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what would you do? kinda long piog

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:56 AM
  • 8 Replies


ok so my bf has full custody of his almost 5 yr old dd and during the week she is with us cuz shes in preschool and then his grandparents take her for the weekend.. we've been together for a little over a yr and weve lived together since feb. and my bf works anywhere from 40-53 hrs a week so before we met his grandparents watched his dd for him and they are horrible! they let her talk to them however she wants to, they dont make her eat real food, if she doesnt want to eat they let her fill up on candy, and now on top of all that when shes there they tell her over and over that she doesnt have to listen to me.. i have done nothing but try to be a good partner for my bf and a good mother figure for his dd.. but for some damn reason they dont think thats good enough and tell her that she doesnt have to listen to me and all that crap! my bf says that if she gives me any problems to just set her straight and whatever but i dont think thats fair to me or her! i feel his grandparents need to watch what they say to her or she doesnt need to go over there for awhile.. sorry this is so long i just needed to get it out lol

by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:56 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Mommy4-27-08
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:39 PM
Hmm, why do the grandparents have her every weekend? Maybe it is time to start cutting that back unless it is totally needed.
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PeaceMuch
by Kali on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:42 PM
I would probably keep the kids on the weekend unless needed.
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trishasjunebug
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 4:02 PM

I wouldn't let them go to the grandparents anymore! I would find someone else to watch them when needed..

TempestRayne
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 4:44 PM



Quoting trishasjunebug:

I wouldn't let them go to the grandparents anymore! I would find someone else to watch them when needed..


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MissMal1
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:59 PM


Quoting trishasjunebug:

I wouldn't let them go to the grandparents anymore! I would find someone else to watch them when needed..


Agreed, at least for a few weekends. Then HE needs to talk to them and let them know that you are BOTH raising this child and that they aren't helping at all when they tell her things like that. He should also let them know that if you are willing to, and trying to be a mom to this little girl, they have absolutely no right to discourage that. Then let them know that if they are not going to support your wishes, you will not be able to give them as much time with her.

kary1124
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:05 AM

thanks ladies! yea shes staying home this weekend..

kary1124
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:07 AM

the only reason they have her every weekend is cuz they want to see her.. but yea im pushing for it to be cut back.. one for the way she acts when she goes over and two so my bf gets to spend more time with her cuz he work a lot

Quoting Mommy4-27-08:

Hmm, why do the grandparents have her every weekend? Maybe it is time to start cutting that back unless it is totally needed.


Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:55 AM

you need to talk with him about it. although, i will admit- i dont agree with somebody only being there for a year and trying to take on the parental roles... but thats just me... and i WILL admit that no matter what- you are an adult and she needs to at the very least, respect that boundary and listen to you.

after you talk with BF about it... he needs to talk to his daughter. no, she doesnt need to view or call you 'mom' but she does need to view you as an authority figure, she needs to listen to you, etc.

then he needs to go to his grandparents- they need to step down. they are doing her a great disservice by telling her not to listen to you. does that mean she wont have to listen to her teachers? friends parents? police? at what point does the 'you dont have to listen to her' line end, ya know.


maybe for the next few weeks, see if BF is willing to let you keep his DD. not sure if he works during those days a lot, hence why she's over there or what.... but it'll give you and his DD some time to bond together. keep the boundaries there, but for now, be a friend to her. her dad will have to talk with her about whats appropriate, acceptable and what'll happen if she misbehaves (the boundaries)... you-- just have fun with her!

i was with my last BF (just broke up around thanksgiving) for almost 5 years. it took a while for my son (who was 2/3 years old) for them to form the father/son relationship (my son's father is not involved at all)... it starts out as being friends, buddy-buddy in a way... then slowly, the adult can expect certain things (BF used to say, 'listen to your mom... you know whats expected of you... you know you arent supposed to do that'), and eventually it grows to where the adult can make requests from the child with punishment if not followed through (do not throw your food or you will go into time out.... if you dont clean up your toys, i will take them away), etc.... as the relationship builds, the trust builds... be sure to give 3 times the amount of praise than you do the punishment.

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