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20 Something Moms 20 Something Moms

Cutting off a Grandparent?

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:11 PM
  • 11 Replies
My dd's paternal grandma keeps bugging me to let my dd stay a few hrs or a night at her house so her bio father can see dd. I've told her I don't want to do that because dd's only met the grandma 3 times (when I call her to set it up!) and her bio father was there when she was born and thats it, she'll be 2 in 15 Days.
She doesn't know any of them very well and I'm not comfortable throwing her into that kind of situation with strangers.

Anyway if she keeps pushing the issue I'm thinking of just cutting her relationship with my dd completely off. And yes he was physically abusive and threatened my life once so I'm not kepping her from him to be a spiteful bitch. It's my job to keep her safe. I don't want to keep dd from her grandma though but she WILL NOT drop this issue.

I guess I'm just venting lol It's something I will do if I have to but dont want to :/
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by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsDurrett
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:15 PM

 I would say that you are doing the right thing by keeping her away. If he was physically abusive to you, no telling what he would do to the poor baby without her being able to defend herself. In 2 years shes only seen her 3 times, thats no kind of grandma. I would just cut off contact, because obviously she only wants to be a grandma when she feels like it, i am sorry that you are going through this, your daughter defaintly deserves better.

notjstanothrmom
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:17 PM

Have you come out and told her your concerns? Why not try to build a better relationship and set up times that they can get together and play?

feliciasmith
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:36 PM
I know! My mom is afraid of letting her be alone with him until she can start talking better, right now she has no way to let me know if he hits her or if something terrible happens. My dd already has an amazing daddy and 2 grammies, I thought it would be good for her to see her bio dads family but I'm realizing it's not! It's not even him trying it's his mom, I'm sure I won't hear anything from him until my dh starts the step parent adoption.


Quoting MrsDurrett:

 I would say that you are doing the right thing by keeping her away. If he was physically abusive to you, no telling what he would do to the poor baby without her being able to defend herself. In 2 years shes only seen her 3 times, thats no kind of grandma. I would just cut off contact, because obviously she only wants to be a grandma when she feels like it, i am sorry that you are going through this, your daughter defaintly deserves better.


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aidenmomplus4
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Did you already explain this to her, just tell her straight forward, that you will not agree to any of that until you feel comfortable and that may take years concerning the history of abuse. She either jumps on board or steps aside.  Sorry. 

VictoriousTory
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:22 PM

If she really wanted to be a grandma... she would have been there for the baby long before this. Sounds like her son is putting her up to it. I wou;d say if she wants more to do with the baby have her go to court. 

Firenygirl180
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:29 PM

I agree with your concerns and they are justified. Maybe you could set up an afternoon at a playground with them so you can be there to observe, but they can play with her and get to know her better?  

I know she hasn't been around and neither has her son, but she is trying now and it might be good to just see how everyone interacts with each other.  Of course if they want anything permanent or without you there they will have to go to court.  

crissydancer05
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:34 PM
Just a couple ideas to through out there...either she comes over to your house if she wants to see her granddaughter so badly or most counties have a surprervised visitation thing where the child is never left alone with someone.
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feliciasmith
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:48 PM
Yeah he only wants to see dd without me and grandma keeps saying she wants to take her without me even after I've told her no.


Quoting Firenygirl180:

I agree with your concerns and they are justified. Maybe you could set up an afternoon at a playground with them so you can be there to observe, but they can play with her and get to know her better?  

I know she hasn't been around and neither has her son, but she is trying now and it might be good to just see how everyone interacts with each other.  Of course if they want anything permanent or without you there they will have to go to court.  


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TempestRayne
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 6:20 PM
Tell them no. You are her mom. What you say, goes.
mommieof3_752
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 6:46 PM

It doesnt sound at all like your being spiteful. My husbands mother has absoulutly nothing at all to do with our 3, for a very good reason, you can read my posts to learn more about that....its a long story. But I think b4 you cut her off, tell her that if she wants to be a part of her life then she needs to drop it. They should feel blessed that you are letting any of them around her....since you stated you have been the one to set up the 3 times she has seen them in the past 2 yrs. It doesnt really saound like any of them play a significant part in her life, so I wouldnt be to worried about it causeing stress or sadness in your daughter. If you do decide to cut them off, you may want to do it sooner rather then later. Your daughter is only 2 so it will be easier for her the younger you do this. She has a chance to forget certian things. I hope you are able to make the best choice for you and your daughter. But it sounds like you are making the right choice to me. You dont want any dangerous people around your baby w\o you there to watch over her. I dont think I would ever trust anyone who hit me or threatened my life around my child. Good Luck Mama. Just take your time and try to talk to her first. Let her know this will not happen, so just stop pushing it on you......I imagine it is very uncomfortable when she asks.

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