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If i dont do it myself it doesnt get done! (vent.. EDT no so pissed but guilty)

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:13 AM
  • 13 Replies

Dh has been on my sh*t list lately. I know the mc and d&c was hard on both of us. Dh for the last 2 days has been hocked up on xannax because he "needs to get some sleep" ugh whate ever! we had a hugh fight last night and I said some pretty hurtful remarks and Idk. We are playing nice and I apologized for being out of line and we are back on "i love you terms". But i know i hurt him. I did feel bad until...

ds is 5y and in Kindergarten. Hes had the sniffles and a cough on and off this whole winter. I brough him to the dr at the end of november and the doc said to just keep giving him the claritin and the otc medicine. The first question she asked me was if he was in school. When i said yes, she said there is nothing we could do. Its all the germy little fingers in his class. And to just wait it out.

The cough went away for the most part with a little dry itchy throat here and there. Now since he went back to school after xmas break the cough has gotten bad again. So i want to make another appt. They dont have appts availble til monday, but said i could bring him as a walk in today anytime, we will just have to wait a little bit. I AM AT WORK! i called dh and told him to pull ds out fo school at 12 and take him to the dr's. So dh tells me that "Cant i do it tomorrow?" and i said that ds needs to go see the dr. no take him today. so then he says that he will "see how he feels at 12 if he will take him"!

Am i really going to have to leave work and take to take the baby to the dr. I am so fricken frustrated. I cant afford the time off. He is home!!! I know we are both dealing with a loss right now. And dh has been the most supportive until the night before last when his sister handed him the pills to help him sleep and he though "eff it i will take them all"! I know he is greiving too but he is being such an ass! Im so mad!

EDIT: now mainly i just feel real guilty about the fight we had. I think i was too harsh by calling him a dope head and compaing him to a drug addict. I have been trying to call him but hes not answering. I know i crossed the line with some of my remarks. I left for work mad at the whole dr. thing, and still a little mad from last night. But now that i have been sitting in my office alone with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. I feel so bad. I appologized and he accepted my appology, but I dont know if my words caused permanent damage in our relationship. We have a wonderful marriage, but between the mc, the fight and both of our emotions running high i dont know if we can recover. I feel so guilty

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:28 PM

he isnt coping well at all. you sound like you are grieving but realize that the world can't stop. :/ I am so sorry.

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:33 PM

 I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with you, grieving doesn't mean you get a free pass on other responsibilities.


by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 1:56 PM

hugs I'm so sorry for your loss. Like the others, I don't think grieving means you get a free pass on other duties and responsibilities - as much as it feels like it should, the world doesn't stop when you lose someone you love. He needs to realize that and man up.

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by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 2:14 PM

i am sorry for your loss i went through that 5 times and my dh still dosnt help enouigh

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 5:47 PM
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Guys really do operate differently than women and it may just take him some time to process the fight and the apology.  You have a lot of stressful things happening in your relationship right now and need to find a way to process them.  Usually I find the best way to do so is to just be honest when discussing and try your very best not to get too hurtful.  Sounds like you need a follow up conversation to the fight if he's up for it, if he's not, he really may have processed it already and it's guilt you're holding on to only.  A lot of times I have to ask myself with my dh - is it not ok because it's not done, or it's not done the way I would do it?  If it's getting done, but differently than I do it - yes it usually irritates me, but I've learned to let those go a little more.  If that makes sense.

Good luck - and sorry about your loss.

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 6:08 PM
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Go home and give him a hug. All marriages have dark days. You'll get past this. Just be careful with saying things out of anger in the future. It sounds like he's just trying to figure out how to cope.

Hugs mama! You're going to be ok.
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 6:20 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss. You're both grieving. It will take time but you both know that your emotions tend to get the better of you during hard times. This is a hard time. You'll get through it, and your marriage will get stronger for it. Sometimes all you need is a little time outside of the fight to think about what you really want to say to each other.
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:04 PM

I think mine would act the same way.  It might be helpful to tell him that your sorry, and then discuss both of you having a little space for a while.  Just don't force getting things back to normal, it sounds like both of you handle grief differently, so you need your space to feel better about yourselves before you can expect your relationship to be happy again.

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 4:39 PM
Have your little Guy referred to an allergy/asthma specialist.
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 4:41 PM
And your Dh shouldn't be taking meds that weren't perscribed to him. He can get in to trouble if he is found out, and so can his sis.
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