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this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make (long piog)

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:38 AM
  • 6 Replies
About three years ago I moved to Arizona and that's where i met my dh, a few months later I got really home sick but I didn't want to leave, at the time my bf, because I felt like our relationship might go somewhere, which I was right about lol. So I asked him if he'd consider going back to Utah with me, he said yes without hesitating so we came back for a visit and he got a job lined up and we moved back and the guy hiring him ended up blowing him off and pretty much everything fell apart, which sucked.

For a long time we talked about going back to Arizona and we actually tried but the people we talked to about the apartments we were going to move in to lied to us about their pet policies and rent prices so that fell through, which was good cuz I ended up getting pregnant a month later.

Well 4 months after that the land lords we were renting from didnt bother telling us they were losing the house until we had 30 days to get out. So we tried to find a place and we couldn't. We eventually had to get rid of our dogs and move with my parents. So we've been splitting rent and utilities and its actually working out really well.

Well now my inlaws are moving to AZ to a big house and they've offered to let us go with them. We would have our own rooms and our own bathroom and a yard for ds, which we don't have now. Dh would transfer his job, renew his security licenses and there are plenty of job opportunities there, at least compared to here. I could finally stay home with ds and we would try for another soon and we would soon be able to get our own place down there since living is cheaper.

Its what we've wanted for a long time, I think itd be good for us in so many ways, the only thing holding me back is my parents are so attached to ds. My dad says how he can't wait to come home from work every day to see him, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal lung disease a year ago and she always talks about how she just knows things worked out this way because she needed our ds here to keep her happy and keep her going.. how do I take him away from them? How do I take away the thing making them the happiest? My dad has never been so close to anyone, ever since ds was born they had this connection, as a newborn he would just stare at him and now he's almost one and he's his favorite person and they both get so excited when they see each other.. I've been crying literally all day because I feel like its what would be best for our family but how do I do that? I feel so guilty just thinking about taking him away from them. I guess I just need to put my big girl panties on and do it, but its killing me! Thanks for reading, I just need to let it out.
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by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-6):
VictoriousTory
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 7:14 AM

Did the Dr's ever tell you how much longer your mom has?? My SO's dad has/in remission colon cancer and at the time when they didn't think that he would make it SO wanted us to move up there... and if there comes a time when his dad needed him to help him we would move up there until the end... Of course we would would move back so my family can be around the kids and stuff... its kinda different... I mean my family isn't as close to my DS as yours seem to be, and we don't live with them.... But my oldest doesn't live with me and I would have to leave him and that would be hard... IMO... and keep in mind this is just my opinion.... I would stay with your parents until either your mom gets better or passes... It may be hard for YOUR little family... but I am sure his parents would understand and I don't think they are going anywhere anytime soon... Family is the most important thing in the whole world and I would feel terrible NOT spending the last months/years with my mom around.... 

KimTaylor76
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:11 AM
Yeah that makes sense. The tricky thing about her disease is they're never really sure how long they've got left. In her case though she's doing very well with it, they caught it early thank heavens :) she should have years left still :). This may sound selfish but I feel like we cant move forward in this town, does that make sense? Like our lives have been on hold for about 3 years cuz there's just nothing here for us. I don't know I'll never not feel guilty for moving out, even if its just across town.


Quoting VictoriousTory:

Did the Dr's ever tell you how much longer your mom has?? My SO's dad has/in remission colon cancer and at the time when they didn't think that he would make it SO wanted us to move up there... and if there comes a time when his dad needed him to help him we would move up there until the end... Of course we would would move back so my family can be around the kids and stuff... its kinda different... I mean my family isn't as close to my DS as yours seem to be, and we don't live with them.... But my oldest doesn't live with me and I would have to leave him and that would be hard... IMO... and keep in mind this is just my opinion.... I would stay with your parents until either your mom gets better or passes... It may be hard for YOUR little family... but I am sure his parents would understand and I don't think they are going anywhere anytime soon... Family is the most important thing in the whole world and I would feel terrible NOT spending the last months/years with my mom around.... 


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.Peaches.
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:08 AM

I don't think your parents, even though they're happy, would even think to make you stay with them if you're wanting to move away. Yes, they'd miss you, but, if they're the good folks you make them sound like, they'll understand that you've got your own family now and you have to do what's best for the three of you.

cnlsmommy
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Would your parents consider moving too? This may sound silly, but the air in different places is different and may be better for your mom in Arizona. I've actually had a few respiratory patient move to Arizona after visiting there because try felt so much better!
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funhappymom
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:40 AM

Wow, what a hard decision. I would talk to you parents about it. I'm sure they don't want to hold you back from doing something with your life and doing what is best for your family. I agree with the previous poster, maybe they'd want to move with you.



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TempestRayne
by Donna on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:45 AM
Quoting cnlsmommy:

Would your parents consider moving too? This may sound silly, but the air in different places is different and may be better for your mom in Arizona. I've actually had a few respiratory patient move to Arizona after visiting there because try felt so much better!

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