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Here goes nothing.... :)

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:02 PM
  • 7 Replies

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting about my situation but here goes nothing! At this point I think its time for me to seek support and I look forward to reading about how other women cope with being a second wife and stepmom!

I am not a second wife yet but pretty much there as I have been a stepmom for the last 3 1/2 years and we live our lives as a married couple. I know I choose this life and I hate to compain but you can't really know what it will bring until you live it right!

 My step children are about to be 6 years old, twin boys, who were only 2 1/2 when I came into their lives. I have grown to love them and they do not remember their lives to be any different from what it is now which makes things a bit easier. We are definitely happy most of the time but our biggest struggle is the dealing with his ex...... I mean you have to know something is wrong when everyone you meet that knows her has something horrible to say about her right, maybe I shouldnt have taken those warnings lightly....

 This women is extremely bi polar, you never know when she is going to be kissing your a** to get a favor or freaking out on you bc she doesnt get her way.  They were only married bc she got pregnant and it soon ended because she had an affair with a married man...who she is still with. They both act like they have presidence over our parenting choices and she never consults any major decisions with their father, my bf, about anything important like schooling. But she expects us to pay for private school and every million activity she signs them up for without asking us. If we try to fight her on anything she threatens to file contempt of court because she is a spoiled brat and her parents cover all of her court costs which has left us in major debt and unable to modifiy any court orders.

I feel like she finds anyway possible to stalk me out to see what we are doing in our lives. We bought our first home this year...under my name only of course so she cant take it away from us......this home greatly lowered our living costs but she didnt see it that way.....I posted a picture of our home, which I worked my a** off to get on facebook to my family and friends and somehow she hacked her way into seeing it....then the texts and phone calls came flipping out. I just bought a car for myself and I feel like I cant enjoy it bc I know as soon as she see what I have she will cause another fight with him. Over what ...who knows? Its our lives and our business and she gets her check every month so what her problem is ...who knows. She is definitely one of those people who cant stand to see anyone else happy and does everything she can to make lives around her miserable. I could be here for days telling you all the stupid sh*t she pulls to prevent us from moving forward in our lives.

I played ball in the begining, I was kind and respectful and have always treated her kids with love. I even entertained the requests and little digs she would throw at me. I cant do it anymore. She has the nerve to text me the other day after we havent spoken in about 7 months to give me a parenting request...... But not one word was sent to their father about it so I know it wasnt that important to her, she just wanted to find a reason to have power over me. Lately I have been getting anxiety over it all...Im worried what she will try to do next. I feel like I cant talk about it anymore with my bf bc he just brushes it off but he doesnt realize how hard this is for a women. I am good person and I will continue to be but where is my breaking point? How much sh*t do you take before you finally put your foot down or lose your mind.  What really bothers me is that lately she has been texting my bf about stuff that has nothing to do with the kids, trying to be funny and he never entertains it but this women always has a reason for the things she does and i cant help but worry about what she is up to next.

The only way I have been able to cope with this the last few years is to try to not think about it ....but I cant live my life in denial. I need to find a way to feel better about my future, right now I'm so scared I'm choosing the hardest path. I cant spend the rest of my life in fear of what this women will do to ruin everything Ive worked so hard for. The only person who is going to put my needs first is me, if anyone has any advice please share!

Thank you,

Christina

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:02 PM
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Replies (1-7):
LuLuRex
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:11 PM

I think in this situation your bf needs to be the one to talk and/or deal with her. Good luck, it's definitely a tough situation you're in ((hugs))

amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 2:19 PM

Welcome to the group Christina!

Do NOT let this other woman make you feel guilty for working hard to have a nice home and a car and other things.  You HAVE worked hard for them and have no reason to let her make you feel bad for it.

It sounds to me like she is very insecure.

Reina13
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:48 AM

Hello Christina and welcome.

You have every right to feel proud of your accomplishments, be it a new home or a new car. She sounds like one of those people who are miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable too. I don't have any advice on how to deal with her because I have not been in your situation, but good luck in what ever path you choose.



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itsblissmas
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:58 PM

I have not been in your situation so I can't give much advice there. However, I agree that your man should be the one to deal with her. Maybe try that and see how it goes. Good luck!

bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:26 PM

 I second this and agree that you should check out that Stepmom Central group, too, for more advice and support. ((HUGS))

Quoting amonkeymom:

Welcome to the group Christina!

Do NOT let this other woman make you feel guilty for working hard to have a nice home and a car and other things.  You HAVE worked hard for them and have no reason to let her make you feel bad for it.

It sounds to me like she is very insecure.

 
**Chat with us ANONYMOUSLY!**



tinab989
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:17 AM

Thank you for the replies Ladies! I will be strong and get through this !

VictoriousTory
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:35 AM

I have never been in a situation like this.... But heres my advise... it seems like she is a hater. And as we all know, haters gonna hate. So brush off her negative comments abut your house and car... She's just mad she doesn't have the same thin. If you are tired of ebing pushed around, I would do something about it! It seems like your BF doesn't want to deal with it, and if you rely on waiting for him to do something you might get even more tired and frustrated.. I would ask her to have a sit down with you.... and lay out all the stuff you want to tell her. But don't involve the kids or your ex... that's for your ex to deal with himself. Just tell her that even if she's not hppy that he has moved on, she is going to have to put on her big girl panties and deal with it because you aren't going anywhere.. Point out the fact that you have been nothing but nice and respectful to her and feel like she should treat you the same way. Also just let her know that this has been bothering you for awhile, and as adults you felt that you could go to her and tell her all this straight to her face. I would try to use "I" statements and not to put any blame on her or accuse her of anything... that will just most likely end up starting a huge fight. Tell her tho that you are doing this because you love the kids and want to make it a peaceful happy situation for them to grow up in. Encourage your BF to air out his grievences with her too... that way there isn't any negative vibes on your part or his and you put the ball in her court to move on. If she doesn't at least you could say you tried!!! Good luck momma!! 

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