Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help, Advice, Anything!

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:04 PM
  • 15 Replies

I'll try to sum this up as quickly as possible:

  • My husband and I have a 2 year old son
  • We both want a big family in the future
  • We want our son to have a sibling close in age
  • We have a stable home with good work 

Ok, so in the middle of October, as we got close to our son's 2nd birthday, my husband and I started talking about me getting off the pill and taking the "we'll see what happens" approach to TTC... like, we weren't trying, but we weren't trying NOT to have a baby. I've been off the pill since the end of October and we've been trying/ not trying since then.

So. Today we went to my doctor and I was telling her about how we were TTC and he looked uneasy. After the appointment, I asked him what was wrong. He said he was having second thoughts about trying; how working 10 hour days (from 3:30pm-2am) made him realize that it was going to be hard with a newborn to get the sleep he needs. So he basically told me that he doesn't want another baby right now... juuuust before my ovulation/ high fertility week.

I'm having mixed feelings about this: I'm glad he told me NOW before I actually got pregnant and then had him decide that he didn't want another baby and then resented me for it. But I was also getting excited for another baby! I was all excited for my son to have a sibling and grow up with a brother or sister. We even came up with names together! I feel kinda dumb; I've been telling doctors, relatives, and friends that we're trying. And now we're not....

Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal wit this situation? Any feedback here? I'm just really confused and I don't know how I should feel here. 

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:04 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
noahmommie2012
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:08 PM
im kinda in that smae spot. my hubby is 42 years old and im abotut o be 22 and i want another one but he dont. i dont think it right that i cant have 2 kids of my own due to the fact he has 2 older ones and our baby we had 10 months ago. when he ready hun he will tell you.
siera20
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:32 PM

I feel ya! I guess just look at it as if you had gotten pregnant how stressed the both of you would be.. I can see his point with his work hours, but I can relate with you on wanting another baby. When the time is right it will happen. Late work hours and a newborn is a hard mix.. do'able but stressful. I say talk with him more about it.

mcvencil
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:25 AM

I know that the long hours and a newborn are hard.. he had the same job when our son was born! And the 10 hour days are occassional for overtime. So I feel like this might just be a convenient excuse for a deeper rooted problem. Either way, I'm just glad that someone else feels my pain here; I feel like having another baby now is ideal so our son can experience having a baby sibling and then growing up with them. Hopefully talking helps one of us accept the other's perspective. :/

Quoting siera20:

I feel ya! I guess just look at it as if you had gotten pregnant how stressed the both of you would be.. I can see his point with his work hours, but I can relate with you on wanting another baby. When the time is right it will happen. Late work hours and a newborn is a hard mix.. do'able but stressful. I say talk with him more about it.


Lovingmommy1028
Report
Have a marvelous day
17 minutes ago
by Vanessa on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:02 PM

oh i am sorry your feeling this way i hope it gets better for you 

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:47 PM

i have a 2 year old & almost 7 week old and i wish i would have  waited until my son was 3 and  out of diapers.

alison35
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 3:36 PM
I think you may be over analyzing a bit. Yes it's going to be hard, but 2nd thoughts doesn't mean no. Men don't speak in code like women. Don't freak out until he says "I don't want to have another baby." Good luck :)
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
akanini
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 3:56 PM

I'm the one who wants to wait a but longer for the second and he is ready now. I know I am the one who will shoudler most of the new responsibility even though he says differently, I see how things have been with our first and it is hard.. he helps a lot, but I still have the main responsibility and take care of our son more than he does but we both work similar hours. I know he feels like I'm saying no but I am really just saying now right now this month. I really do want to have a second, but just wait a little longer so that we will be more prepared and in a better situation to handle the change. It is frusterating for me that he doesn't get that and hears no and that I must not really love him enough.

babygrashopper
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:19 PM

have u both talked it out together does he know ur opinion my hubby didn't till i voise my opinion

Byrd15
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:22 PM

You dont get sleep with newborns, no matter what job you work... I'd be upset, but I know TTC should be taken lightly or done if one person isnt 100%. 

Time to sit down and have a REAL talk about it. 

Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers


Lilypie Maternity tickers

snackcakes
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:24 PM

Hey there! Well I honestly think you should sit down with him and ask him flat out "should we wait or should we try?" He may not give you a definite yes or no because he doesnt want to hurt your feelings, but if he dances around the subject, that pretty much means no. I know it may seem unfair that you have to put your happiness and excitement on hold because his feelings changed, but he is your husband, not someone you share a room with, you both need to be on the same page especially when it comes to expanding your family. Plus, its ok to wait a little while longer, your still young and he wont be working 3:30pm to 2 am forever, eventually life changes. Good luck! good

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)