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I'm probably just jealous...

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:21 AM
  • 35 Replies
7.5 weeks ago I gave birth to my DD. I had a c section and was in the hospital for 4 days. I wanted to go home earlier but I had an infection so I had to stay. This was my first baby and I was in so much pain i couldnt get out of bed for 2 days after. Baby's father and I were not together but we were friends (still are) and he stayed over my house for the first weekish (I think he ended staying for almost 2 weeks), I live with my parents. The first 2 days of us being home were the longest of my life. All DD did was cry and cry and cry. Xbf would not wake up with her either. I was so exhausted and emotionally drained.

A mutual friend of ours and his gf just had a baby this week. She had a vaginal delivery and was out in2 days "feeling great".

Here's the point of this post lol:
Thier first day out of the hospital, they literally brought this newborn EVERYWHERE! I can see visiting family and what not but they brought her to the beach too (at like 10 at night). I didnt bring my Baby out until she was 4 weeks old. I made people come see me. But i was also still in a lot of pain. Everything went smoothly thier first night home but they got little sleep (typical). Day number two they had a tough time. "Baby just won't stop crying" (duh shes a newborn and probably exhausted from the day before). Because they were both "utterly exhausted" they called a friend to stay with them thier second night and take care of the baby so they could sleep all night.

Fuck that! The baby is your responsibility! If you're already callin people to take the baby over night there's something wrong with you. Maybe I'm just jealous cause I didn't get that help and I'm living at home, but c'mon! Being exhausted is all apart of the expirence. I've been exhausted for almost 2 months now!
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:21 AM
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:33 AM

When my son was born, I had a flood of family and friends who came to visit. We took the baby out to see as many family members as possible: although, DH and I kept it to one trip to somewhere and back home a day but still. DH's mom from New York (we're in GA) came down to visit and we both recognized it would probably be a year before she would be able to see my son. So, my family invited us out to dinner and we let her watch him...given it was only for an hour and a half (I couldn't stand being away without him for that long!) but still. As to the exhausted bit: I'm kind of used to it, I wasn't sleeping hardly at all when I was pregnant so I didn't really understand the problem of not sleeping, lol. DH on the other hand was always napping because he couldn't get enough rest! lol

Personally...I think you may be over reacting a bit. Every person is different...although I agree ten at night, if true, is a little late to have a baby that young out and about., but I don't see that as being detrimental to the babys health, considering they sleep thru pretty much everything at that age and a majority of it could be spent sleeping around that time. Would I personally do it? No. But to each his own.

I'm sorry you don't have anyone to help you or baby sit: I understand the want to go out and be able to have some alone time just to yourself.

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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 4:33 AM
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 I agree with the previous person, I think you're blowing it wayyy outta proportion- like you said, its probably because you ARE a little jealous that you don't have the help that she has.

I've had 3 C-sections, and have had to stay in the hospital 5 or 6 days each time (although, truth be told, the last two times, I stayed the extra day because I knew what was waiting at home for me, so that was like, a vacation for me).

Shortly after my oldest DD was born, me and my ex husband seperated and I moved back into my parents sister was living there until she left for college in the fall (my DD was born in March). I had TONS of help...there were some days I didn't see my DD all day after I came home from work, because either my mom, my dad, or my sister had her and wouldn't let go! So I really didn't raise her alone, I had a lot of help. I also got more sleep than the average new mom gets. I had a lot of help with my second DD as well, mostly from my mom.

I really didn't have to experience the restless, sleepless, long nights (and days) until I had my third DD. It was just me and her father then, and he worked 12+ hours a day, so it was mostly just me, with 2 other kids, alone all the time.

Now, I wouldn't take a newborn out in public...well, I said that until I got cabin fever with my third DD and HAD to get out of the house, but she was about a month old by that point.

You may be one of those people that handles motherhood better than someone else...then again, maybe not. I don't know, but not everyone glides into with ease, and maybe she's one of those people that needs more help.


