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What sorts of Google searches have you immediately regretted?

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:09 PM
  • 11 Replies

10 Freaky Things You Should Never, Ever Google

Posted by Linda Sharps on January 28, 2013

I don't know about you, but when someone tells me not to Google something, I immediately do it. It's a sickness, I swear to God. Because I can't think of a single instance where whatever I discovered online after being explicitly warned against looking for it didn't live up to my awful expectations. In other words, when people tell you not to Google something, they usually have a damn good reason.
 
So why am I sharing this roundup post of things you shouldn't google, knowing full well that some of you are going to Google them anyway, and I will be the one to blame for your subsequent discomfort? Because I am a very, very, very bad person, that's why.

Keep reading ... IF YOU DARE.

Now that I've included that dire disclaimer, let me go ahead and assure you I'm not including anything here that's gory or insanely horrific. No gruesome car crashes or repulsive sexual acts are featured here, okay? That said, here are a few things you should never type into Google's search box:

Clock spider. I can't even type those words without my scalp crawling. Now, I have a THING about spiders so your creep factor on this one may vary, but if you're a fellow arachnophobe, you definitely definitely don't want to Google Image Search this term.

Trypophobia. Another Google Image term that returns a surprisingly upsetting number of visuals. Trypohphobia is also known as repetitive pattern phobia, a fear of objects with clusters of small holes. What a ridiculous thing to be scared of, who even OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS SHIT.

Any medical symptom. Don't do it. All roads lead directly to cancer.

Tetris fanfic. Yes, there is fanfiction devoted to Tetris. Yes, some of it is pornographic. "I unbuttoned the blue pixel I had on my lower half and instructed her on the ways of foreplay. As her top pixel met my bottom pixel, I let out an ecstatic sigh. Such pleasure I had never experienced in my life ..."

Snapewives. According to the Urban Dictionary, "A group of middle-aged women on the internet who believe they are all married to Severus Snape from the Harry Potter books -- on the astral plane. They have real-life meetings where they take turns channeling the spirit of Snape so they can have wedding ceremonies with him." There are photos. There are videos. There are blogs. There are ... emotions.

Coconut crab. Sounds sort of tasty, right? Sure, in the sense that seeing one will eat your brain alive with horror. (A runner-up: the star-nosed mole.)

Mucus plug. Maybe you're pregnant and wondering what to look for. Maybe you should just use your imagination on this one.

Bedbugs on mattress. SWEET JESUS NO.

Skin condition. Nope, you don't have to be more specific than that -- Google will return a plethora of terrible visuals for you to choose from.

Yourself. Either you'll find no proof whatsoever of your existence, or you'll realize just how screwed-up your Internet legacy will be. There's no happy outcome here.

What sorts of Google searches have you immediately regretted?

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
XoXo.Nikki.XoXo
by Ruby Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:20 PM
2 girls one cup lol I almost puked within the first few seconds... And of course the almighty blue waffle. Curiosity killed this cat. Omg.
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StarryRain
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:17 AM
1 mom liked this
These. And Goatse. And special fried rice. Fuck. The Internet is disturbing.

Quoting XoXo.Nikki.XoXo:

2 girls one cup lol I almost puked within the first few seconds... And of course the almighty blue waffle. Curiosity killed this cat. Omg.
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XoXo.Nikki.XoXo
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:00 AM
I will never again listen to my friends when they say to google some weird shit on the Internet! I swear that 2 girls 1 cup scarred me for life! Lol


Quoting StarryRain:

These. And Goatse. And special fried rice. Fuck. The Internet is disturbing.



Quoting XoXo.Nikki.XoXo:

2 girls one cup lol I almost puked within the first few seconds... And of course the almighty blue waffle. Curiosity killed this cat. Omg.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamaPeanut
by Kristy on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:44 PM
"dolphin penis"

Dh and i happened to see some dolphins making sweet love at Sea World (underwater viewin tank) and the male's appendage was the weirdest thing EVER!

Upon trying to tell
Others about it, I had to Google Image to prove my point. Still weird as hell...
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PeaceMuch
by Kali on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:52 PM
Penis fish
*shudder*
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MommieSDW
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Blue waffle. 

myloves.050709
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:12 PM


I have heard of both and will NOT look them up, lol

Quoting XoXo.Nikki.XoXo:

2 girls one cup lol I almost puked within the first few seconds... And of course the almighty blue waffle. Curiosity killed this cat. Omg.



XoXo.Nikki.XoXo
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Smart girl! Don't EVER EVER EVER look them up.... Especially two girls one cup. The blue waffle isn't as traumatizing! Lol


Quoting myloves.050709:


I have heard of both and will NOT look them up, lol


Quoting XoXo.Nikki.XoXo:

2 girls one cup lol I almost puked within the first few seconds... And of course the almighty blue waffle. Curiosity killed this cat. Omg.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ilovecandy
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:09 PM

o_o snapewives?! really?? oh dear lord. however the medical one made me LOL. because its true

TexasWife
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:41 PM

spanx.

I wanted the shape shifters not pictures of grown women getting spanked. Oh and my sil name has a bunch of women who are showing their lady bits.

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