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Feeling very helpless

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:09 AM
  • 8 Replies
A very dear friend who is also the man I happen to be falling in love with is dealing with his father in the hospital very ill and possibly could pass away soon. My friend has never really had to deal with this type of situation, I have felt with many family members deaths but I don't know how to help him through this, I will be there for him when he needs me but I just don't know what to do. I met his father when I was fairly young but it had been years since I had even seen this man. We have reconnected and are slowly getting to know each other again seeing as I was just the annoying little sister at the time we knew each other. I haven't had the chance to re-meet his father since we started talking a few months ago. I want to meet him but I know now is not a good time and I may not get the chance. I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry for that I just don't know what I can do and I hate that feeling.


*edit*

His father passed away last night, I guess all I can do now is be there for him when he needs me. I know it's going to be hard on him.
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by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:09 AM
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Replies (1-8):
frndlyfn
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:30 AM

Has he gone to visit his father?  Perhaps go with him one time and tell the elder how you remember his kindness when you were younger.

scarletdancer11
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:35 AM
He's at the hospital now, I can't go because my daughter is in bed and I can't get anyone at this hour to come watch her. I went to the nursing home with him last week and his father didn't want us to see him, he's kind of stubborn and doesn't like people to see him this way.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Has he gone to visit his father?  Perhaps go with him one time and tell the elder how you remember his kindness when you were younger.

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frndlyfn
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:47 AM

Having watched many of my loved ones die of sickness, I understand the feeling of not wanting to be seen.  I think for now the best you can do is just be there for when he wants to talk or needs a strong firm hug.


Quoting scarletdancer11:

He's at the hospital now, I can't go because my daughter is in bed and I can't get anyone at this hour to come watch her. I went to the nursing home with him last week and his father didn't want us to see him, he's kind of stubborn and doesn't like people to see him this way.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Has he gone to visit his father?  Perhaps go with him one time and tell the elder how you remember his kindness when you were younger.



scarletdancer11
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:50 AM
I do understand it, but it's hard for me to stand back and do nothing but wait. Thank you for your kind words

Quoting frndlyfn:

Having watched many of my loved ones die of sickness, I understand the feeling of not wanting to be seen.  I think for now the best you can do is just be there for when he wants to talk or needs a strong firm hug.



Quoting scarletdancer11:

He's at the hospital now, I can't go because my daughter is in bed and I can't get anyone at this hour to come watch her. I went to the nursing home with him last week and his father didn't want us to see him, he's kind of stubborn and doesn't like people to see him this way.



Quoting frndlyfn:

Has he gone to visit his father?  Perhaps go with him one time and tell the elder how you remember his kindness when you were younger.




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Patty24momof5
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 3:49 AM

Does his father eat his meals? IF SO HAVE HIM PLAN A VISIT WHEN HIS FATHER IS EATING...HE IS MORE PRONE TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE HE HAS HELP N IS UP DRESSED FRESH AND DOING SOMETHING...I WORKED AT A NURSING HOME AND I'D TELL RELATIVES ADVICE ON WHEN AND WHAT TO DO..JUST ADVICE I'M NO DOCTOR. I'M A CNA,THOUGH I DONT WORK THERE ANYMORE.I'M WORKING SOMEWHERE ELSE NOW AND GOING TO COLLEGE FULL TIME.ANYHOW WE CNA'S LEARN MUCH MORE ABOUT PATIENTS/RESIDENTS THAN THE DOCTORS THEMSELVES. I'D TELL HIM TO TRY THAT,AND U MAYBE GO TOO. REALLY IF YOU CANT FIND ANY WORDS IN  THE MOMENT IF HE GETS UPSET ABOUT HIS FATHER A KIND HAND IS WORTH SOOO MUCH,OR A HOLD AND A HUG!

MeeshMom
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:56 PM

Say something like I am sorry for your loss. please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you and your family. Is his mother alive and was she married to his father? Maybe send flowers and a card or something but no bombarding him.

scarletdancer11
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:02 AM
Yes his mother is alive and yes they were still married, I already have and he tells me to keep doing what I'm doing. I just am having a hard time because I just want to make everyone around me happy and not see them hurting

Quoting MeeshMom:

Say something like I am sorry for your loss. please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you and your family. Is his mother alive and was she married to his father? Maybe send flowers and a card or something but no bombarding him.

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MeeshMom
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:06 AM

Don't worry yourself. He needs space to grieve and he doesn't need to be bombarded. Dont ask how he is doing every day. Just send him a hello text here and there and just let him know you are there for him and if he needs some time alone you understand. If he is interested in you he will not forget about you trust me. This just isnt the kind of situation that can be fixed. How you handle it on your end will make a mark though. Just stay calm and keep yourself occupied in the meantime and offer your support.

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