So I've been talking to a guy that I only classify as a friend, even though I think we could be good as more than friends, for about 4 months now. We've gotten close, we text often, and we've gotten to that comfortable area where we can pretty much talk about anything.
He said he wanted to take me on a date, but didn't know when would be good for me or where to go. So we let it drop a few times. I was always the one to bring it back up. He seemed really cool with it and like he was as excited as I was about it. But now it's been like a week and a half since I've heard from him. I know litterally ANYTHING could cause this: phone issues, family issues, crazy schedule (he's in college), etc. I'm just a little too used to rejection.
In middle school and High school, boys thought it was funny to walk over to me and ask me out (either themselves or for a friend) only to respond rudely when I agreed (Laugh and ask how i thought anyone would date someone as fat and ugly as me). Then of couse my beloved dd's sperm donor (that's what I call him) walking out on me at 8 weeks gestation with the revealed truth that he had several other girls and i was nothing but a "booty call" girl to him.
Even if he DID bail on me like a lot of guys have in the past (i guess I have a lot of baggage but most days i dont let it weigh me down) I know it doesn't really matter. I would miss him at first but I'd get over it. The only thing that REALLY matters is my daughter, and most days that is enough for me. More than enough actually, I feel fufilled with her. But some days I do get lonely. I miss intimace, I miss sex. Some days I want someone to love me, and hold me, and I wonder if I will EVER find someone just right for me and get married. Or will it be just me and her forever? I suppose it will be okay if it is just me and her.
It's going on three years since I've had even a date...I've almost completely regained that virgin mentality where members of the opposite sex make me completely nervous. And wondering when is it okay to kiss/ hug/ hold hands/ have sex is back. I guess that makes me less attractive to guys my age right? (i'm about to be 23)
Idk. I guess I just gotta vent. I've never really been with a nice decent man before and he seemed like he was one, and maybe he is and I'm totally jumping the gun. But I just am starting to feel like "almost" is all I'm ever going to get. And that's a little disheartening.
I also realize "i have my whole life ahead of me", but I have a friend who's mom is 47 and never been married. Her closest friends are me and her daughter, and it's not really by choice... I just always imagined being happily married with like 6 kids (i know it's a lot but i'm from a family of ten so it's smaller than mine and i dont want them all at once, i want them spread out.), but it seems like if it IS going to happen, it's taking it's sweet time about it.