Knowing the difference between "I hate that you do/did this" and "I hate you" is such an important factor.
I have several times, in this past year (more so since I have gotten pregnant) thought "i hate you" towards my DF. Sometimes he makes me so angry. But I have never once said it. I have a tendency to scream and yell and go over board when I get angry but those words, I will never tell him. They are what changes a relationship.
I hate things that DF does, but I dont hate him. I love him with absolutely everything inside of me. I know there are couples out there that pass those words along like its nothing during a fight and they are still together. I have said those words to 2 exes of mine, and even though afterwards I would regret it, I truely did hate them. I hated everything they represented, how they treated me like I was nothing 99% of the time, and that they made me feel I never had a right to speak my mind. But, because of those relationships, I have learned the difference between "I hate that you do/did this" and "I hate you".
Sometimes I even think "things would be so much easier if I just left you". But I also force myself to remember how different things will be. He is a huge part of ym life. He truely is my best friend. He is there for me whenever I need him, and now that I am regnant, if I ask him to do something for me (like run to the store and buy me a tomato) he does it without question, without complaint. I can bitch to him all I want about my friends and family without him hating them because he understands me, and knows I am simply just venting.
Sometimes he is super lazy, doesnt think before he does or says things, and I freak so much more than needed. But he has no thoughts to leaving me. He loves me. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way he never even yells at me evenwhen I am in the wrong (he just calmly talks to me), proves to me his love for me. Even the way he touches me. He isnt here just for sex (hell he doesnt get it now that im pregnant), he isnt hear just to play with my heart and talk shit about me to his friends for the fun of it (now he has definately vented to them, but he doesnt make up the lies my 2 exes have that i hated).
I love him. He means the world to me. I am going tomarry him next year. Our baby will be 1 year old by then. And I know he is going to be the best daddy I could hope for. He is everything I ever dreamed of. And no matter how much somedays I want to say "I hate you" I refuse, because I know the difference. Those words sting and stick forever. And though I need to work on the way I handle my anger with him, and speak to him at those times, he will never have to wonder if I actually hate him, because he will never hear it.
I love my DF.