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"Hypothetical" Tough Issue

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:27 AM
  • 12 Replies

This is a mostly hypothetical, but it's based around something I'm really dealing with.

What if you became attracted to a friend of your S/O? If you felt that you had more in common with this other person than with your S/O? If this person had told your S/O that he/she finds you to be attractive? How about if you and your S/O had been on the rocks for awhile, and you were already thinking of separating? Is it ever alright to date this person, after breaking things off with S/O? Imagine that they are not particularly good friends, but were working on a project together.

Do you think loneliness/boredom can lead to looking at other individuals in a manner that is sexual or emotional?

This man engages me in conversation whenever he comes over and we're around each other. He also added me on facebook. Should I avoid him from this point on? Should I tell S/O what I'm thinking?

Some background: My only other long-term relationship turned into an open relationship, where I was dating around and the guy was talking to other women. It ended up going awful, and we are no longer friends. So I have some fears, yet I feel that I am meant to be poly, and have addressed this with S/O when we first got together. He seemed interested for a short time, but it never panned out. Now that we have a daughter, I don't see it happening (at least not anytime soon, and would not be good to do while our relationship is in trouble).

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:27 AM
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:31 AM
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Well one of my good guy friends was crazy over or other friends girlfriend. They ended up breaking up because he cheated on her multiple times. They day they broke up I told my other friend Hooked them up and they are about to celebrate their 2 nd wedding anniversary and have a baby and are incredibly happy. It did cause lots of problems between the ex and all of us. ( I still haven't spoken to him since like 3 years because he acted like a big baby. And he is even happily married now. So it ended up working out the best for both of them
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:34 AM

Aww, sweet story. I imagine that must have been difficult. Thanks for sharing!

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:55 AM
Do you think loneliness/boredom can lead to looking at other individuals in a manner that is sexual or emotional?

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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:57 AM
As far as the other questions it really depends on a lot of things.
Is it just a it long have you been in the relationship...the relationship between the SO and the friend etcetera
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 6:33 AM

 If it was me, I would cut off all contact with that friend until your relationship has ended. It's a complication that you just don't need. It's not going to make your relationship any better, and will very likely make it worse.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:09 AM

 Hypothetically, If it were me I would stop talking to the other guy. I would come clean to my DH about my feelings and tell him I feel like we are growing apart. I would beg him to get help with me, and for him to forgive me. However, that is me. You need to decide if you want to be in a comitted relationship with your SO or not. If not, then tell him up front. If you do, then you need to cut things off with this "friend"(who honestly does not sound like a friend of either of you if he is doing this). You need to work to make your relationship right again and respect your SO if he tells you he does not want you dating and sleeping around.  


If places were reversed, how would you feel?

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:13 AM
I've always been a homie hopper and went where the going was good so I have no advice really.
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:58 PM

I'm actually with my s/o now because he was a friend of my ex bf. We flirted when ex and I were still together, but I knew things were dead end with my bf. We never stepped over light flirting though. A month after my ex and I broke up s/o and I got together. 2.5 years later I feel bad for getting with a friend of my ex, but it was worth it. My s/o is my everything. <3 (2nd to the kiddo of course ;P)

Now that I'm with a man that I'm honestly in love with though and I was in that situation I would distance myself from that person. Someone who is 'new' is always enticing, but the grass isn't always greener. I know though we may have troubles I have a damn good man and I won't let myself be in a situation that would cause issues in our relationship.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 2:25 PM

Depends how serious you are with your S/O. When in high school, I dated one guy for a couple months, then later his friend for a couple months, and no one had any problems with it at all. However, I would NEVER date any friends or acquaintances of my DH. Because our marriage is much more serious and involved than some high school boyfriend.

If I was currently in a relationship, I would avoid anyone that I might develop feelings for. Otherwise you are putting your current relationship in jeopardy. If you don't want to be with the person, then dont. If you do, then do. But don't complicate it by adding another person to the mix.

Absolutely loneliness/boredom can lead to all sorts of trouble.

Absolutely do NOT tell your current S/O that you  have feelings for someone else. That's a horrible idea.

Of course this is coming from the perspective of someone who is 100% opposed to open/polygamist relationships. I married my DH because I want to be with him and only him as long as we both shall live. And my marriage means more than anything to me, so I am careful to stay away from anything that might jeopardize it.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Follow your own happiness, and that of your children.
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