need to be paid and responsibility needs to be taken care of.

by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 10:55 PM

it's great you have some place to help you like that.  use it.  we don't have anything like that here. im sacricing my sanity living with my mom so lila can live in a house with her own bedroom,  since i cant afford it on my own, and trying to save up money to go back to school.  dont be afraid of filing for CS.  even if you dont get it they will still help you, they just need to know you filed.

by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 8:27 AM
I appreciate the honesty ladies. I went ahead and told my mom about it and of course she took it the wrong way and started saying some really negative things to me. Talking about how i just want to have a bunch of men over and how 'niggas define me'. Her words completely. I swear i have the most negative family!! They never say anything positive. She never asked me what i wante jUst jumps to conclusions. I let her know that i wasnt even thinking about having anyone over first of all. The only thing thats on my mind is me finally having the chance to live for me and my kids and get myself together. All that other bs hasnt even crossed my mind and this place has pretty strict rules on stuff like that anyway which i have no problem abiding to.
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by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 8:31 AM
Thank u for your words. I have been a little bit of a pushover and its not good for my kids to see because i dont want it happening to them & i dont need them to try their hand at it either cause kids will try you. I have to smh at myself.

Quoting agriff24:

 Go do what you think is best for you and yours. The fathers' saying those things about if you put me on child support i will get custody tell him to stick his head up  his ass because that wont happen and the other well jsut forget him pay him no mind... Better your life for your children stop letting people walk on you its not healthy for you or your kids!! Good luck mama! We were made to carry and birth children for a reason because we are strong!!!!

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