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uhhh i need help :/

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:51 AM
  • 18 Replies

first of all thanks for reading this!

i am having some serious relationship issues.  backstory is my bf of 1.5 yrs and i have a 2 month old baby who is absoloutely perfect, best thing ever.  the problem is my bf and i get into horrible fights, mostly stemming from him not helping or from him doing something bad or saying something bad or me being a bitch, hormonal or tired...i know its my fault a lot of times, i really hope if i work on me and get better that everything wil be perfect.  but i just dont know what to do, i am a horrible person sometimes, i get in bad moods and i cuss so much, how do i get better, i hate him so much, i want my old life back, i tried to leave him so many times before we had the baby but were so passionate, the makeups were always so sweet i am addicted to him and it hurts so bad.  i want to make it work but i feel so trapped.  i dont want to be a sahm but thats what he wants and im exclusively breastfeeding right now.  wtf why is life so hard, i knew i wasnt ready for this but theres no way i could abort.  i moved to miami with him and i miss my family and support system.  im lonely and angry, what do i do??  he is the same as always, makes really horrible jokes but i can handle that, i dont know why i hate/love him so much am i crazy?? i just look at my life and blame him when really i have it pretty great...how do i get better so my life can be better? i used to be so positive but i feel like he drained me of that.  hes really negative about certain things...

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Unoriginal.
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:00 AM
3 moms liked this

Sounds toxic as hell.

Time to move back to where your family is.

jupiter5
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:03 AM

maybe i should name the good things he does...cooks every day and cleans the kitchen, takes care of the bby when hes home, works hard to support us, umm never tries to leave even when i say heinous things to him... i think thats it, he didnt get me anything for christmas =[  i know thats shallow but  it hurt

jupiter5
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:05 AM

he ran out of time...but he always has time for himself, he wants me to pick up after him like his mom does, she babied the hell out of him, hes spoiled selfish and arrogant, he doesnt care about others it shows in his actions

Unoriginal.
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:11 AM

Doesnt really matter what "good" things he does. You said you hate him. You can't live with someone you hate and expect to get along and be a happy family.

If he's a good dad and your family is far away, try to stay close then. Get a job, get your own place.

brittanyjenean
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:11 AM
Your post completely contradicted your comments. You said he never helps in your post and yet list all of the things he does in your comment.

But anyway, like someone once told me: You aren't a tree. You don't have to remain rooted to one spot. You can change your life whenever you like. The decision is up to you.

Do you attend church? If not, might I suggest giving it a try. Having God in your life can help better you.

As for your relationship, all relationships have their ups and their downs. One of the main things to remember is to not sweat the small stuff, choose your battles, and walk away when you're angry after calmly saying you would like to discuss the issue later when you're both calm and level-headed. Relationships take work, after all, Rome was not built in a day.
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jupiter5
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:16 AM

thank you! i wrote this crying and i dint proof read i should have said he doesnt help with any housework except the kitchen because he loves cooking and eating. 

i realy want to go to church i feel it would help a lot but we havent been able to go because of his work.  im going this week even if its just me and the  baby.  i always lose my temper, its like i phase out and this beast appears, i speak sometimes purefly reflexive and i dont even know what i am saying until its too late.  i make myself the bad guy which is so stupid and makes everything so much worse. maybe church and or bible sytudy will help

Quoting brittanyjenean:

Your post completely contradicted your comments. You said he never helps in your post and yet list all of the things he does in your comment.

But anyway, like someone once told me: You aren't a tree. You don't have to remain rooted to one spot. You can change your life whenever you like. The decision is up to you.

Do you attend church? If not, might I suggest giving it a try. Having God in your life can help better you.

As for your relationship, all relationships have their ups and their downs. One of the main things to remember is to not sweat the small stuff, choose your battles, and walk away when you're angry after calmly saying you would like to discuss the issue later when you're both calm and level-headed. Relationships take work, after all, Rome was not built in a day.


jupiter5
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:17 AM

im not ready for that, thanks though

Quoting Unoriginal.:

Doesnt really matter what "good" things he does. You said you hate him. You can't live with someone you hate and expect to get along and be a happy family.

If he's a good dad and your family is far away, try to stay close then. Get a job, get your own place.


brittanyjenean
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:30 AM
My DH does not attend church with me. After our miscarriage earlier in 2012, I knew I needed God and I am thankful that I went back. God has helped to navigate me through some tough times. We have to remember that it's God-Man-Woman in the bible. (There is a reason the divorce rate was so low back in the old days.)

Perhaps you could also find an anger management course to take. Have you tried talking to your SO about how you feel? Men are not mind readers and often when you yourself are angry it will only boil their blood. How were things before you gave birth? Were they great, bad, the same? You also must bear in mind that your body is still changing and will continue to change. Have you two been intimate since you were given the all clear? Have you tried to partake in something that will help you relax like a bubble bath or a book? My DD's father never helped and the only relief I could often find was in reading or writing. In other words, when your baby is napping, have some you time because you might need it.


Quoting jupiter5:

thank you! i wrote this crying and i dint proof read i should have said he doesnt help with any housework except the kitchen because he loves cooking and eating. 

i realy want to go to church i feel it would help a lot but we havent been able to go because of his work.  im going this week even if its just me and the  baby.  i always lose my temper, its like i phase out and this beast appears, i speak sometimes purefly reflexive and i dont even know what i am saying until its too late.  i make myself the bad guy which is so stupid and makes everything so much worse. maybe church and or bible sytudy will help


Quoting brittanyjenean:

Your post completely contradicted your comments. You said he never helps in your post and yet list all of the things he does in your comment.



But anyway, like someone once told me: You aren't a tree. You don't have to remain rooted to one spot. You can change your life whenever you like. The decision is up to you.



