The update isn't much, but it's painful. Grandma has been moved to the hospice center, but she isn't going to make it more than a few more days. The cancer has completely ravaged her body and mind. The last couple days were okay. She woke up and talked to us, they still had her on heavy pain meds, but she was lucid enough that she knew us and who we are. Today we had no such luck. She woke up confused and paranoid. She was convinced that by moving her to hospice we were locking her up against her will, even though she chose it to begin with. She kept screaming that someone was killing her dog. At one point, before they transported her (which was done around noon) she ripped the iv out and decided she was leaving, she got out of bed (which isn't easy considering she hasn't been on her feet in 6 weeks since she broke her hip) and started out the door, her gown open and falling off and a blanket in her arms.
My great aunt (her sister, whom has not been allowed to leave her side, she screams and cries when she does) tried to stop her and convince her that she needed to lie back down. She didn't seem to recognize her at all, and attacked her. They both ended up on the floor, and we thought grandma had re broken her hip. It turns out she didn't, but the fear was there.
They somehow managed to get her back in the bed after that, and they sedated her. Even through that she was screaming so loud that I could hear her outside the hospital (she was in the second floor) when I stepped out for air.
At some point before I came back in, her husband had tried to hold her hand and calm her down, but it only seemed to make things worse. She scratched him so had that he had to get bandaged up by the nurses on the floor, who said he nearly needed stitches. They ended up upping the sedative to put her to sleep, and she is fighting that too.
They got her moved to hospice, this time against her will, and she is showing the signs of a person who is dieing. I know that the extreme paranoia and confusion is part of it, and she is having a hard time breathing (she described it as drowning) and she has gotten weak again. To the point where she can't hold your hand.
The hospice center is expecting that it is only a matter of days. They told mom and me tonight that we need to start looking for a funeral home and making arrangements.
I'm so sad. I'm glad I got to see her, and that I'm here to help my mama, but it's so hard to lose her.