My husband and I have been together for 10 months, married for 2.5 weeks. I recently found out that back in July, right after we found out we were pregnant, he had signed up for and subsequently deleted his account on a "free live sex chat" website. I've confronted him about it, devastated and hurt because while I generally don't have a problem with porn, I have a big problem with him suddenly deciding that he needed anonymous live models more than he needed me. DH insists that it means nothing, that he was just horny that night while I was away at work and he got carried away. He says that he never even used the site and deactivated it within a few minutes of signing up because he realized it was a waste of time.
We've been through this a hundred times. I can't get the image of this website out of my head, and I can't get past the fact that he wanted strangers more than me. Not to mention the behind my back part of it, when I have always been up front with him and told him flat-out that I watch porn and masturbate because I miss him, and our sex life is seriously lacking since pregnancy.
Last night, he came to me in actual tears after apparently seeing something I wrote in my journal about all of it, and he begged me to tell him how he could fix everything. The problem is, I don't know. I love him more than anything in the world, and I'm desperate for him to want me again. I don't know how to get past the idea that he needed something more than me, right after finding out I was pregnant, no less (how's THAT for a shot to the already hormonal ego?) and then hasn't really wanted me for months. Still doesn't. I don't know what to tell him because I don't know how to get over it and forgive an "indescretion" that clearly pointed to him wanting a different woman.
It just makes it twenty times harder that he's obviously remorseful and wants to fix it. I feel like we need counseling.
I know it's going to be easy to judge me here, but please try to be serious... have you ever dealt with this? How do you move past your husband wanting another person, whether he actually cheated or just looked for porn stars? I just have been cheated on and betrayed so many times in the past that even with the world's most perfect, loving, affectionate, supportive man, I STILL have trust issues.
I don't want to care about this stupid porn site anymore. I don't want to hurt *him* anymore, and I don't want to waste any more of our time together distrusting him mostly because of a painful personal history. Any serious advice or sharing of similar personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.