Everyone needs some help, nobody can do it completely on their own, and that help comes in many forms. Don't knock her because she has help- its not her fault, just like its not your fault you don't (or, rather, don't have as much help as she does). It sounds like jealousy to me...that's fine to feel what you're feeling, but...I don't know. I don't understand WHY. Your life can't be her life, and vise versa. If you start that comparing what you do have to what she does have, its a trap you're setting yourself up for, and you're in for a lot more jealous moments like this one.

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 9:48 AM

I think your more jealous. Bing a parent is also about having a support system. My mom takes my 6 year old almost every saturday night. It gives us a break and her as well. My SO and i would sleep in shifts with the baby (6 months). I would take her forr a while and make sure she was feed, and she was still going nuts then I would wake him up and he would walk her and rub her back.

It worked to keep us sain. We're not complaining about being over tiered, we expected it, but if help is offered, we have no problem taking it.

I had a c-section with my first. I stayed in the hospital for about 4 days and was home sleeping for almost two weeks. I was in a bit of pain and the meds made me so sleepy. My mom helped out a bit here and there.

With the my second, I had a Vaginal delivery. I had her monday at 4am and was home tuesday evening. Everyone came to see the baby (from SO's side, my family knows I don't like people in my house) I didn't allwo anyone at the hospital because I didn't want the stress (or to get dressed lol). It was march so we wasted no time taking her out and about. The only issue I had was it burned to pee for three days or so.

You're gonna be exhusted for thenext 20 years. most parents know that and feel no shame in asking/ accepting help when its there. Don't hate others for what you don't have, it's not there fault. Hang in there.

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:00 AM
Sounds like you are jealous more than anything. I was always thankful for family after having a baby. They were very helpful coming by and lending a hand, family is there to lean on. It doesn't mean you can't do it yourself by any means.
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 1:38 PM

I had a vaginal delivery on a wednesday morning and went home thursday afternoon. Aside from some soreness, I didn't even feel like i had a baby. DH's work was really good about him getting time off so at least I had help. But we did have some visitors those first few days and that was a little more stress than I really wanted, but it wasn't too bad. I do agree with you, two days in and you call someone for help? Seriously? I can see getting help, there's nothing wrong with that at all. But if you feel like you're entitled to a full night's sleep by day 2, you're being selfish and you seriously need to adjust your expectations of parenthood. 

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 1:44 PM
I felt that way, too, when I heard my cousin had her mil getting up at night. I was a little irked because my ex didn't live with me and he didn't do anything when he was there during the day. I figure it was just my hormones because I got over it pretty quickly.
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:19 PM
It might be jealousy.

I personally didnt want help. I cant understand having other people taking care of MY baby, and missing out on precious moments. I was the only oerson who did anything. Dh helped when he was home but I bf so I had to get up at night.

As for taking baby everywhere, we dont do that..we dont take baby out period or even allow many visitors(only our parents and our grandmas and thats all limited)
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:22 PM
You sound jealous. After my friend had both of her kids, her mom stayed with her a month, each time, to help her transition into mommy hood.

Me personally, getting up in the middle of the night has never bothered me.
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:37 PM
It was just DS and I for the first 2 months (DH was deployed). I got a visitor here and there, but I was the only one taking care of him 24/7 (with the exception of a 10 minute shower while he was awake and MIL was visiting). Honestly, it was all I knew because he was my first (and still only) child, so it never bothered me. Sure, I was tired, but that comes with the territory of having a newborn. As for taking him out, I started bring him for walks through the city a couple days after we got home from the hospital because I would have gone stir-crazy. His first bus ride was when he was a week old. His first trip to the beach was at 2 weeks old. I don't really see a problem with that.
Btw, if I had anyone offer to watch him for a night soon after we got home, I probably would have accepted. I'd still have to wake up, but it would have been nice to have someone get up and bring him to me for his feedings (I bf-ed). I think it's wonderful that your friends had someone who was willing to do that for them.
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by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 2:49 PM
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Theres no need to compare births or parenting styles. Just focus on your recovery and your baby and dont mind their choices coz its their baby and their life. Im sorry youre having a rough time, but just be thankful for your blessings instead of looking at all the negative aspects. You are ok and you have a healthy baby- thats all that matters!
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