Do you attend church? If not, might I suggest giving it a try. Having God in your life can help better you.



As for your relationship, all relationships have their ups and their downs. One of the main things to remember is to not sweat the small stuff, choose your battles, and walk away when you're angry after calmly saying you would like to discuss the issue later when you're both calm and level-headed. Relationships take work, after all, Rome was not built in a day.



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jupiter5
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:39 AM

i am so sorry to hear that.   

ilove god but i need to learn so much more i havent gone to church in years. 

anger mgmt might be a really good idea i hate having to go but i think i need it, i hope if i try to change he will too.  before things were worse, i hated being pregnant and i was terrified, i have always been crazy hormonal, first bc then pregnancy, i feel like i might be starting to even out.  maybe not =[  we are intimate and its great but after its the same, i think i get a lot of me time while baby bf i do stuff just for fun, books and computer stuff.  i am going to join a bible study.  thank you so much for your help

Quoting brittanyjenean:

My DH does not attend church with me. After our miscarriage earlier in 2012, I knew I needed God and I am thankful that I went back. God has helped to navigate me through some tough times. We have to remember that it's God-Man-Woman in the bible. (There is a reason the divorce rate was so low back in the old days.)

Perhaps you could also find an anger management course to take. Have you tried talking to your SO about how you feel? Men are not mind readers and often when you yourself are angry it will only boil their blood. How were things before you gave birth? Were they great, bad, the same? You also must bear in mind that your body is still changing and will continue to change. Have you two been intimate since you were given the all clear? Have you tried to partake in something that will help you relax like a bubble bath or a book? My DD's father never helped and the only relief I could often find was in reading or writing. In other words, when your baby is napping, have some you time because you might need it.


Quoting jupiter5:

thank you! i wrote this crying and i dint proof read i should have said he doesnt help with any housework except the kitchen because he loves cooking and eating. 

i realy want to go to church i feel it would help a lot but we havent been able to go because of his work.  im going this week even if its just me and the  baby.  i always lose my temper, its like i phase out and this beast appears, i speak sometimes purefly reflexive and i dont even know what i am saying until its too late.  i make myself the bad guy which is so stupid and makes everything so much worse. maybe church and or bible sytudy will help


Quoting brittanyjenean:

Your post completely contradicted your comments. You said he never helps in your post and yet list all of the things he does in your comment.



But anyway, like someone once told me: You aren't a tree. You don't have to remain rooted to one spot. You can change your life whenever you like. The decision is up to you.



Do you attend church? If not, might I suggest giving it a try. Having God in your life can help better you.



As for your relationship, all relationships have their ups and their downs. One of the main things to remember is to not sweat the small stuff, choose your battles, and walk away when you're angry after calmly saying you would like to discuss the issue later when you're both calm and level-headed. Relationships take work, after all, Rome was not built in a day.




brittanyjenean
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:47 AM
No problem. I just hope you do remember that there are some relationships that just do not work. Having a baby does not always make things better. You should try reading the book The Love Dare. It's really great, as is the movie Fireproof. It's a forty day challenge for those who are in a similar situation such as yourself.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me. I'll do my best to answer any questions you might have or lend an ear if you need to vent.


Btw, you don't have to apologize. I have made my peace with it. Besides, God needed that little one far more than I did but He did send me another angel. We found out December 12th that we are expecting. Everything happens for a reason. :)


Quoting jupiter5:

i am so sorry to hear that.   

ilove god but i need to learn so much more i havent gone to church in years. 

anger mgmt might be a really good idea i hate having to go but i think i need it, i hope if i try to change he will too.  before things were worse, i hated being pregnant and i was terrified, i have always been crazy hormonal, first bc then pregnancy, i feel like i might be starting to even out.  maybe not =[  we are intimate and its great but after its the same, i think i get a lot of me time while baby bf i do stuff just for fun, books and computer stuff.  i am going to join a bible study.  thank you so much for your help


Quoting brittanyjenean:

My DH does not attend church with me. After our miscarriage earlier in 2012, I knew I needed God and I am thankful that I went back. God has helped to navigate me through some tough times. We have to remember that it's God-Man-Woman in the bible. (There is a reason the divorce rate was so low back in the old days.)



Perhaps you could also find an anger management course to take. Have you tried talking to your SO about how you feel? Men are not mind readers and often when you yourself are angry it will only boil their blood. How were things before you gave birth? Were they great, bad, the same? You also must bear in mind that your body is still changing and will continue to change. Have you two been intimate since you were given the all clear? Have you tried to partake in something that will help you relax like a bubble bath or a book? My DD's father never helped and the only relief I could often find was in reading or writing. In other words, when your baby is napping, have some you time because you might need it.





Quoting jupiter5:

thank you! i wrote this crying and i dint proof read i should have said he doesnt help with any housework except the kitchen because he loves cooking and eating. 

i realy want to go to church i feel it would help a lot but we havent been able to go because of his work.  im going this week even if its just me and the  baby.  i always lose my temper, its like i phase out and this beast appears, i speak sometimes purefly reflexive and i dont even know what i am saying until its too late.  i make myself the bad guy which is so stupid and makes everything so much worse. maybe church and or bible sytudy will help



Quoting brittanyjenean:

Your post completely contradicted your comments. You said he never helps in your post and yet list all of the things he does in your comment.





But anyway, like someone once told me: You aren't a tree. You don't have to remain rooted to one spot. You can change your life whenever you like. The decision is up to you.





Do you attend church? If not, might I suggest giving it a try. Having God in your life can help better you.





As for your relationship, all relationships have their ups and their downs. One of the main things to remember is to not sweat the small stuff, choose your battles, and walk away when you're angry after calmly saying you would like to discuss the issue later when you're both calm and level-headed. Relationships take work, after all, Rome was not built in a day.






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